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NFL17 Pre-Play: Nobody Bullied the Beav and No One Needles the NFL, Kaep Krew

9 Aug

If you’re an NFL fan or root for Colin Kaepernick, not always mutually exclusive mental states, and feed those foibles by perusing online sport sites, you’ll know it has become common in recent years for certain players to have developed a cult-like following amongst the media, junior scribes, in particular. Individually, five names have received more press than probably every player combined, excepting Broadway Joe, of course, since the National went on-wire in 1920:

1) Johnny Manziel
2) Tim Tebow
3) Michael Sam
4) Colin Kaepernick
5) Richard Sherman

At this posting only one of the five, Sherman, has a job with our nation’s new national pastime (When a home run derby is your showcase event of the season, there’s big trouble) and soon to become international funfest (See; London).

Of the other four, it’s possible Manziel and Kaepernick could get a call for a 2017 quarterback tryout as injuries begin to mount in the League on commencement of training camps and contact. But that’s becoming more doubtful as the recent rapid-signing in Miami of free-agent QB Jay Cutler and longer-than-expected list of somewhat suspect number (#) ones (Kessler (CLE), McCown (NYJ), Hoyer (SF), Taylor (BUF), Glennon (CHI), Siemian (DEN), Savage (HOU)) penciled-in for 2017 strongly suggests about both their desirability.

For Tebow, who last played with the Jets in 2012, the chance of an NFL return is nearly nil. Tim’s rather particular (prideful), shunning CFL and tight-end talk, a spot for which he was tailor-made. Same holds true for Sam (nil) who never made a roster after being drafted late in 2014 (7 / 249), having two tryouts (STL / DAL), an invite to a combine and a brief suit-up with Montreal (CFL). Mike does, for some reason, have his own page at PFR.com, sans the Alouettes.

None of those deactivated states has stopped certain media from alternatively appeasing (groupies) or depressing (fans of sport) readers with a steady stream of stories seemingly designed to persuade, cajole or bully the League, its owners and neutral fans into giving three of the four another shot at the big time.

But “Eddie Haskell” couldn’t bully “Beaver Cleaver,” Reid & Pelosi couldn’t bully Dan Snyder, his Washington Redskins and the American Indian rank & file (See; WP “9 of 10” poll (2016)) and nobody bullies the NFL to decide who it hires and who it doesn’t. An exception: Ray Rice and women’s advocacy. The ex-Raven’s rehab appears real but his stigma sticks: Video is video, thanks to TMZ (ugh).

If you think that’s a poor analogy, then you never knew Leave It to Beaver (1957-63). It’s impact on Americana made Vince Lombardi’s power sweep look almost happenstance. And if you don’t know the sweep (Kramer – Gregg) you’d best bone up. Start in State of Ohio, then find George Halas (IL) and go from there.

Michael Sam

When Sam told the nation of his homosexual orientation just prior to the 2014 NFL draft, likely hoping to forestall his stock drop to a level so low he feared being undrafted entirely, his act was lauded by captured media as socially significant. It might have been more accurately called a self-serving act of leverage. A League that would appear unwelcoming to the first openly gay pro football player, college skill-set aside, might suffer a consumer backlash, so the Suits & Skirts may’ve thunk. Sam gets the call late from a Rams club seeking a re-location vote, then a tryout from affable Jerry Jones who is always looking for new renters (AT&T). The NFL looked open-minded, Sam got his cup o’ Gatorade® and everybody felt a little cheated.

Colin Kaepernick

Sherman recently claimed Kaepernick is being blackballed on his race. But that won’t fly. The NFL’s composition is overwhelmingly African-American. Others claim jingoism is motivating CK’s critics, arising from what appeared an anthem protest on police brutality, suspiciously timed as the former 49er’s starter-string in San Francisco looked to’ve run out. But America was born on protest (Stamp Act 1765). Refusing to stand at attention for the flag ceremony is disfavored but not necessarily offensive to most citizens of these United States. What owners may’ve found abhorrent (Tuesday nite ESPN reports Giants’ owner John Mara likes the Milwaukee-native to suit-up somewhere in the NFL for 2017) were Colin’s racist white pig socks. It doesn’t have to be a forgiveable act but until Kaepernick takes responsibility, even a re-signing won’t make him legitimate.

What if nobody comes calling from the NFL, where does Colin go from there? Oprah? That’d be nice, for him, when he and his co-author get a book done (I don’t know Dick’s writing skills but he does like a by-line (See; SI.com)). And believing in something (faith) is not enough. Wisdom, and no small amount of courage, do both matter. Protest can be passionate, or it can be theater if it lacks heart & soul (truth). And he can forget about autograph shows, they’re pro-diversity and patriotic, but the NBA célébrité will always be welcoming.

John Manziel

Johnny Football: He never did earn that moniker. Jon thought talent was the trick. So did Todd Marinovich, “Robo-QB.” He could matriculate in a typhoon but made drugs his love. Manziel could’ve been the greatest college quarterback in history but made booze his squeeze. We don’t really know anything’s changed at this posting. For a run-QB who never learned to take hits in the pocket, THE pro skill, Johnny Skittles can’t afford to have fun being stupid any longer. Like Colin, Jon never respected the game, or the business. That won’t be tolerated, not by owners, players, coaches, real fans or the almighty Sponsors.

Tim Tebow

It’s curious, Tim may be the only NFL signal-caller to have, in his one near-full campaign under center (2014 Denver), compiled a better than .500 record (7-4), led the most captivating team win-streak in recent memory (6-0), won a road playoff game (@ Pittsburgh) on a GWD touchdown strike, yet, the next season, be ungraciously traded away (Jets) where, for one season, he finished his brief career in a non-QB job as a decoy flanker-back (?). Curious, indeed.

Tebow’s fandom is still vast, kept current with his baseball venture in the Mets minors, one most likely to end in the same fashion to that of his pro football career when (if) on promotion he meets that “wicked” major league curveball, known to derail & dash many a career (See; Bull Durham (88)).

Most scribes never did subscribe to the Book of Timbo, hence, never did promote his cause for return. Bart Simpson just won’t rock to Christian hip-hop. Like all run-QBs, Tim’s skill-set proved limited (47.9 C%). But other wily field generals have too relied heavily on stoking emotional fires to wins & careers, Billy Kilmer comes to mind (1967: 10g, 47.5%, 0-4, 6t-11i (16y)), and Tim, had he been NFL retained, would’ve most likely seen his skill-set progress at least in the manner of fellow flashman CK: Never top tier (Brady / Moon) but a sufficiency to roster. And then nobody put fans in the seats, stadium and home, like Tebow did. The reality for the NFL is that flash-QB, with all his shortcomings (rabbit, RIF-fail), is here to stay, given his popularity in college by great success (titles / Heismans) and facilitator of coach-lite: Just give the Kid the ball and count the wins.

Steven Keys
NFL HunchLine
Photo Credit: NFL-wikiproject, Ixnay-Beao; C.Kaepernick, wc.cca, 10.27.13, D.Hartwig; M.Sam, wc, ED.Drost, 8.23.14; Starlito-T.Tebow-L.Garrett, wc, 11.1.12; J.Manziel, Kyle-Field, wc, shutterbug459, 10.20.12; J.Marshall, Topps, 1970.
Posted: 8.9.17 @ 12:39a EST, edit 8.10; Copyright © 2017

NFL17 Pre-Play: Cannabis, Chronic Player Pain and a National Conundrum

6 Jul

Mention marijuana (cannabis) to most NFL players and you’re likely to get a positive response, no pun intended.

Classified a Schedule I drug under the federal Controlled Substances Act, based largely on marijuana’s psychoactive cannabinoid, THC (tetrahydrocannabinol) (One of over 100 canabinoids, including the non-mood-altering cannabidiol (CBD) (Got your fill of biology yet?)) and the Act’s belief in that property’s serious risk for abuse, pot’s possession, sale and / or use are still prosecuted as a criminal offense in twenty-three states, nineteen more (42) if it is possessed outside of prescribed, medicinal usage.

Even so, as an agent for pain-management and escapism, cannabis, whether obtained legally or otherwise, appears to be the drug of choice amongst enough of the NFLPA membership to have spurred Dallas Cowboys’ owner and sport celebrity Jerry Jones to advocate for its allowance while speaking at the owner’s meeting in Phoenix last March.

Currently only eight states have decriminalized ganja for market sale, one of those being Cali-for-ni-a (‘99), the most recent, Nevada, and another twenty-one by prescription only. And don’t expect the former number to grow much beyond the single-digit state (no pun) anytime soon.

Even so, gone forever are the days where tokers took their only solace-in-smoke (or weed-eating, i.e., brownies) by way of High Times and the NORMAL newsletter. Business is booming for Hemp, Incorporated.

Yet, here-to-stay is marijuana’s well-earned status as a gateway drug, not just leading to stronger, more addictive varieties like narcotics, opiods, peer poisons in alcohol and cigarettes, but when engaged in youth can quickly open the door to a whole new lifestyle and not necessarily a better one. It’s one that is non-conforming to a fault while draining enthusiasm or ambition to a low level found in your forlorn basset hound. Been there, done it, woof, woof.

That status was bolstered somewhat on recent release by the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering and Medicine’s broadest study as yet conducted on cannabis – cannabinoids and their health effects on humanoids.

In January (1.17) the NA released its 468 page report* compiled from human subject studies for findings on the “health effects of recreational and therapeutic cannabis use” and that of its elemental cannabinoids (THC, CBD, etc.).

With a focus in this write on health issues most pertinent to NFL players and their employers stemming (no pun) from the marijuana issue, there was both good news and bad news to be gleaned from the lengthy report.

The good news is that “there is substantial evidence (p.90)” cannibas can be a beneficial agent in treating chronic pain, a malady concomitant with those who engage athletics over an extended period of years.

The bad news: 1) Marijuana is still a gateway drug; 2) pot can be addictive (“problem cannabis use (333)”), especially as a teen and 3) regular use of cannabis is associated with risks of schizophrenia (“substantial (295)”), bipolar disorder (“moderate (307)”), suicide (“moderate (314)”), memory loss (“moderate evidence of…association between acute cannabis use and impairment in the cognitive domains of learning, memory and attention (275)”), anxiety (“moderate evidence daily cannabis use is associated with increased anxiety (119 / 318)”) and social phobia disorder (“heavy use (120)).”

It’s a mixed bag. The bottom-line: If in chemotherapy (nausea) or afflicted with multiple sclerosis (spasticity), the “conclusive” findings (94 / 103) tilt your risk-benefit balance in favor of marijuana’s use (“oral cannabinoids”) to alleviate suffering, assuming you’ve had your prof’l consult and sorted through the national hodge-podge of legalese. In those more serious, harder to treat medical conditions, cannabis is a proven therapy for relief, and that alone is reason for re-examination of its rather draconian federal categorizing.

But where paid athletes seeking a marijuana solution for chronic pain are subject, a state so common in their bruising professions, whether by smoke or extracts (oral), the risks posed appear too great in the benefit balance, risks arising from uneven permissibility (legality) and, more importantly, from the potential for memory decline, that very same malady central to the ongoing concussion debate that plagues hard-hitting sports like football, hockey and boxing. That’s an irony that hits like Bobby Wagner: Ouch!

And when there exists effective alternatives readily available to pain-sufferers in nutrition supplements (tart cherry & noni juice, magnesium, Co-Q10, curcumin, polyphenolic-antioxidents, Bs, D3, alpha lipoic), diet adjustments ((-) gluten, sugar, cured meats) and NSAIDs (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (ibuprofen, naproxen)), the so-called marijuana answer to pain management, not without its merits, proves too risky to fire-up or wash-down.

Even as the mental health and cognitive findings on pot’s use and “sustained abstinence (275)” were not based on “conclusive” or “substantial” evidentiary finding (Box S-3, “Weight-of-Evidence” standards (p.7)), it’s doubtful additional NA compilations on the polarizing weed, even with gold standard double-blind placebo controlled structures sought, will reveal the opposite to be true, that memory or bipolar – anxiety disorders are improved with its habitual use.

And keep in mind that whenever federal and state governments are at odds over a national issue of legislation, leading to a broad non-uniformity, that status will trigger Commerce and Supremacy clause inquiries and then eventually end up on the Supreme Court’s docket. So don’t vest too heavily yet.

Marijuana is here to stay, legal or illegal, medicinal or diversionary. And like it or not, Charles Barkley, pro athletes are role models to the nation’s youth. Fire up the bong and make it a public issue with lifestyle or league violations and that segment of the population least able to manage the drug properly will have their lives changed forever in health risks and bad habits.

In 2015 the League (Goodell) and NFLPA (Smith) went all namby-pamby in raising, under their collectively bargained drug policy, the level of marijuana required in test to trigger a violation, essentially telling players and the public that using what is still fairly characterized as an illicit drug is A-okay with them, because lots of the using players want it that way, even as its continued use is also fairly characterized as detrimental to their health. So there’s that.

— — —

This writer is not medically-trained (I was, as George Segal’s character “Mr. Kovacs” termed it in The Cable Guy (96), “on the pot” in my late teens, alcohol and smokes included, of course) and did not read the entire 468 page report, instead focusing on those sections most relevant to NFL player concerns. But I wrote with honesty and thoroughness befitting an 1100 word blog. For the lay-person the report is readable, somewhat unclear in spots but overall helpful by informing on a very broad and still yet under-researched subject.

Steven Keys
NFL HunchLine
Photo credit: marijuana-joint, wc.cca, T.Hansen, 2.23.08; marijuana-costume, SCCE, 10.16.16, wc, G.Skidmore; marijuana-plant, J.Martin, wc, 7.14.15; marijuana-neon, wc, SanFernando-Valley, LA-CA, L.Avocado; NFL-symbol, wikiproject
Posted: 7.6.17 @ 1:03p EST, edit 7.7; Copyright © 2017
*References: National Academies of Sciences, Engineering and Medicine: http://nationalacademies.org/hmd/reports/2017/health-effects-of-cannabis-and-cannabinoids.aspx

MMA17: In a Machiavellian Age, Hitting a Man When Down Is All Good Sport

29 Jun

Opposites in boxer Floyd Mayweather and MMA (UFC) man Conor McGregor have, through their agencies, now negotiated an attraction in (K) for a fight this summer to take place August 26th in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Constituting the first high-stakes, trans-tactic fight, it’s a contest that supporters in the respective fan bodies are hoping its winner to settle the question they’ve wanted answered since the brutish, queer combo of kicks, canvas-clinches and blood-letting pummels was imported onto North American soil back in the 1990s. The query: Who are the best fighters on the Planet?

That said, even if this match of muscle does receive all proper sanction from relevant governing bodies (so many “bodies’) and does take place, its outcome is not likely to end the debate on which manner of fight is most champion.

For starters, Floyd Jr. is no spring chicken. Correction, Mayweather’s not young anymore. For a boxer he’s an old rooster: “Cock-a-doodle-do!”

The reigning WBA and WBC, undefeated welterweight champion (49-0) and Grand Rapids, Michigan native is in his 41 year (2.24.77) while McGregor, UFC lightweight champion (21-3) and product of Dublin, Ireland, is still priming and will turn 29 in July (7.14.88). Mayweather hasn’t fought since he went the distance (12) to defeat Andre Berto in a unanimous decision on September 12, 2015 at, where else, the MGM Grand in Paradise, Nevada.

Weigh-in would size the Irishman a bit bigger:

Mayweather: 5’8” -> high 150s -> 72 inch reach
McGregor: 5’9” -> high 150s -> 74 inch reach

More important than what would appear to be both an age (energy) and bulk advantage to the Islander is that the proposed combatants have been fighting in formats that’re quite different, one could say apples and oranges different.

— — —

I won’t beat around the bush, I like oranges & apples but I don’t like MMA.

Why? You can figure that yourself. Clearly, it’s the ugliest sort of competition. Rollerball has more style. If I wrote MMA had no sporting spirit, no dignity, would it make any difference?

Be that as it may, what I dislike more is unfairness. How noble, right? Wrong.

When you don’t have money, power or position but were blessed, or burdened, with a sense of empathy, fairness matters. And the word is, is that this fight format will be of a strictly boxing nature: No kick or grapple allowed. And that just doesn’t seem fair to the European.

No more fair than it’d be to ask Floyd to find a kicking game in prep and learn to subjegate long held habits like no-grapple nor canvas-attack.

But ‘Conor already knows how to hit with his hands,’ you say. Balderdash. Not like a top boxer he doesn’t, and not with those li’l hand-wraps. So why agree to fight in the first place? Biggest payday ever, over-confidence, I suspect.

The semi-incongruent state reminds me of the Kirk Douglas – Woody Strode gladiator fight in the first hour of Spartacus (1960), the original, as the combatants are armed with different weaponry, KD a stabbing-sword and hand-shield, WS a throw-net and trident. Though ostensibly equal in value, Woody’s weaponry proved the better but he honorably sparred the “Thracian dog” his death blow, then rushed Crassius before getting a javelin in his back and…well, lost his life in the brave attempt. Let’s just say, Olivier’s daggar-wielding character needed a splatter guard (ugh).

— — —

It’s been called MMA (mixed martial arts) since the 90s, more popularly known by its business acronym, UFC (ultimate fighting championship), owned by the investor group WME-IMG with its overseeing authority based in Beverly Hills and Las Vegas. It’s financial face is a man named Dana White, a CT-born boxer turned promoter / president. The female pull has been Ronda Rousey, a woman who doesn’t look the part but also doesn’t win much anymore, either.

Everyone should know how to physically defend themselves, a formal training probably best initiated in grade school. When cowards cheat (unawares, 2-to-1, etc.), results can get skewed, but no one should take a beating because they can’t muster the mind-set or the moves. And women in competitive fighting for profit (boxing / MMA), that’s just disturbing.

I call MMA a plague and a sure sign American culture is fast headed in the wrong direction, no matter which side of the political aisle you seat your keaster.

Of course, pugilism too can be a blood bath and on rare occasion deadly. For those who survive a career in the ring it is not uncommon after enduring years of body blows to then manifest the maladies that come with repetitive physical trauma soon into or before retirement (See; Requiem for a Heavyweight (62)).

But then there is something called assumption of risk.

Along with the waiver (AoR), the moral variety that both boxer and mixer grant upon entering their respective rings, are rules of civilized conduct, even in battle, that pugilists must honor. Chiefly among them are the Marquess of Queensberry (drafted by John Graham Chambers, London, 1865: mits, no grapple, 3-minute rounds, etc.) which set a standard of sportsmanship on the hue and cry of a sport crazed public that had grown angry with corruption, brutality and unfair practices coming to dominate the boxing show.

To some it was irony that John Douglas (MoQ), possessing a mixed reputation, some of its bad aspects undesevered by the ire he had raised in his secularist views and boxing advocacy, through the use of his name, would become the face, the sign of the progressive move towards civility in a sport that, up to the mid-1850s had been and would for years to come, remain quite brutish.

Other rules were incorporated in decades since MoQ took hold, most notably a return to neutral corner at knockdown, made common knowledge in Dempsey – Tunney II on September 22, 1927 at Soldier Field in Chicago when the challenger Jack failed to adhere to his own contracted term, resulting in a longer count for the floored champ Gene who arose to win the rematch on decision.

Do boxing’s rules ensure a fair competition, an honest result? Because of the sport’s checkered past, the fix will always come to mind if a decision appears seriously flawed, but when it’s not, I’d say for the most part, I think they do. The rules set a framework whereby good sport can be achieved. Better yet, nobody gets hit when he (she) is down for the count or in a clinch.

I‘ll be pulling for the man I believe will win the match, boxer Mayweather.

McGregor enters the fray with eyes wide open, mitigating the uneven skills issue. Maybe too wide. Youth gives Conor, presumably, edge on energy in a longer bout but also means the challenger has not realized the wisdom, in all its forms, that comes with age, evidenced sometimes by boyish, pre-fight bravado in mask of having begun to realize one’s bitten off more than one can easily chew.

And a win by Floyd might help slow the media monopolies ill-guided campaign to make MMA a family TV fixture, male teens, anyway. “Good grief.”

Steven Keys
MacroSport
Photo credit: macroecono, lamcasinoroyal, wc.cca, 2011; C.McGregor, wc, 3.30.15, London, A.Petrucenia; F.Mayweather, SanDiego, 8.21.10, Gen.T.Conant, Sgt.D.Gallagher, Cpl,S.Posy; Marquess-of-Queensberry, John-Douglas, wc, 1914, J.Long; blue-boxing image
Posted: 6.29.17 @ 1:50p, edit 7.2; Copyright © 2017
Reference (names / numbers): Wikipedia (UFC / MoQ)

ESPN17: Start Bailing ‘Little Buddy,’ This Skipper Can’t Steer a Ship Either

4 May

ESPN president and Disney Suit John Skipper would never be confused on sight with Alan Hale’s seafaring TV character of the 1960s shipwreck comedy, Gilligan’s Island (’64-67 CBS). Now “Thurston Howell III,” Jim Backus’ sarcastic and always well-attired millionaire on the high-traffic but officially deserted key, he might bear a slightly better resemblance, at least in trappings.

Hale Jr. (“Skipper”), the son and near image of his famous actor father (mother was silent star Gretchen Hartman) and namesake who teamed with many greats including Errol Flynn in The Adventures of Robin Hood (38) (“Little John”), played the perpetually frustrated captain with the half-dozen castaways and bore little physical likeness to the contemporary Cufflink and Columbia graduate.

But were you to compare the two on their judgment and disposition of respective charges (“S.S. Minnow” v. ESPN), “Mr. Howell” might very well say this of both leaders: ‘Now I say, Lovie, there are two men cut from the same cloth…burlap!’

Disney ≠ sports

Last week the Disney (ESPN) sports network made the real news page when they announced the firing of 100 or so employees, some of long standing like NFL reporter / insider, Ed Werder and anchor Jay Crawford.

You want details on the pink-slip parade? You’ll have to peruse the net yourself. I can’t afford the megabytes, not with usage rates soaring skyward (oy vey).

Suffice to write, if these terminations are consistent with the industry approach in recent years, most of the pinkees were male, white, older (35+) and performed their jobs with overall skill and dedication, i.e., too many college degrees for too few jobs and with too many niche markets to meet.

Do we care about the cut-down, even as sport fans? Hmmm, not really. Aside from the smidgen of camaraderie I feel for the majority in that I too am male, white, degreed and older, those fired should’ve seen this coming years ago and prepared accordingly with resume updates in phone #s and references.

This mass, forced exodus may be just one more phase in a pattern of ill-advised changes that’ve been steadily implemented since Skipper took to steering content calls in 2005. Though, in the case of fired NFL analyst Trent Dilfer, the former QB had not been the same since he seems to’ve taken that bad (saboteur-ish (?)) advice from “Kenny Mitchell” on the set to develop an edge (See; Rob Parker).

What the downsize does do is provide a sounding-board for this former Disney devotee to vent views on likely motivations behind the on-going chintzy changes being wrought by Skipper & Co. to the network’s motif & mission, and then the big markers along this sad journey that have turned what had been a sport fan dreamland (1979 – 2010) into a nightmare that seems to have no good end.

♫ Those Were The Days My Friend ♫

I was a regular of ESPN’s early entrée in the 1980s. I think those like me had grown up on ABC Wide World of Sport and figured this was the next best step.

Diversity in race, gender and games was absent in the anchorage and content in this Mercury stage of cable media, so to speak. But by Apollo phase (85 >) pay-load in variety had launched, hit pay-dirt ($) and has been in orbit ever since.

Bottom-line: Everybody was welcome. Male or female, black or white, young or old, USA-born or foreign, most viewers had a common thread running through their collective letter jacket: A sincere love of sport. We didn’t care if you were a purple octopus from Venus reading the copy, if you knew your stuff, we could tell and we watched. And if you didn’t, we could spot that too. But those fakes never showed up on the Sportscenter back then or were awful terrific actors.

If a fan of the American majors (MLB, NFL, etc.) and highlights, you were in clover. Sport news served piping hot, before poker (Zzzz), college aid (ESPNU), morning fashion plate, kid content (X Games), music promos, Sportscenter specialty segments and all those boorish talking heads. Had the foreign sporting fare been served up (soccer (fútbol), rugby, béisbol – 野球 – 야구), their fans too would be waxing sentimental and grinding their teeth over ESPN’s devolution.

And there was always the ticker at the bottom of the screen as your fall-back to get scores, sans the endless sabrmetric snooze for today‘s fantasy gambler.

For $12 a month, basic cable gave you a whole new world of information, not as broadly capable as the internet but less pricey and totally cool.

For news you got locals, networks and CNN Headline 24-7 with neutral anchors who just read the copy. For sport you got TBS (Braves), WGN (Cubs), USA network and Bristol-based ESPN: Also 24-7 with anchors in standard-issue blazers. Then came the acquisitions by ABC (‘84), Capital Cities Communications (‘85) and in 1996 the game-changer in The Walt Disney Company.

The anchor personalities were memorable (Tom Mees (d.1996) and Charley Steiner come to mind), all clear, often clever without being cute. There wasn’t a clunker among ‘em. The savvy Linda Cohn and Bob Ley are the two remaining but most moved on to greener pastures ($) only to fall off the map, so to speak.

And now it’s all gone, gone with the wind in Turner vernacular.

Youthenization

In the 90s began the serious expansion and then dilution of the ESPN product.

First came ESPN Radio (‘92), ESPN2 (93), ESPY nite (Only SAG name is worse) and then the X Games (95), the start of a youthenization that’s swept the TV dial (Expect a “Harry Potter” marathon on TCM in the not too distant future) and all consumerland (See; Honda Civic). All reasonable enough ventures but started a process of change that’s become OCD with the Suits & Skirts in charge.

With Disney’s stewardship an arrogant air began to permeate the place. Contra-indicated, given the history of Walt‘s baby, but this wasn‘t your father’s Disney.

Media high-hats arrived like Tony Kornheiser, Stephen Smith, Skip Bayless, most on the Sports Reporters not named Dick Shaap or John Saunders, radio Colin Cowherd, onliner Bill Simmons, host Trey Wingo and former jocks in Marcellus Wiley, Tedy Bruschi and Mark Schlereth, all displaying to differing degrees, that boyish bravado to stoke confrontation and then have come to define the new ESPN gestalt: Edgy and most often annoying as hell, for sport fans, anyway.

Once at the content wheel, John put his Disney-sized staple-remover to work.

Out went trusty ESPN News (b.96), bread & butter for the sport junkie.

SportsCentury, the hour-long documentaries hosted by Chris Fowler, before he took residence in the weight room, that did more for sport and history than anything Ken Burns ever did (or likely will), was given the boot in 2007.

Pulled from premium, mid-level satellite – cable package was ESPN Classic where light-hearted (Cheap Seats) and thought-provoking diversions (Woody’s World), made with equal parts of insight and comedy, were showcased.

And due to the network coined ‘instant classic’ phrase, any game, even from the nite before, qualified as vintage, meaning, Howe v. Hull, Lasorda v. Herzog, Bird v. Magic, Marino v. Kelly, were permanently shelved as pre-historic.

Then came the clearest sign that Disney no longer had any interest whatsoever in keeping up the pretense that their ESPN property was a sports network.

Even as 1st and 10 had became the most highly anticipated daily sport debate in all of American media (2003-11), sometimes as a segment (Cold Pizza / First Take (AM gab-fest format)), later stand-alone but always diverse, Skipper pulled the plug and replaced it with a niche-market sabrmetric / diversity combo show called Numbers Never Lie, then His & Hers. Perfect.

I don’t watch much Disney (ESPN) anymore. I’d suspect not many sport fans do (unless an engineer or heart surgeon, “numbers (can) lie” plenty). Why go where you’re not welcome, especially when the time allotted for real sport news is thinner than the newest female anchor?

Who’s likely to watch the “leader” in sport coverage nowadays?

1) College females and family with a connection to Title IX;
2) College males and young brothers with fantasy play lineups;
3) Foreign-born citizens and residents (ESPN Deportes 2004);
3) NBA followers; and
4) NFL fans who have by August developed a ravenous appetite for anything football. The exits of the too comfortable Tom Jackson – Chris Berman can only fuel the hunger to feast whatever‘s put onto the plate.

Cohn spoke recently about the firings, stating that she believes “politics” played a role in the employee upheaval. That’s very likely but something long standing, more deeply engrained in the Disney dynamic is really at its root.

Youthful whimsy in cartoon defined the Disney company Walt and his brother Roy began in 1923 Los Angeles. That core purpose in selling to children and adult sentimentalities to that end has remained the focus in today’s diversified media and entertainment giant. Modern empire-builders, the Disneys understood the emerging, malleable market that were Amercia’s youth (plus their giving parents) and designed a template for success that worked as a sort of incubator of early youthenization marketing which John has simply carried over to the ESPNs.

Even as yesteryear’s cartoons and theme-park pirate patches have been replaced on the network with slinky club-wear, rap music motifs, fantasy-driven stat-parades and ESPN phone-apps, the goal remains the same: Selling to kids.

What’s good for the Donald has not always been what’s good for the Daisy.

Most perplexing in John Skipper’s management of the ESPN monopoly is that in its multitude of channel options, sufficient to cater to all their target markets in kids, females, foreign fare and angry men (radio), he could’ve quite easily stayed connected to the substantive news format on one of those channels to retain the base viewership that had always been the network’s real sustenance.

But when a better, more sport-centric, likely more popular product is juxtaposed along-side a channel that runs so much niche stuff or downright gobbledygook, that arrangement can make programmers, not necessarily prospective viewers, very uncomfortable for having slotted the ephemera in the first place.

Me and my ilk departed from ESPN Islands long ago. There’s a free charter on the south end with weather updates on the hour. It’ll take you anywhere you want. All you need to board is a suitcase full o’ frustration and a love of sport.

Steven Keys
Straight Shooter
Photo credit: TheWaltDisneyCompany, wordmark, wc.cca; A.Hale.Jr., 9.12.66, wc, GilligansIsland, CBS; ESPN, wc, word mark; ESPN2, wc, word mark; ESPN, wc, 2.26.10, Jaworski, Wingo, Schlereth, Bruschi, J.Kern; ESPN-studio, wc, Jkinsocal, Bristol-CT, 2.2.13; StraightShooter, citrus.fruit-label
Posted: 5.4.17 @ 12:28am EST, edit 5.4; Copyright © 2017

Bonnie and Clyde Ambushed Again, No Badges or Bullets But Bad Manners at Academy Gala

17 Mar

If you think the 89th Academy Awards snafu, Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway being handed Best Actress envelope by staffers to announce and present the Best Picture award at the recent gala, was an accident as purported, I’m gonna’ guess there’s a good chance you’re comfortable too with the following conjectures:

1) Lee Harvey Oswald, double-agent with “Maggies drawers” and friend of clandestines Clay Shaw, David Ferrie, bag-man Jack Ruby and the FBI, fired off five shots in 3.5 seconds with one of the worst bolt-action rifles in history, ordered in the mail, aimed through a live oak in November from the Texas School Book Depository to assassinate President Kennedy;

2) A man named Shakspeare (no ‘e’ after ‘k’ spelled 3 ways), son of a Stratford-on-Avon glove-maker, with no public library or apparent capers to fortify his inspiration with the relevant nomenclature (“slang”) filling the voluminous literary product, wrote what most consider to be the greatest compilation of works in this planet’s history and yet by will devised a mere bowl and a sword but made no mention of the manuscripts likely most dear to its author’s heart;

3) Scientists, farmers, fire-fighters, polar ice-cap watchers, coastal residents and other folks in weather-affected livelihoods from around the world are blowing smoke when they red-flag a global-warming they’ve seen first-hand for years;

So how’d you do? Still a believer?

Innocent mishaps do happen but not in the Academy presentation they don’t, not with the Big presentation. In Jackson Pollock speak, “I deny the accident.” Why Mr. Beatty, who later expressed an awareness upon opening the envelope that he’d been handed the wrong card but proceeded to hand it to Dunaway without whisper of explanation is a curious bumble on his part. Age (b. 3.30.37 (79))?

Recently deceased movie expert and much beloved Robert Osborne (TCM) could attest to the fact that there have been errors committed in the AA’s long history, as when Sammy Davis Jr. was handed a wrong card on a music awarding in 1964. But none so serious in this most climactic of moments when the Best Picture Oscar® is announced and the statuette handed to the winner. It’s the high-point of the celebration and the biggest trophy in the bunch.

It’s a well vetted process that for near ninety years going back to the silents has prided itself on a meticulous production to avoid just that dreaded appearance of ineptitude, confusion and takesie backsies we saw in February, not to mention a loss of trust. I will not believe that that standard is not, for most, still in place.

But what’s the motive for one or more, and it’d likely be more (Where’s the fun doing it alone (ugh)?), to recklessly or intentionally throw a monkey-wrench into the works? Jealousy, childish, simple-minded jealousy may‘ve been the culprit.

And what does one do with cold envy? If you’re a snake, you don’t bury it, you find expression for it in skullduggery (See; Hamlet) by making two titans of the industry in Faye and Warren look bad. That they’re old, comparatively speaking, would make the theoretical dirty deed all that more satisfying to the doer(s) who, post-play, would smirk like the Grinch after his Whoville haul-away. Tee-hee.

Today, resentment for anything that is well established, be it a person’s advanced age and concomitant accomplishments, or time-tested traditions, even those that work, especially those that work, is at its apex.

It’s an arrogant mindset that has corporate backing: Out with the old, in with the new, change, change, change, unless of course it’s a helpful myth (See; Above). Don’t eat your young, heavens no, eat your Grandparents, instead. And that, even as everyone’s parade is headed to seniorhood, whether they get there or not.

‘How could they have done it, set them up, it’s so cold, so…dishonest?’ Yup.

I’d imagine it could’ve been accomplished quite easily by any number of people in the Academy or PricewaterhouseCoopers (PwC) chain-of-custody, made easier by the fact that organizers, while always guarding against flaws in the production through miscommunication and lethargy, were oblivious to even the possibility of one or more of their people intentionally gumming up the works.

Organizers wouldn’t have seen it coming this time but they’ll be on alert now with stepped-up monitoring in preparation and handling of announcement-cards.

Dishonesty and devious minds, they’re as old as Neanderthal short-changing Cro-Magnon in the first trade, ‘club for clams (‘Don’t give him all those, look at his forehead for crying out loud!’).’ But when too many of our leaders and celebrities seem to care not in the least what example they set, corruption grows rampant.

It’s not hard to find a story on corruption or greed today, they’re everywhere: Politics (S.Korea), schools (cheating), business (Volkswagen), media (fake news), the Marines (nude photos).

Sport is my usual theme and there the bad news is almost a daily line:

Olympian Ryan Lochte fabricates a false robbery report to Brazilian police and receives less than a year (10m) suspension from competitive swimming;

Ongoing PED use spans across the sport spectacle. It’s buoyed by enablers and apologists like HOF-voters who, where former baseball star Iván Rodríguez is concerned, enshrined the 13-time gold glove winning catcher in 2017, his first year of eligibility, even as the Puerto Rico native was named in former Texas Rangers’ teammate Jose Canseco’s watershed book, Juiced (05), as a user of performance enhancers with Jose claiming to’ve personally injected Iván (See also PED debate; Olympic swimmers Milorad Cavic v. Michael Phelps);

Michael Sam using an announcement on his sexual orientation as a means to draw attention and maybe preference for the approaching NFL draft;

Notre Dame Heisman hopeful, LB Manti Te’o concocts a story of a non-existent girlfriend who is, of all things, dying from cancer and today rosters in the NFL;

Maybe not NBA players so much as the draft-dingy junior media who encourage the prospect of tanking, and receive monetary compensation to write as much;

— — —

We had streakers in my youth (♫ The Streak (‘74) ♫). Call is spontaneous, kooky, a bit shocking but all in good fun. Today, those nudists have grandkids who take part in flash mobs to try to intimidate and frighten.

Don’t expect more shenanigans at the Academy Awards in the near future. Nobody wants pandemonium. Strike that, MOST don’t want pandemonium.

But if I’m over fifty-five and work in the movies, I wouldn’t plan on ever attending the big ceremony ever again, not until someone come’s clean or gets called on that red carpet. And then I’m not forgetting how Maureen O’Hara was treated.

And dilly-dally on that issue shouldn’t forestall the decision to find another new host for the 2018 AA and let Jimmy Kimmel focus on his talk show, or better yet, get back to what he’s best at, Crank Yank(ing). At least “Special Ed,” “Birchum” and “Gladys” were all real, god love ‘em.

Steven Keys
Photo credit: Oscar® statuette, wc.cca, 1951, Kon-Tiki, V.Atanassova; W.Beatty, wc, A.Light, 3.26.90; Oscars®, I.Hayes, Enterprise, Shaft, 4.22.72, wc; Oscars®, Bjork-Swan, 2001, Marjan-Pejoski, C.D.Riccio, wc; Oscars®, T.Hanks, 1989, wc, Light; Oscars®, wc, Hopper-Bigelow, 2.28.11, AA83, C.Lazo, Army; D.Taylor, wc, 1967, Bonnie&Clyde, WB-7A
Posted: 3.17.17 @ 1:10pm, edit 11:17; Copyright © 2017

MLB17: Cubs Atop, Everything Old Is New Again, Even 19c. Championships, SABR-Snobs

9 Mar

Set to defend their first MLB title since 1908, the Chicago Cubs have stepped off cloud nine and back onto terra firma to begin their quest for a 2nd title-in-tandem (1907-08) by taking to spring training in their longtime Arizona locale.

Success has a way of opening passage ways in the mind heretofore unexplored and the Cubs brains must be booty-laden with new discoveries. Not likely, though, that franchise history is big on their brains, not since their World Series win over the Indians (4-3) and subsequent victory parade that wove its way through the Windy City last November.

What else is not on the Cubs’ brains is pre-season predictions.

Spring training will trigger in the mind of baseball writers a slew of topics to typically include new roster additions, departures and the all important pitching rotation with ancillary arms in relief included.

To those media who matriculate in the sabrmetric school, the last degrees of winter and early buds of spring will always lead to, ta-da, the ranking, i.e., ‘Who‘s #1?’ It’s click-bait and best served when the entrée has cooled down (all-time greats) and won’t burn the palate with rank predictions.

Almost any other March in any other year the question of who is baseball’s pre-season best would be a small curiosity.

But if you have to ask ‘who’ in this particular spring (See; Cubs), even in rhetoric, you may be better suited to the mock draft department, all leagues and associations, where the minutia of musings on the ephemeralia of college hopefuls never ends, if you can find a seat. Crowded in there.

It can’t be denied that the legion of Bruins fans numbering more than the ancient Roman and Yankees empires combined, coupled with story-driven media, will be, on regular occasion, reveling this season in that long, glorious Cubs chronicle of great teams and players, right up until the present version take to the post-season in hunt for that dynasty-affirming, fairly elusive, back-to-back World Series win (See; SF, LAA, LAD, KC, PIT, MIN, CHW, STL, BAL, etc.).

The Cubbies have hit, pitched, fielded and run those bases all the way back to elite status, making it entirely appropriate now to take those moth-balled memories, some sweet, some bitter, out of storage to put on display to keep reminding us from where we came and then where we hope to go.

William Hulbert

Feeling Western baseball was getting the high-hat treatment from Eastern snobs, Chicagoan William Hulbert (1832 – 82) founded and, after its initial campaign (1876), assumed presidency of both the White Stockings (Cubs) and the National League, holding the fledgling 8-team organization together through its toughest times in bravely tackling issues in game-fixing and scheduling indifference by banishing offenders, and corralling destabilizing players on the money chase in instituting movement restrictions, i.e., the first reserve clause.

1876 – 77 White Stockings: The first MLB championship

Al Spalding
Deacon White
Ross Barnes
Cal McVey

Adrian Constantine “Cap” Anson (1B – Mgr, 1876 – 96)

When recounting the history of the National League Chicago baseball club (1876), first known as the White Stockings, then Colts, Orphans and today’s Cubs, or for that matter the chronicle of major league baseball itself, it begins with Adrian “Cap” Anson, the profession’s early notable batsman, manager and personality. His numbers, no matter disingenuous efforts by contemporary sabrmetric tinkers & twiddlers to deplete, do remain, as his tenure (1871 – 1898), stellar benchmarks (1939 (HoF)) for baseball hopefuls.

Noteworthy in Anson’s career is having managed the Stocks to five (5) championships in seven seasons (1880-86), the major’s first dynasty. That’s championships, NOT pennants, for where there’s one pennant-winner in a season there necessarily must be an opposite organization with their own flag-waver, both of whom meet in an official, culminatory contest. And when a team does all that the schedule permits, even with no money-grab playoff or opposite League face-off (which is no perfect test, anyway (See; Cubs 1906 & Pats 2007-08)), and compiles the best record of the assemblage (8), THAT is a championship as worthy as any World Series won in 2017.

Those achievements would tarnish after his death (1922) as Cap’s role in setting the color barrier, in particular the ban of Fleet Walker, the first American black player to roster in the majors (Toledo 1883-84). Though his stance is of record, Anson’s impact is much debated. Of no debate is that no Caucasian of note, in sport or politics, called to break the ban until Mr. Rickey, testament that we are a product of our times. Do we then strike all names from MLB annals pre-1947? What thinkers had done since Gutenberg’s press was to balance the good against bad, expecting that Anson today would regret his greed. And given that the mass of sport media in 2017 would enshrine misdeeders Clemens & Bonds if given the chance, striking such a balance should come easy.

1880 – 86 Stocks: Five (5) championships, three in-a-row

Larry Corcoran
Fred Goldsmith
Michael “King” Kelly
Frank Gore
Abner Dalrymple
Tommy Burns –
Ned Williamson
John Clarkson

1890 – 1900 Colts – Orphans

Clark Griffith
Bill Hutchinson

Frank Selee (Mgr. 1902-05 (d.1909))

Former Braves championship manager (x5) shaped the Cubs’ roster that would, under Frank Chance’s leadership, gel into the greatest team in baseball history.

1906 – 1910 Cubs: Four pennants, back-to-back WS titles (1907-08), the Merkle Boner game (9.23.08), its resulting tie-breaker playoff at hostile Polo Grounds (10.8) taken by the Bruins (4-2) and “Baseball’s Sad Lexicon (Franklin P. Adams)” in Tinker to Evers to Chance (’10) 

Joe Tinker
Johnny Evers
Frank Chance
Jack Taylor
Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown
Orval Overall
Ed Ruelbach
Frank “Wildfire” Schulte (.994 outfield 1908)
Heinie Zimmerman (triple-crown winner)
Harry Steinfeldt (3B) & Jim Sheckard (46 sacrifices ’09)
Johnny Kling (catcher)
Carl Lundgren
Jack Pfiester and King Cole

1914 – 15: Chas. Weeghman Park (Wrigley) opens – Whales (Federal)

1918 NL Pennant (L v. Boston (4-2))

Though falling to the Speaker – Ruth – Red Sox, the Bruins scored more runs and fashioned a lower team ERA than the Beaneaters.

Hippo Vaughn
Claude Hendrix
Lefty Tyler
Charlie Hollocher
Fred Merkle
Grover Cleveland “Pete” Alexander (1918-25)

1921 – 22: Bill Wrigley acquires majority holding in the Cubs; First-bagger Ray Grimes sets the consecutive-game RBI streak at 17 in 1922.

1929 – 1945: Pennants (5), Hack-Attack and Ruth’s called shot (‘32 WS)

Joe McCarthy (Mgr. 1929 WS)
Charlie Root
Kiki Cuyler
Rogers Hornsby
Hack Wilson (191 RBI in 1930)
Lon Warneke
Charlie Grimm (player-Mgr. 1932, 35, 38 (H) & 45; ashes on Wrigley (83))
Billy Herman
Dizzy Dean
Bill Lee
Claude Passeau
Stan Hack
Bill Nicholson
Phil Cavarretta
Andy Pafko

Gabby Hartnett
Mgr. – player 1938 World Series: “Homer in the Gloamin’”

With the 1938 season closing and Pirates clinging to 1st place, the leaders headed to neck-breather Chicago for a key 3-game clash where catcher Charles “Gabby” Hartnett won G2 on a thrill by clouting a 9th inning tator at twilight (gloaming (Scottish)), inspiring his Cubs to sweep that series and St. Louis to grab the flag. Sadly for the Faithful, inspiration waned as the Yanks swept Chicago in four.

1950s Lean Years

Hank Sauer (MVP 1952)
Ernie Banks (MVP 1958-59)

I met the great Ernie Banks in his baseball gloaming, aka, twilight (Are you paying attention?), in the summer of 1971, not long after he’d retired from the game and was holding a signing for his new book titled, Mr. Cub, on the sidewalk outside a store in my suburban Chicago town of Glencoe. My parents provided well for me and my five siblings, always top Christmas and birthday gifts, but getting a toy or $15 (?) book on short notice off-holiday was out of the question. I’d eventually get Ernie’s book, still have it, but not until the next year. So, I being 9 yrs old, wanting his autograph, a bit bold but lacking in full discretion, asked Banks for his signature on my Mickey Mantle Rawlings® ball glove. The legend obliged, sans that signature smile. But I, not satisfied (‘Hey, hey, let’s (get) two!’), put an ever-so-small piece of paper no bigger than a JFK 50 cent piece, onto the table for another mark. Well, Ernie Banks was not pleased, not pleased at all. But I was pleased as punch and skedaddled home. I lost that scrap signature but still will with regularity gaze and smile upon the Mantle glove with Banks name in green-felt pen. Thanks, Mr. Cub.

Ken Hubbs Cut Short

Were he alive today he’d be 75 (12.23.41), but promising young 2nd bagger Ken Hubbs, whose slick field and capable bat won him a gold glove and 1962 ROY honors, along with his small aircraft passenger Dennis Doyle, both tragically died in plane crash near Provo, Utah on February 13, 1964 enroute to Doyle’s home and wife who’d recently given birth, in Colton, California.

Durocher’s Revival (1965 – 72)

Leo “The Lip,” who’d rostered with Murderers’ Row (‘28-9), Gashouse Gang (34), guided the Bums to a flag (41), Giants to glory (54) and then returned the sorry Cubs back to respectability, takes most the flak for their late season swoon in 1969 when their All-Star laden squad appeared headed to their first World Series in almost a quarter century. And poppycock to that. Durocher gets his share, of course, but cry-babies and clueless vets must bear most the burden for the old man. Those of us who remember (I was just a gerbil then, but I do recall Gramps telling me, ‘Hey Steve, Kessinger went 4-for-4 yesterday!) point no fingers but form a half-smile at what might’ve been and the joy that was.

Ernie Banks
Billy Williams
Fergie Jenkins
Ron Santo
Don Kessinger
Glenn Beckert
Randy Hundley
Don Young
Bill Hands
Ken Holtzman
Phil Regan
Ted Abernathy
Jim Hickman
Dick Selma

1970s Malaise

Bill “Mad Dog” Madlock: BA titles 1975-76
Rick “Bid Daddy” Reuschel: 1973-81, 83-84

1981: Tribune Company buys Cubs

Dallas Green Unstitches ‘Loser’ Tag

It seemed to come outta’ nowhere, the super and ultimately sad season of 1984. If ‘Big Brother’ was watching he must’ve had a good laugh on us Chicago Cubs fans, with unexpected help from corporate Commissioner and Evanston native, Peter Ueberroth who saw fit to give 2nd best NL record-holders but nite-game capable, the San Diego Padres, home field which proved decisive in the short series (3-2). The Cubs were sunshine supermen in G1 (13-0) and G2 (4-2), then should-be HOF’er Steve Garvey and electee (07), Tony Gwynn took control for San Diego, frustrating the Northsiders and their fans once more.

Jim Frey
Don Zimmer
Harry Caray & Steve Stone
Ryne Sandburg
Rick Sutcliffe
Leon Durham
Thad Bosley
Greg Maddux
Bob Dernier
Ron Cey
Henry Cotto
Gary Matthews
Lee Smith
Tim Stoddard
Steve Trout
Larry Bowa
Dennis Eckersley
Richie Hebner
Jody Davis, ♫ catcher without a peer (H.Caray) ♫

1989 NLCS (L 4-1 v. SF)

Don Zimmer
Ryne Sandberg
Andre Dawson
Shawon Dunston
Lloyd McClendon
Mark Grace
Greg Maddux
Jerome Walton
Dwight Smith
Mitch Webster
Rick Sutcliffe
Mike Bielecki
Scott Sanderson
Mitch Williams

1998 NLDS (L 3-0 v. ATL), Mgr. Jim Riggleman

2003 NLCS (L 4-3 v. FLA)

Call it reasonable fan interference, meaning, Steve Bartman wasn’t obliged to remain seated with 1) real chance of being hit by a foul ball, and 2) expectation no Cubs player could’ve snagged it. As such, no ejection. But because Alou did have a chance to grab the wall-straddling foul-ball, hence his protest, umpires were obliged to call fan interference yet cowered from their duty in not charging the out to eventual rally team, Florida. But Cubs were 88-74 in 2003, making fans unbridled expectations unreasonable and the outcome digestible.

Dusty Baker
Sammy Sosa
Moises Alou
Mark Grudzielanek
Corey Patterson
Alex Gonzalez
Kenny Lofton
Mark Prior
Kerry Wood
Carlos Zambrano
Matt Clement
Joe Borowski
Aramis Ramirez
Kyle Farnsworth
Mike Remlinger

The Piniella Years

2007 NLDS (L 3-0 v. AZ)
2008 NLDS (L 3-0 v. LA)

The Ricketts (09) – EpsteinMaddon Years

2015 NLCS (L 4-0 v. STL)
2016 WS (W 4-3 v. Indians)

Dallas had a certain touch in managing (PHI ‘80 WS) and generaling (CHC ‘84, 89), but Theo Epstein & Joe Maddon have a clobber between ‘em, like in that Weavers’ song ( If I had a hammer…), forging winners like a blacksmith did a wheel frame for proper strength and balance in the long journey. Yee-hah!

Joe Maddon
Anthony Rizzo
Dexter Fowler
Jon Lester
Kyle Hendricks
Travis Wood
Ben Zobrist
Hector Rondon
Addison Russell
Trevor Cahill
Javier Baez
Kris Bryant
Jason Hammel
Aroldis Chapman
John Lackey
Jake Arrieta

Play ball!

Steven Keys
Can of Corn
Photo credits: Cubs-logo,1914, Wjmummert, wc.cca; E.Banks, Bowman, 1955, wc; K.Bryant, wc, 7.9.14, M.Haas; W.Hulbert, NYPL, wc; Chicago-White-Stockings, 1885, wc; Cubs, 1906, wc, BPL; G.Hartnett, Goudey, 1933, wc; GlennBeckert, wc, 1967, TSN; H.Mason-D.Green, SABRO, wc, 8.1.09; can-of-corn
Posted: 3.9.17 @ 11:10am EST, edit 3.10, 6.20; Copyright © 2017

Yore Movie Swells: ‘We..Rob..Banks’ and the Bonniest Lines In Classic Film Dialogue

16 Feb

Even omitting the TCM index and Shakespeare (Ed de Vere) flicks, there are more indelible lines in the remaining 100+ years of movie dialogue than there are lights to carpet a starry night sky. That includes the silent era, their captions and speaking parts in most every language under the Sun.

One clever quip certainly won’t carry a film but where there’s one golden nugget there’s sure to be more. With a top script, a director can make what would normally constitute just so many sharp looking wait-staff and personal trainers (actors) sound like gosh-darn poets.

Great dialogue can be as lengthy as Orson Welles “cuckoo clock” pitch (The Third Man) or as brief as Elizabeth Taylor’s modish “wow” as she peeked in on lonely billiard boy Montgomery Clift (A Place in the Sun).

It can be sung (The Umbrellas of Cherbourg), whistled (“Steve” in To Have and Have Not), set to motion (Davis’ coat drape on Ratloff in All About Eve), read in the wink of an eye (Poitier to cell-mate Wilson In the Heat of the Night), a raise of the eye-brows (Shearer on Lermontov news in The Red Shoes), a nod of the head (Moore’s closing answer to Huston in Out of the Past (47)), a hand gesture (Ferrer’s puppets in Lili) and even delivered in rodent-speak (Perri). Meaning that nearly every action in a film, a good one that is, makes a statement.

shearer-wc-m-feinstein-10-11-54-307k

Some of the quotes listed herein are célébrité (“We’re gonna need a bigger boat (Jaws)”), by itself no warrant for inclusion, others as obscure as this writer’s product. Some are funny, some sentimental, others pointed, viciously vague, suggestive in how far we’ve come or instructive in how far we have to go.

While most movie lines are best appreciated in their context, not subtext (oy vey), like “Tibbs” expert answer In the Heat of the Night (“I believe old Harv is a southpaw, now ain’t he, Shagbag (trooper)? What if he is, what’s that make him (Shagbag)? Innocent (Tibbs)”), most listed herein can stand on their own merit.

With a few exceptions, nearly all of these quotes are in English. That, even as its greatest proponent in the Bard (Shake-a-Spear) is rarely referenced, for if he (or Annie Hall) were, there‘d be no end to this write. What this list is is a smattering of the myriad of verbal gems that’ve been glittering on the silver screen for over a century and harvested in the heart by those viewers who mine for rarity.

This is a listing of memorable movie lines, a smorgasbord of flavorful offerings to sample for the film connoisseur and casual customer alike, not a ranking of the believed greatest dialogue ever delivered.

Selecting your favorites is fine and one can easily separate toppers from routine deliveries. But to claim an ability, a means to rank one line (or title (Citizen Kane (AFI #1 (ugh))) above others because you’ve consulted a cabal of credentialed critics is the highest order of arrogance and a clear sign of a film-lover fake.

So if you like classic flicks (< 2000), glory days for dialogue, and you prefer story over computerized imagery or the contemporary cocktail of gratuitous violence + sex, drink in some of these great lines, all natural flavors, gluten-free, no sugar-added and maybe one of ’em will “make (your) day.” Lights, camera, action!

— — —

-We…rob…banks: Bonnie Parker (Faye Dunaway), Bonnie and Clyde (1967)

-Oh, I don’t know…everybody makes book on something: “Stoker Thompson (Robert Ryan),” The Set-Up (1949)

-Like Steve says, winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing: “Carol Williams (Sherry Jackson),” Trouble Along the Way (1953)

-Sun only shines half the day, Tom (Wayne), the other half is night: “Fen (Coleen Gray),” Red River (1948)

-There are two things better than a good gun, a Swiss watch and a woman from anywhere: “Cherry (John Ireland),” Red River (1948)

-Almost anything coming out of the mouth of Edna May Oliver (1883-1942)

-How would you define ballet, Lady Neston? Well, one might call it the poetry of motion perhaps, or…(Browne). One might, but for me it is a great deal more. For me it is a religion: “Boris Lermontov (Anton Walbrook),” The Red Shoes (1948)

-Why do you want to dance (“Lermontov“)? Why do you want to live?: “Victoria Page (Moira Shearer),” The Red Shoes

-Because dear miss…what was your name (Walbrook)? Victoria Page (Shearer). Yes, Miss Page, because when I come to a party I don’t expect to sit for an audition (Anton). Yes, you are quite right: “Vicky (Shearer),” The Red Shoes

-You cannot alter human nature (Massine). No? I think you can do even better, you can ignore it!: “Lermontov (Walbrook),” The Red Shoes

-You cannot have it both ways (to “Ljubov” & “Page”). A dancer who relies upon the doubtful comforts of human love can never be a great dancer. Never!: “Boris Lermontov (Walbrook),” The Red Shoes

-I want you to dance tonite with the same ecstasy I’ve seen in you only once before. At the Mercury Theatre (Vicky). Yes, in the Mercury Theater in London, on a wet, Saturday afternoon: “Lermontov (Walbrook) (Boris now in love)”

-What the devil have you (Craster) got to be worried about? It’s a fine score, a magnificent score! I only wish I had…go on! Former lead composer and conductor “Livingston ‘Livy’ Montague (Esmond Knight),” The Red Shoes

-Vicky, Vicky, dance to whatever tempo you like. I’ll follow you! New composer and conductor “Julian Craster (Marius Goring),” The Red Shoes

-Would he (“Craster”) give it up if you asked him (Walbrook)? I don’t know (Shearer). You do know! I wouldn’t ask him. Then why is he asking you?! Does he KNOW what he’s asking?: “Lermontov (Walbrook),” The Red Shoes (the crux)

-Nobody else has ever danced the Red Shoes since you left. Nobody else ever shall. Put on the red shoes, Vicky (now entranced), and dance for us again!: “Lermontov (Walbrook),” The Red Shoes

-If I could be anyone, a child who could be brave from the beginning: “Roslyn (Marilyn Monroe),” The Misfits (1961)

-It all blows-up in your face sometimes, doesn’t it?: “Joyce Harwood (Veronica Lake);” The Blue Dahlia (1946)

-I got a new suit (Brian Donlevy). It looks like the suit got you: “The Boss (Akim Tamiroff),” The Great McGinty (1940 (loud suit))

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-You know this fish, he don’t go to school, he don’t know French but he pretty smart, too: “Manuel (Spencer Tracy),” Captains Courageous (1937)

-You (Freddie Bartholomew) show is a tonic to yoself: “Doc” the cook (Sam McDaniel),” Captains Courageous

-He (Douglas) will hug you to pieces then take those pieces home with him: “Manuel (Tracy),” Captains Courageous

-Fiddle dee-dee. War, war, war, this war talk’s spoiling the fun at every party this spring! “Scarlett O’Hara (Vivian Leigh),” Gone With the Wind (1939)

-Whistle (Gable). Gasp (Leigh). Has the war started?: “Rhett Butler (Clark Gable) (meets “Scarlett” for the first time),” Gone With the Wind

-All we’ve got is cotton, slaves and…arrogance: “Butler,” Gone With the Wind

-Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn: “Butler (Gable) (says goodbye to his “Scarlett“),” Gone With the Wind

-But tomorrow…is another day!: “Scarlett (Leigh),” Gone With the Wind

-A tribe’s greatness is figured by how mighty its enemies be: “Del Gue (Stefan Gierasch),” Jeremiah Johnson (1972)

-Is it possible that something is holy to the celebrated agnostic (March)? Yes, the individual human mind in a child’s power to master a multiplication table, there is more sanctity than in all your shouted ‘amens,’ ‘holy holies’ and ‘hosannas!’ An idea is a greater monument than a cathedral and the advance of knowledge is a greater miracle than all the sticks turned to snakes or the parting of the waters: “Col. Henry Drummond (Spencer Tracy),” Inherit the Wind (1960).

-Progress has never been a bargain, you have to pay for it. Sometimes I think there’s a man who sits behind a counter and says, ‘all right, you can have a telephone but you lose privacy and the charm of distance. Madam, you may vote, but at a price. You lose the right to retreat behind the powder puff or your petticoat. Mister, you may conquer the air but the birds will lose their wonder and the clouds will smell of gasoline’: “Col. Henry Drummond (Tracy)

-All you have to do is knock on any door and say, ‘If you let me in I’ll live the way you want me to live and I’ll think the way you want me to think and all the blinds will go up and all the doors will open and you’ll never be lonely ever again. If that‘s the case I‘ll change the plea, this is if you know the law‘s right and you’re wrong: “Col Drummond (Tracy),” Inherit the Wind

-Mr. Brady, why do you deny the one faculty of man that raises him above the other creatures of the earth, the power of his brain to reason? What other merit have we? The elephant is larger, the horse swifter and stronger, the butterfly is far more beautiful, the mosquito is more prolific, even the simple sponge is more durable: “Col. Henry Drummond (Tracy),” Inherit the Wind

-The bible is a book. It’s a good book but it is not the only book: “Col. Henry Drummond (Tracy),” Inherit the Wind

-Youth can be so pure, what do you know of good or evil? What do you know of the sum of a man’s life? He betrayed me (Anderson)! You betrayed yourself! You see my husband as a saint, and so he must be right in everything he says and does, and then you see him as a devil and everything he does must be wrong. Well, my husband’s neither a saint nor a devil, he’s just a human being and he makes mistakes. How can you defend him? it’s not he I’m defending but the 40 years I’ve lived with this man and watched him carry the burdens of people like you. If he’s been wrong at least he stood for something. What do you stand for? Do you believe in Bertram Cates (York)? I believe in my husband. What do you believe in?: “Mrs. Sara Brady (Florence Eldridge),” Inherit the Wind

-What touches you (Kelly), what warms you? Every man has a dream. What do you dream about? What, what do you need? You don’t need anything, do you, people, love, an idea just to cling to? You poor slob. You’re all alone. When you go to your grave, there won’t be anybody to pull the grass up over your head, nobody to mourn you, nobody to give a damn. You’re all alone (Tracy). You’re wrong, Henry. You’ll be there. You’re the type. Who else would defend my right to be lonely?: “E.K. Hornbeck (Gene Kelly),” Inherit the Wind

-Nobody lives forever: “Nick (John Garfield),” Nobody Live Forever (1946)

-Spill it punk or I’ll splash your brains out!: “Mickey,” 99 River Street (1953)

-Who are you (Wood (POY)))? I’m next: “Tyrone ‘Mr. Clean’ Miller (Laurence Fishburne),” Apocalypse Now (1979)

-You can lick me if you want and I’ll still love you: “Betsy Bartlett McMasters (Claudette Colbert),” Boom Town (1940) (context)

-You know what the fellow said – in Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had five hundred years of democracy and peace and what did that produce, the cuckoo clock: “Harry Lime (Orson Welles),” The Third Man (1949)

-Course, a situation like that (black market) does tend to amateurs but…but, well, they (floaters) can’t stay the course: Carol Reed (narrator), The Third Man

-Be sensible, Martins (Howard). I don’t have a sensible name, Calloway: “Holly Martins (Joseph Cotton), The Third Man

-Dancing means everything to me!: “Judy (O’Hara),” Dance, Girl, Dance (1940)

-Pardon, how do I wire congratulations to the Pacific Ocean?: “Matt Libby (Lionel Stander),” A Star is Born (1937) (context)

-In Italian there is a no word for this ‘crooner (“de Vinci (Adolphe Menjou)“). That’s okay, Professor, there’s no word in English for spaghetti: “Dick Purcell (Dick Powell),” Broadway Gondolier (1935)

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-I was married twice before – once at 16, once at 21. One was a crybaby and the other was a caveman. Between the two of them I said goodbye to girlhood: “Helen Wright (Joan Crawford),” Humoresque (1946)

-Here’s to love: “Helen Wright (Joan Crawford),” Humoresque

-The earth is my body, my head is in the stars!: “Maude Chardin (Ruth Gordon),” Harold and Maude (1971)

-Oh, I don’t drink (“Harold (Bud Cort)”). It’s okay, it’s organic: “Maude (Gordon),” Harold and Maude

-It’s best not to be too moral, you cheat yourself out of too much life: “Maude (Gordon),” Harold and Maude

-I made you breakfast…scrambie eggs: “Chip (Jim Carrey),” The Cable Guy

-You mean Heather is a prostitute (“Steve”)? Of course she is, you think a girl like that’d hang out with us if she wasn’t? “Chip (Carrey),” The Cable Guy (1996)

-I always had a hard time realizing how important we are: “George Hasting (Russell Hicks),“ The Big Store (1941)

-Course, I’ll have to notify the police (Gerstle). This is a case for homicide. Homicide (O‘Brien)!? “I don’t think you fully understand, Bigelow, you’ve been murdered: “Dr. MacDonald (Frank Gerstle),” D.O.A (1950)

-I knew there was something wrong with that guy. Never met a gin-drinker yet that you could trust: “Parnell (Arthur O’Connell),” Anatomy of a Murder (1959)

-It’s up to you: Jim Garrison (Kevin Costner)), JFK (1991) (context)

-It was a violation of the most basic protection codes and the best indication of a massive plot (to kill JFK) in Dallas: “Mister X (Donald Sutherland),” JFK (1990)

-I’ll show you how a Prussian officer can fight (Schell). And I’ll show you how the Iron Crosses grow: “Sgt. Rolf Steiner (James Coburn),” Cross of Iron (1977)

-Why don’t you buzz off on your broomstick!: “Maxine (Ava Gardner),” The Night of the Iguana (1964)

-Her eyes said ‘NO’ in big, blue capital letters: “Miss Hannah Jelkes (Deborah Kerr),” The Night of the Iguana

-All women, whether they want to face it or not, want to see a man in a tied-up situation. They spend their entire lives trying to get a man in a tied-up situation. Their lives are fulfilled when they an get a man or as many men as they can into a tied-up situation!: “Shannon (Richard Burton), The Night of the Iguana

-I respect anyone who’s had to fight and howl for their decency (Kerr). What do you respect in me, Miss Thin, Standing-Up, female Buddha (Burton)!? Far more than I respect those ones who had theirs handed out to them at birth and never afterwards snatched away from them by unbearable torments: “Jelkes (Deborah Kerr), The Night of the Iguana

-And what is my problem, Miss Jeltz (Burton)? The oldest one in the world, the need to believe in someone or something, almost anyone or anything: “Jelkes (Kerr),” The Night of the Iguana

-I don’t regard a home as a place, a building, bricks, wood, stone. I think of a home a something two people have between them in which each can nest, rest, live in, emotionally speaking: “Jelkes (Kerr),” The Night of the Iguana

-I’m not a bird, Mr. Shannon. I’m a human being and when one of that unique species builds a nest in the heart of another, the questions of permanence or propagation are not the first or even the last things to be considered: “Jelkes (Kerr),” The Night of the Iguana

-There are worse things that chastity, Mr. Shannon (Kerr). Yes, lunacy and death: “Shannon (Burton),” The Night of the Iguana

-Nothing human disgusts me, Mr. Shannon, unless it is unkind or violent: “Jelkes (Kerr),” The Night of the Iguana

-How did you, how did you beat this blue devil of yours (Burton)? I showed him I could endure him and make him respect my endurance: Endurance is something spooks and blue devils respect. And they respect all the tricks panicky people use to outsmart and outlast the panic (Kerr). Like taking deep breaths (Burton)? Or rum cocoas: “Miss Jelkes (Kerr),” The Night of the Iguana

-Why don’t we go down to the beach (Gardner)? I can a…I can get down hill, Maxine, but I’m not too sure about getting back up (Burton). I’ll get you back up, Baby. I’ll always get you back up: “Maxine (Gardner),” The Night of the Iguana

-He wishes: “Charlotte Vale (Bette Davis”), Now, Voyager (1942)

-If we both try hard to protect that little strip of territory that is ours: “Charlotte (Bette Davis),” Now, Voyager

-Oh Jerry, don’t let’s ask for the moon. We have the stars: “Charlotte (Bette Davis),” Now, Voyager (context)

-(On plane, “Jack” shows his altered FBI badge now with his picture to 9 (?) boy seated aside): It looks fine…to me: Scott McAfee, Midnight Run (1987)

-You two are dumbest bounty hunters in history…you couldn’t deliver a bottle of milk!: “Jon Mardukas (Charles Grodin),” Midnight Run

-Did you ever have sex with an animal, Jack? Remember those chickens around the Indian Reservation, there were some good-looking chickens around there, Jack, you know, between us (Grodin). Yeah, there were a couple there I mighta’ taken a shot at (laughter): “Jack Walsh (Robert De Niro),” Midnight Run

-I don’t think she’s coming back (Grodin). Yeah, I don’t either, I don’t either (De Niro). Sometimes you just have to let go, just get yourself a new watch: “Jon (Grodin),” Midnight Run (context)

-What do you think you are, for Christ-sake, crazy or something? We’ll you’re not, no crazier than the average asshole out walking the street: R.P. McMurphy (Jack Nicholson),” One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)

-Koufax’ curveball is snapping off like a fucking fire-cracker: “McMurphy (Jack Nicholson),” One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

-Somebody give me a wiener before I die!: “Randall P. McMurphy (Jack Nicholson),” One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

-Mr. Scanlon (Fletcher)? I want to know why the dorm is locked in the daytime and the weekends: “Scanlon (Delos Smith),” One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

-A man like him (“Jim McKay“)…is very rare: “Ramon (Alfonso Bedoya),” The Big Country (1958) (context)

-All I can say McKay is you take a hell of a long time to say goodbye: “Steve Leach (Charlton Heston),” The Big Country (moonlight fistfight)

-Greenhorns have to get knocked around a little: “Jim McKay (Gregory Peck),” The Big Country (1958)

-Obviously Mr. McKay is man who is afraid of only one thing, that people may suspect him of showing off: “Julie Maragon (Jean Simmons),” The Big Country

-You want me, Pop (Connors)? Before you was born, I did: “Rufus Hannassey (Burl Ives),” The Big Country

-I’m not responsible for what people think, only for what I am: “Jim McKay (Gregory Peck),” The Big Country

-How do you like Blanco Canyon, huh (Ramón)? It’s a hell of place for sailor: “Jim McKay (Gregory Peck),” The Big Country

-Some people you can’t insult at all, others get upset over the littlest thing: “Pat Terrell (Carroll Baker),” The Big Country

-An amazingly good actor met an amazingly receptive audience: Napoleon Bonaparte (Claude Rains), Hearts Divided (1936)

-Almost anything that came out of the mouth of Ned Sparks (1883-1957)

-And how is your cousin, Edmond de Boeldieu, who was Military Attaché in Berlin (von Stronheim)? He is well and happy. He lost an arm and married a very rich wife (Fresnay). A fine career: “Captain von Rauffenstein (Erich von Stronheim),” The Grand Illusion (1937)

-I ain’t spittin’ on my whole life: “Monte (Lee Marvin),” Monte Walsh (1970 (turning down job as a Western dude))

-I want to make love to you until you scream (Morris). Can’t scream!: “Jerry Martin (Norma Shearer),” The Divorcee (1930)

-She’s a grifter, just like her brother. Probably had grifter parents and grifter grandparents and someday they’re each gonna’ spawn little grifter kids: “Tom (Gabriel Byrne),” Miller’s Crossing (1990)

-Nobody knows anybody, not that well: “Tom (Byrne),” Miller’s Crossing

-Old man’s still an artist with the Thompson: “Terry (L.Flaherty),” Miller’s

-If you can’t trust a fix, what can you trust?: “Caspar (J.Polito),” Miller’s

-You used to be big (Holden). I am big, it’s the pictures that got small: “Norma Desmond (Gloria Swanson),” Sunset Boulevard (1950)

-There were children in those days (Revolution) who lived off human flesh: “Lt. Gen. Yevgraf Andreyevich Zhivago (Alec Guinness),” Doctor Zhivago (1965)

-Don’t you want to believe it (Guinness)? Not if it isn’t true!: “Tonya Komarova (Rita Tushingham),” Doctor Zhivago

-A nameless number (Christie) on a list that was later mislaid: Lt. Gen. Yevgraf Andreyevich Zhivago (Alec Guinness),” Doctor Zhivago

-You only had one glass (Cowan)? But you kept filling it up: “Jeffrey Baird (Edward Everett Horton),” Shall We Dance (1937)

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-I want to change their minds, not kill them for having the same weaknesses we all possess: Mohandas Gandhi (Ben Kingsley), Gandhi (1982)

-It’s the story of my life, I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop: “Sugar (Marilyn Monroe), Some Like It Hot (1959)

-You don’t’ understand Osgood, I’m a man (Lemmon)! We’ll, nobody’s perfect: “Osgood Fielding III (Joe E. Brown),” Some Like It Hot

-I’m getting a cramp in the most peculiar place: “Francesca Cunningham (Ann Todd),” The Seventh Veil (1945)

-Life is short, art long, decision difficult and experiment perilous: “Bederaux (Paul Lukas),” Experiment Perilous (1944)

-So help me, he (Jordan Benedict IV) looks like a little wet-back: “Bick Benedict (Rock Hudson),” Giant (1956)

-Never trust a nigger (Hackman). He could’ve been white (Scheider). Never trust anyone!: “Popeye Doyle (Gene Hackman),” The French Connection (1971)

-Take your last look at free-side, kid: Inmate (Gail Bonney?), Caged (1950)

-For that forty bucks I heisted, I certainly got myself an education: “Marie Allen (Eleanor Parker),” Caged (1950)

-Can’t beat aces: “Nick (Humphrey Bogart),” The Wagons Roll at Night (1941)

-La-dee-da, la-dee-da: “Annie Hall (Diane Keaton),” Annie Hall (1977)

-The only word for this is transplendent: “Pam (Shelley Duvall),” Annie Hall

-You know how to whistle, don’t you Steve? You just put your lips together and, blow: “Slim (Lauren Bacall),” To Have and Have Not (1944)

-He didn’t invent it (Bogart). Invent what (Moran)? Being afraid: “Harry ‘Steve’ Morgan (Humphrey Bogart),” To Have and Have Not

-What manner of man is it I’ve married (O‘Hara)!? A better one than I think you know, Mary Kate: “Hugh Forbes (Charles Fitzsimmons),“ The Quiet Man (1952)

-There’ll be no bolts or locks between us Mary Kate, except those in your little mercenary heart: “Sean Thornton (John Wayne),” The Quiet Man

-As only an American would think of emerald green! “Elizabeth Playfair (Eileen Crowe),” The Quiet Man (Sean’s new cottage)

-By the way, don’t underestimate Danaher, he’s got a tremendous right and jaw of granite: “Rev. Cyril Playfair (Arthur Shields),” The Quiet Man (persuading)

-Will you join me in a glass of…no…you’ll be in training now, of course: “Playfair (Shields),” The Quiet Man (converted)

-No, no, you just said you loved her. There’s some difference between lovin’ and likin.’ When I married Jennie’s mother, I-I didn’t love her, I liked her, I liked her alot. I liked Martha for at least three years after we were married and then one day it just dawned on me I loved her. I still do…still do. You see, Sam, when you love a woman without likin’ her, the night can be long and cold, and contempt comes up with the sun: “Charlie Anderson (Jim Stewart),” Shenandoah (1965)

-(Test bout) I won’t hurt you…I don’t think I’ll even hit you: “Harry Watson (Rhys Williams),” Gentleman Jim (1942 (test)

-Being a good loser is hard but being a good winner is even harder: John L. Sullivan (Ward Bond, handing first belt dated 7.4.1887 to new champion, James J. Corbett), Gentleman Jim (1942)

-Right or wrong, the brand sticks: “Shane (Alan Ladd),” Shane (1953)

-Shane, there’s too many!: “Joey (Brandon deWilde),” Shane (1953)

-♫ Some enchanted evening, you will see a strangeeeeeer ♫: “Nobody Falfa (Harrison Ford),” American Graffiti (1973)

-Rome wudn’t burnt in a day: “Joe (Bo Hopkins),” American Graffiti (1973)

-Why don’t you kiss my sister’s black cat’s ass: “Clarence ‘Crazy’ Lee (Bo Hopkins),” The Wild Bunch (1968)

-Wunden mein herz mit einer monotonen mattigkeit (Wounds my heart with a monotonous languor): German officer, The Longest Day (1962)

-You see, Mr. Gittes (Jack Nicholson), most people never have to face the fact that at the right time and the right place they’re capable of anything: “Noah Cross (John Huston),” Chinatown (1974).

-Course I’m respectable. I’m old. Politicians, ugly buildings and whores all get respectable if they last long enough: “Noah Cross (Huston), Chinatown (1974)

-I hope you don’t mind. I believe they should be served with the head (“Cross (John Huston)”). Fine, just as long as you don’t serve chicken that way: “Jake Gittes (Jack Nicholson),” Chinatown

-Almost anything that came out of the mouth of Thelma Ritter (1902-69)

-That must be your friend over there. They didn’t leave much of him (Evans). Must have taken out his heart, eh?: “Bubba (Geoff Parry),” Mad Max (1979)

-When it’s time to shoot, shoot, don’t talk: “Tuco (Eli Wallach),” The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966)

-There are two kinds of people in this world, Tuco, those with loaded guns and those who dig. You dig: “Blondie (Eastwood),” The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

-You’re (Eastwood) the son of a 1000 fathers, all of them bastards, too!: “Tuco (Wallach),” The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

-How’s that calf ever gonna’ dry off if she keeps licking her?: “Arnold (Butch Jenkins),” Our Vines Have Tender Grapes (1945)

-I’m five (Jenkins). Oh!: “Viola Johnson (Frances Gifford),” Our Vines Have Tender Grapes (1945, most adorable ‘Oh’ in movie history)

-You’re capable of such beautiful dreams and horrible nightmares: Vegan as dad of “Ellie Arroway (David Morse),” Contact (1997)

-In the few hours we had together we loved a lifetime’s worth: “Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton),” The Terminator (1984)

-I’ll be back: “T-800 Model 101 cybernetic android (Arnold Schwarzenegger),” Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991 (in friendship v, 1984 bad guy))

-There is no fate but what we make: the younger “John Connor (Ed Furlong),” Terminator 2: Judgment Day

-Phoebe, I call myself Phoebe (Bates)! And so you should: “Addison DeWitt (George Sanders),” All About Eve (1950) (sarcasm)

-It’s time the piano learned it didn’t write the concerto!: “Lloyd Richards (Hugh Marlowe),” All About Eve

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-Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy nite!: “Margo Channing (Bette Davis),” All About Eve

-Some folks say things never die, they just go on livin’ in a different way: “Will (Dan) (George Montgomery),” Gun Duel In Durango (1957)

-♫ Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies, farewell and adieu to you ladies of Spain ♫: “Quint (Robert Shaw), Jaws (1975)

-Here lies the body of Mary Lee, died at the age of a hundred and three, for 15 yrs she kept her virginity, not a bad record in this vicinity: “Quint (Shaw), Jaws

-Know the thing about a shark he’s got…lifeless eyes, black eyes like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya,‘ doesn’t seem to be livin,’ until he bites ya,’ and those black eyes roll over white and then…aw then you hear that terrible high pitched screamin,’ the ocean turns red in spite of all the poundin’ and hollerin’ and they all come in and they…rip ya’ to pieces: “Quint (Shaw), Jaws

-I used to be afraid of the water (“Brody”). I can’t imagine why: “Hooper,” Jaws

-Do you think this was all the work of little Don Segretti? “Deep Throat (Hal Holbrook),” All The President’s Men (1976)

-I screwed up (revealing LBJ plan to replace FBI’s J. Edgar Hoover), but I wasn’t wrong: Bradlee (Jason Robards), All the President’s Men

-I have a wife, family, dog and a cat!: Clawson voice, All The President’s Men

-You know the results of the latest Gallup Poll? Half the country never even heard of the word Watergate. Nobody gives a shit. You guys are probably pretty tired, right? Well, you should be. Go on home, get a nice hot bath, rest up, 15 minutes. Then get your asses back in gear. We’re under a lot of pressure, you know, and you put us there. Nothing’s riding on this except the, uh, first amendment to the Constitution, freedom of the press, and maybe the future of the country. Not that any of that matters, but if you guys fuck up again, I’m going to get mad: Ben Bradlee (Jason Robards), All the President’s Men

-Death ends a life, but it doesn’t end the relationship which struggles on in the survivors mind towards some resolution which it may never find: “Gene Garrison (Gene Hackman),” I Never Sang to My Father (1970)

-For over a thousand years Roman conquerors returning from the wars enjoyed the honor of a tumultuous parade. In the procession came trumpeters, musicians and strange animals from conquered territories, together with carts laden with treasure and captured armaments. The conquerors rode in a triumphal chariot, the dazed prisoners walking in chains before him. Sometimes his children robed in white stood with him in the chariot or rode the trace horses. A slave stood behind the conqueror holding a golden crown and whispering a warning that all glory is fleeting: General George S. Patton (George C. Scott), Patton (1970)

-I have alot of faults, Brad, but ingratitude isn’t one of ‘em. I owe you alot. Hell, I know I’m a prima donna. I admit it. What I can’t stand about Monty is, he won’t admit it: General Patton (Scott), Patton

-Who said anything about Palermo (Gen.Patton)? I can read a map! General Omar Bradley (Karl Malden), Patton

-What son of bitch (Bradley) is in charge of this operation (G.I.)!? I don’t know but they aughta’ hang him: Omar Bradley (Malden), Patton

-Gen. Alexander says you are not to take Palermo (staffer). Ask him if he wants me to give it back: George Patton (Scott), Patton

-You’re right, Dick, the world grew up. Hell of a shame…god how I hate the 20th century: George Patton (Scott), Patton

-You (Guinness)? Youuuuuuu: “Commander Shears (William Holden),” The Bridge On the River Kwai (1957)

-Go Bears!: Hooker #2 (Melissa Peterman), Fargo (1996) (context)

-Thanks a bunch!: “Chief Marge Gunderson (Frances McDormand),” Fargo

-Being crazy about a woman (Burnstyn) like her was always the right thing to do: “Sam the Lion (Ben Johnson),” The Last Picture Show (1971)

-Her and her husband was…young and miserable with one another like so many young married folks are: “Sam (Johnson),” The Last Picture Show

-Sonny, your food’s gettin’ cold: “Sam (Ben),” The Last Picture Show (mercy)

-We play the game, fate controls the cards: “Grandpere (A.Hale),” Algiers (38)

-Who ever heard of starting a war in December!: “Violet Price (Spring Byington),” The Enchanted Cottage (1945)

-Get up, Spartacus, you Thracian dog! Roman legion (?), Spartacus (1960)

-You might even be intelligent..dangerous for a slave: “Marcellus,” Spartacus

-Most Romans love her (the City) as their mother but Crassus (Olivier) dreams of marrying the old girl: “Gracchus (Charles Laughton),” Spartacus

-It would take a great woman to get Crassus to fall out of love with himself: “Gracchus (Laughton), Spartacus

-When a free man dies he loses the pleasure of life. A slave loses his pain. Death is the only freedom a slave knows. That’s why he’s not afraid of it: Spartacus (Kirk Douglas),” Spartacus

-You’ve already been made a fool (Dall), let’s not add the trappings of a clown: Crassus (Laurence Olivier), Spartacus

-I am Spartacus!: “Antoninus et al (Tony Curtis et al),” Spartacus

-Let us drink to a new world of gods and monsters!: “Dr. Pretorius (Ernest Thesiger),” Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

-Almost anything that came out of the mouth of Hattie McDaniel (1895-52)

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-It was a glorious time. The wise guys were all over the place. It was before Appalachia: “Henry Hill (Ray Liotta), Good Fellas

-Now go home and get your fuckin’ shine-box (to “Tommy”)!: “Billy Batts (Frank Vincent),” Good Fellas (1990)

-I’m funny how, I mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you, I make you laugh, I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how, how am I funny?: “Tommy (Joe Pesci),” Good Fellas

-If there is any doubt, there is no doubt: “Sam (Robert De Niro),” Ronin (1998)

-What we have here is…a failure…to communicate: “Captain (Strother Martin),” Cool Hand Luke (1967)

-Stay down, your beat!: “Dragline (G.Kennedy),” Cool Hand Luke (empathy)

-There’s gonna’ be a whole lotta’ world shaking going on, Luke. We’ll send ya’ a postcard: “Dragline (Kennedy),” Cool Hand Luke

-Sometimes nothin’ can be a real cool hand: “Luke (Newman),” Cool Hand Luke

-What, are you calling me a liar (Dragline)? No, just that you have a common & likable tendency towards exaggeration: “Society (J. Cannon),” Cool Hand Luke

-Nobody can eat 50 eggs: “Society (J.D. Cannon),” Cool Hand Luke (stubborn)

-♫ As he started to go I started to know how it feels when the universe reels ♫: “Esther Smith (Judy Garland),” Meet Me In St. Louis (1944)

-♫ Soooo, have yourself a merry little Christ..mas…nooooooooooooooow ♫: “Esther (Garland),” Meet Me in St. Louis

-You shouldn’t kiss a girl when you’re wearing that gun, leaves a bruise: “Helen (Velma) (Claire Trevor),” Murder My Sweet (1944)

-Hey, you done good, buddy boy (Smith). Thanks, Daddy-Oh!: “Anybody’s (Susan Oakes),“ West Side Story (1961)

-Huh?: ”Del Griffith (John Candy),” Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987) (his surprise after plowing into a bad motel and just before burn-rubber getaway)

-We have about as good a chance of playing pick-up-sticks with our butt-cracks as we do getting a flight out of here tonite: “Del Griffith (John Candy),” Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987)

-Love is not a big enough word (for my wife): “Del Griffith (John Candy),” Planes, Trains and Automobiles

-Daddy! “Marti Page (O. Burnette),” Planes, Trains and Automobiles (home)

-Those aren’t pillows! “Neal (Steve Martin),” Planes, Trains and Automobiles

-You don’t need to be crazy to do this but it doesn’t hurt: “Buck Kennedy (Buck Jones) (roping routine),“ Hollywood Round-Up (1935 (context))

-So shines a good deed in a weary world (de Vere): “Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder),” Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)

-I aughta’ take this pencil and draw a circle around you: “Billie (Judy Holliday),” Born Yesterday (1950)

-I’ve never been insured in my life. I don’t believe in it. There’s no risk: “Lewis Medlock (Burt Reynolds).” Deliverance (1972)

-Sometimes you have to lose yourself before you can find anything: “Lewis Medlock (Burt Reynolds),” Deliverance

-This corn is special, isn’t it?: “Bobby Trippe (Ned Beatty),” Deliverance (to break the mood (“Ed”) at the dinner table)

-Why do you wanta’ go messin’ with that river (Seamon Glass)? Because it’s there!: “Lewis (Reynolds),“ Deliverance

-Almost anything that came out of the mouth of Frank Morgan (1890-49)

-Well, we’re back (gasp) in the car again (Mazzello). Well, at least you’re out of the tree: “Dr. Alan Grant (Sam Neill),” Jurassic Park (1993)

-They remember: “Robert Muldoon (Bob Peck),” Jurassic Park

-What are you rebelling against, Johnny ((Maley)? What do ya’ got?: “Johnny (Marlon Brando),” The Wild One (1953)

-I’m gonna’ go down there (pier) and get my rights: “Terry Malloy (Marlon Brando),” On the Waterfront (1956)

-I coulda’ been contender. I coulda’ been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am: “Terry (Brando),” On the Waterfront

-Then shut your mouth…before your guts run out: “Crunch (Frank Mazzola),“ Rebel Without a Cause (1955)

-And what about you (Wood)? Are you always at ringside?: “Jim ‘Jamie’ Stark (James Dean),” Rebel Without a Cause

-Welcome to the wonderful world of pussy, Meadows: “Signalman 1st Class ‘Badass’ Budusky (Jack Nicholson),“ The Last Detail (1973)

-Madam, please!: “Andrew Larkin (Van Johnson),” In the Good Old Summertime (1949, to repel anymore wind-aided brush-ups from “Veronica”)

-What am I, a criminal, a murder (Granger)? You might be if you keep driving through town at 85 miles per hour: “Cindy (Jane Powell), Small Town Girl (53)

-You want a player who won’t fight back? I want a ball-player who’s got the guts to not fight back: Rickey (Minor Watson), The Jackie Robinson Story (1950)

-30,000 (“Baptista (Kaszner)” offer to marry his daughter)! Fatheeeeeer!: “Petruchio (Howard Keel),” Kiss Me Kate (53) (deal struck)

-Well!? I wont to be alone: “Grusinskaya (Greta Garbo),” Grand Hotel (1932)

-Grand Hotel, always the same, people come, people go, nothing ever happens: “Dr. Otternschlag (Lewis Stone), Grand Hotel

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-Dyin,’ that’s easy, choosin’ a way to live, that’s the hard part: “Ben Vandergroat (Robert Ryan),” The Naked Spur (1953)

-How perfectly delightful it is to be sure.” Robert Crumb, Crumb (1994)

-Oh no, it wasn’t the airplanes. It was beauty killed the beast: “Carl Denham (Robert Armstrong),” King Kong (1933)

-Fortune’s ally to the brave: “Zeus (Laurence Olivier),” Clash of the Titans (81)

-What was his business (cop)? He used to be a big-shot: “Panama Smith (Gladys George),” The Roaring Twenties (1939)

-They aughta’ put you in mass production: “Fred (Dana Andrews),” The Best Years of Our Lives (1946) (to Theresa Wright)

-It’s funny, the things we love best are either illegal, immoral or make us fat: “Terry McKay (Irene Dunne),” Love Affair (1939)

-Who’s this (#2 on phone)? It’s me..it’s you..it’s us (#1)! Hold on a second (#2). Great, now I can’t even talk to myself: “’Steve (Keaton),’” Multiplicity (96)

-Sad state of affairs when a man has to indulge his vices by proxy: “General Sternwood (C. Waldron),” The Big Sleep

-You’re the only one I’ve met who didn’t claim to know everything in the whole world: “Collister (Beeson Carroll),” Bound for Glory (1976)

-He’s (workin’ folk) afraid to smile ‘cause somebody’s gonna’ swipe his teeth out of his mouth: Woodrow Wilson Guthrie (David Carradine), Bound for Glory

-She knows! Anne Sullivan (Anne Bancroft), The Miracle Worker (1962 (With Anne’s help, blind – deaf girl Helen Keller has an epiphany)

-I’m not gonna’ live by their rules, anymore!: “Phil Connor (Bill Murray),” Groundhog Day (1993 (driving car on train-tracks))

-Sextus, you once said ‘how’ to fight an idea…with another idea: “Messala (Stephen Boyd),” Ben Hur (1959)

-Bravely stated: “Sheik Ilderim (Hugh Griffith),” Ben-Hur (1959 (sarcasm)

-The cheaper the crook (Cook) the gaudier the patter: “Sam Spade (Humphrey Bogart),” The Maltese Falcon

-Why shouldn’t you (guess) if you’ve nothing to conceal (D.A. (J.Hamilton))? Everybody has something to conceal: “Spade (Bogart),” The Maltese Falcon

-You have always, I must say, a smooth explanation ready (Lorre). What do you want me to do, learn to stutter?: “Sam (Bogart),” The Maltese Falcon

-You are a liar (Bogart). I am. I’ve always been a liar (Astor). Well don’t, don’t brag about it. Was there any truth at all in that yarn? Some. Not very much: “Brigid O’Shaughnessy (Mary Astor),” The Maltese Falcon

-Suppose I wouldn’t tell you anything at all. What would you do, something wild and unpredictable (Astor)? Maybe: “Sam (Bogart),” The Maltese Falcon

-What is it (Ward Bond)? The a…stuff that dreams are made of: “Sam Spade (Bogart),” The Maltese Falcon

-I know where all the nukes are and I know the codes. You would be amazed, alot of shopping malls…DON’T repeat that!: “Megan (McCarthy),” Bridesmaids (’11)

-Temptation resisted is the truest measure of character: “Louis Dega (Dustin Hoffman),” Papillion (1973)

-I know, I know, feed ‘em, fly ‘em, then forget ‘em: “Ace Boreman (William Gargan),” Women in the Wind (1939)

-Is there a Northwest passage (Hussey)? Who knows. It’s always a man’s dream to find a short route to his heart’s desire: “Langdon Towne (Robert Young),” Northwest Passage (1940)

-Do you wanta’ play with us? Okay. Say ‘ello to my l’il friend!: “Tony Montana (Al Pacino),” Scarface (1983) (then, rat-a-tat-tat)

-I’m gonna’ make him (John Marley (“Director Jack Woltz”)) an offer he can’t refuse: “Vito Corleone (Marlon Brando),” The Godfather (1972)

–Ohhhh! It damn hurts (Fowler snuffing a match)! Certainly it hurts (O‘Toole). Well what’s the trick then? The trick, William Potter is not minding that it hurts: T.E. Lawrence (Peter O‘Toole), Lawrence of Arabia (1962)

-Aqaba! T.E. Lawrence (O’Toole), Lawrence of Arabia (it begins)

-Nothing is written: T.E. Lawrence (O‘Toole), Lawrence of Arabia

-He (Lawrence) was a scholar, a poet and a mighty warrior. He was also the most shameless exhibitionist since Barnum & Bailey: “Jackson Bentley (Arthur Kennedy),” Lawrence of Arabia

-But the Krell forgot one thing: Monsters, John (Neilson), monsters from the Id: “Lt. “Doc” Ostrow (Warren Stevens),” Forbidden Planet (1956)

-It is through error that man tries and rises. It is through tragedy he learns. All the roads of learning begin in darkness and go out into the light…Hippocrates of Cos: The Body Snatcher (epilogue) (1945)

-J’adore le passé. C’est beaucoup plus pacifique que le présent (I adore the past. It’s so much more peaceful than the present): “Meneur de Jeu (“Game Master”) (Anton Walbrook),” La Ronde (1950)

-♫ Gone again, skip to my Lou, gone again, skip to my Lou, gone again, skip to my Lou, skip to my Lou my Darling ♫: “Charlie (K. Curtis),” The Searchers (56)

-I too believe that everyone should have a chance at a breath-taking piece of folly, once in his life: “Mrs. Brown (Ann Revere),” National Velvet (1945)

-What’s the meaning of goodness if there isn’t a little badness to overcome?: “Mrs. Brown (Ann Revere), National Velvet

-So many currents in such a little puddle: “Mr. Brown (Crisp),” National Velvet

-That’ll be a dispute to the end of time, Mr. Brown, whether it’s better to do the right thing for the wrong reason or the wrong thing for the right reason: “Mrs. Brown (Ann Revere),” National Velvet

-Who’s been in my box (Velvet)? Me (Donald). ‘I (Edwina correcting).’ You, too? “Donald Brown (Jackie Jenkins), National Velvet

-I’ll have a dubonnet with a twist (in the old Russian Tea Room (NYC)): “Michael Dorsey / Dorothy Michaels (Dustin Hoffman),” Tootsie (1982)

-I need a $1000 (Hoffman). For what (Pollock)!? For what! For what!: “Michael (Dorothy) (Hoffman),” Tootsie

-Time for courage: “Sydney Carton (Ronald Colman),” A Tale of Two Cities (1935) (pre-guillotine, comforts young “seamstress (Isabel Jewells)”)

-Makes the crown jewels in the Tower of London look like costume jewelry: “Peachy Carnehan (Peter O’Toole),” The Man Who Would Be King (1975)

-There hasn’t been a kiss like that since the beginning of time: “Peter Standish (Leslie Howard),“ Berkeley Square (1933)

-Oh, only which three books would you (Lloyd) have taken?: “David Filby (Alan Young),” The Time Machine (1960, at close)

-Max, how do you feel about getting old? I always feel like I’m starting over: “Jackie Brown (Pam Greer),” Jackie Brown (1997)

-Oh, how I love you, love you, love you, love you (to Garner)!: “Karen Wright (Audrey Hepburn),” The Children’s Hour (1961)

-Move your bloomin’ ass!: “Eliza (Audrey Hepburn),“ My Fair Lady (1964)

-Why don’t you sing a song (Rooney)? How do you know I can sing (Garland)? You sing when you walk, when you talk. Why your eyes, why they’re singing right now: “Tommy Williams (Mickey Rooney),” Babes on Broadway (1941)

-I’m watching you! “Jack Byrnes (Robert Di Nero (father) with two-fingered gesture to Ben Stiller),” Meet the Parents (2000)

-Nothing so revolting to the young as the sight of their elders at play: “Rupert Venneker (Peter Ustinov),” The Sundowners (1960)

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-If it ain’t Wham, it ain’t ham!: “Gussie (Louise Beavers),” Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (1948)

-Mrs. Blandings little flower sink!: “Jim Blandings (Cary Grant),” Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (thoroughly frustrated)

-I do not care that you are not Chapel. I am with you! “Mr. Jones (Rhys Williams),” The Corn is Green (1945)

-I have never talked to a man for more than five minutes without wanting to box his ears: “Miss Lilly Moffat (Bette Davis),” The Corn Is Green

-If you do I shall strike you (“Bessie”) so hard I shall probably kill you: “Miss Moffat (Bette Davis),” The Corn is Green (young tart plays risky game)

-What happened (Dunnock)? We’ve met the Squire (Bruce) and he is ours! In ten minutes I have given the Squire the impression that he spends his whole time posturing genius in the illiterates. How? By soft soap and courtesy: “Lily Moffat (Bette Davis),” The Corn Is Green

-One shot: “Michael Vronsky (Robert De Niro),” The Deer Hunter (1978)

-You know we’re always fascinated when we find leg-irons with no legs in ‘em: “Deputy U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard (Tommy Lee Jones),” The Fugitive (1993)

-Newman (Gerard)? Yes (Wood)? What are you doing? Thinking. Well think me up a cup of coffee and a doughnut with some of those sprinkles on ’em! “Deputy Gerard (Tommy Lee Jones),” The Fugitive

-Can you hear me now? Yes (Wood). I don’t bargain: “Gerard,” The Fugitive

-They killed my wife (Ford). I know Richard, I know: “Gerard,” The Fugitive

-I thought you didn’t care (Harrison Ford)? I don’t. Don’t tell anybody: “Deputy Gerard (Tommy Lee Jones),” The Fugitive

-What I want from each and every one of you is a hard target search in every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen miles. Your fugitive’s name is Dr. Richard Kimble. Go get him!: “Gerard (Jones),” The Fugitive

-Look at this, we’re eatin’ oranges & makin’ IDs: “Gerard (Jones),” The Fugitive

-If they can dye the river green today, why can’t they dye it blue the other 364 days of the year?: “U.S. Marshal Robert Biggs (Daniel Roebuck),” The Fugitive

-And not only did they all come from healthy livers, they all came from the same liver (Lynch). Kathy you beauty: “Dr. Kimble (Harrison Ford),” The Fugitive

-Don’t worry, we’ll find her (Mom) for you. What are you, a football player, baseball player? Football (Robinson). Hey Doctor, they sent this one from downstairs. Get this one into Room Four, stat (Bruce)! Bye-bye, Joel: “Dr. Richard Kimble (Ford),” The Fugitive

-Richard!: “Gerard (Jones),” The Fugitive (spots RK descending City stairway)

-Hi!: Registration-table greeter girl (?), The Fugitive (flashback)

-Officer, officer, there’s a man in a blue coat waving a gun and screaming…at a woman: “Dr. Kimble (Ford),” The Fugitive (throwing off the cops)

-Frederick Sykes, 45, ex-cop and quite the clothshorse: “U.S. Marshal Erin Poole (L. Scott Caldwell),” The Fugitive

-Almost anything that came out of the mouth of Agnes Moorehead (1900-74)

-Wait a minute. I played a dirty trick on you (Garland). You better know, then you won’t feel so bad. When I offered to give you that song…I really didn’t mean it. I was playing you for a sap. I wanted to fix it so you’d give me a chance to try out with you. And all that sob stuff about me being ashamed of myself, that was just a bid for sympathy. I wasn’t ashamed, I thought I was being pretty cute. I’m ashamed now though. And this time, when I say I’m a heel, well, I’m not kidding: “Harry Palmer (Gene Kelly),” For Me and My Gal (1942)

-Is that alright with you (McNally)? You bet it’s alright!: “Jo Hayden (Judy Garland),” For Me and My Gal

-Hello, America, hang on to your lights, they’re the only lights left in the world!: “Huntley Haverstock (Joel McCrea),” Foreign Correspondent (1940)

-It is a crush, isn’t it (shelter)?: “Myra (Vivien Leigh),” Waterloo Bridge (1940)

-Myra’s just a sweet child, you can see that, can’t you (Field)? I can see that: “Captain Roy Cronin (Robert Taylor),” Waterloo Bridge

-You’re rather matter-of-fact (“Roy (Robert Taylor)”). And you’re a romantic: “Myra (Vivian Leigh),” Waterloo Bridge

-Here, take this (Leigh). You’re lucky charm (Taylor)!?: “Roy (Taylor),” Waterloo Bridge (+ music = most sentimental)

-War is no excuse for indecorum: “Madame (Ouspenskaya),” Waterloo Bridge

-The worst ain’t so bad when it finally happens: “Bob Curtin (Tim Holt),” The Treasure of Sierra Madre (1948)

-That’s Africa for you, one man dead, two beasts killed and no one the better for it: “Trader Horn (Harry Carey),” Trader Horn (1931)

-The lions let the jackal join in the kill (because) the jackal helps lead the lions to water: “Horn (Carey),” Trader Horn

-I don’t know why they named it after Thompson (gazelle). I showed him his first. Thompson was one of those guys who liked to carve his name into trees: “Aloysius ‘Trader’ Horn (Harry Carey),” Trader Horn

-(Africa) Either you’re killing someone to eat ‘em or trying to keep someone from killing you: “Trader (Carey),” Trader Horn

-One-she (one more (Sioux)): “Wind In His Hair (Rodney Grant),” Dances With Wolves (1990, warrior urges “Lt. Dunbar” to sit for one more story)

-This one’s for your shirts (Frankenstein), this other’s just for socks and poo-poo undies: “Elizabeth (Madeline Kahn),” Young Frankenstein (1974)

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-Well, uh, this Delores, she, uh, she’s real proud of what nature done for her, you know? Anyway, she asks me, she says, uh, ‘Don’t you think I got classy build?’ And I say, ‘Sure.’ And so she starts to show me, but I didn’t do nothin’ wrong. I just didn’t stop her form tryin’ to prove her point: “Harvey (Scott Wilson), In the Heat of the Night (1967, speaking to “Tibbs” in jail cell)

-I’ve had it up to here (hand to throat) with your town (Poitier)! Boy, it would give me a world of satisfaction to horsewhip you, Virgil (Steiger)! My father used to say that (laughing), even did, once or twice (Poitier). Yeah, well, not enough to suit me!: “Chief Gillespie (Rod Steiger),” In the Heat of the Night (1967)

-I’m tellin’ you that you’re gonna’ stay. You’ll stay here if I have to have your chief remind you what he told you to do. But I don’t think I have to do that, you see? No. Because you’re so damned smart. You’re smarter than any white man. You’re just gonna’ stay here and show us all. You could never live with yourself unless you could put us all to shame. You wanta’ know something, Virgil? I don’t think that you could let an opportunity like that pass by: “Chief Gillespie (Rod Steiger),” In the Heat of the Night

-I can pull that fat-cat down. I can bring him right off this hill (Poitier)! Oh boy, man, you’re just like the rest of us? “Chief (Steiger),” In the Heat of the Night

-Thank you. Bye bye (Steiger). Bye (Poitier). Virgil? You take care now, ya’ hear (Steiger)? Yeah (Poitier (smile)): In the Heat of the Night (progress)

-With experience it seems possible to control the flow of the paint to a great extent. And I don’t use, I don’t use the accident because I deny the accident: Jackson Pollock (Ed Harris), Pollock (2000)

-Modern art, to me is nothing more than the expression of the contemporary aims of the age that we’re living in: Jackson Pollock (Ed Harris), Pollock

-There are no stars (in rugby). That’s soccer: “Frank Machin (Richard Harris),” This Sporting Life (1963)

-Well, don’t bother Sefton. I don’t like you. I never did and I never will (Graves)! Alot of people say that and the first thing you know, they get married: “Sgt. J.J.Sefton (William Holden),” Stalag 17 (1953)

-Ach soooo: “Sefton (Holden),” Stalag 17 (rat found)

-Welcome to Sherwood, me Lady! ”Sir Robin of Locksley (Errol Flynn),” The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938)

-The Internal Affairs people were here hours ago. Two college educated little pricks! Acted like they was born & breed in Ohio: “Mrs. Ritter (Geraldine Page),” The Pope of Greenwich Village (1984)

-Blood? we’re not fucking blood, we’re third cousins (Mickey Rourke). With Italians, it’s like twin brothers with the Irish: “Barney” the safe-cracker (Ken McMillan), The Pope of Greenwich Village

-You got a sense of honor, I can smell it in ya!’ “Barney” the safecracker (Ken McMillan),” The Pope of Greenwich Village

-I’m not just an entertainer, I’m an influence, wielder of opinion, a force: “Larry ‘Lonesome’ Rhodes (Andy Griffith),” A Face In the Crowd (1957)

-They’re trained-seals (audience). Throw ‘em a dead fish and watch ‘em flap their flippers: “Lonesome (Griffith),” A Face In the Crowd

-Wait’ll I get to California! Gonna’ reach up and pick me an orange whenever I want it, or grapes. That there’s somethin’ I ain’t never had enough of! Gonna’ get me a whole bunch a grapes off a bush and I’m gonna’ squash ’em all over my face and just let the juice drain down offa’ my chin (Grapewin). Pa-raise the Lord for victory (Tilbury)! Maybe I get me a whole washtub fulla’ them grapes and just sit in ’em and scrooge around till they was gone!: “Grampa Joad (Charlie Grapewin),” The Grapes of Wrath (1940)

-Well, maybe it’s like Casy says, a fella’ ain’t got a soul of his own, but only a piece of a big soul, the one big soul that belongs to everybody, and then…Then what, Tom (Darwell)? Then it don’t matter. Then I’ll be all around in the dark. I’ll be everywhere, wherever you look. Wherever there’s a fight so hungry people can eat, I’ll be there. Wherever there’s a cop beatin’ up a guy, I’ll be there. I’ll be in the way guys yell when they’re mad and I’ll be in the way kids laugh when they’re hungry and they know supper’s ready. And when our people eat the stuff they raise and live in the houses they build, why, I’ll be there too: “Tom Joad (Henry Fonda),” The Grapes of Wrath

-A woman can change better than a man can. A man lives in jerks. A baby’s born or then somebody dies, that’s a jerk. He gets a farm or loses one, and that’s a jerk. With a woman it’s all in one flow, like a stream, like little eddies, little waterfalls, but the river, it goes right on. Woman looks at it like that: “Ma Joad (Jane Darwell),” The Grapes of Wrath

-Maybe, but we’ve sure takin’ a beatin (Simpson). I know. Maybe that makes us tough. Rich fellas come up and they die, and their kids ain’t no good, and they die out. But we keep a-comin’. We’re the people that live. Can’t nobody wipe us out. Can’t nobody lick us. We’ll go on forever, Pa. We’re the people: “Ma Joad (Darwell),” The Grapes of Wrath

-Where to now (Faye)? Home: “Eric Stanton (Dana Andrews),” Fallen Angel (1945) (closing line – love realized)

-You (Fonda) look like the last grave over near the willow: “Jean Harrington (Barbara Stanwyck),” The Lady Eve (1941)

-Plastics (to “Ben”): “Mr. McGuire (Walter Brooke),” The Graduate (1969)

-Can I have it (Curtis)? Nooooo, an officer’d take from you at Ft Benson. This gun’s too good for an officer: “Sgt. Wilkes (Jay Flippen),” Winchester ‘73 (1950)

-Oklahoma, Oklahoma, Oklahoma, Oklahoma (banging pot)! “Rubrick (Steve Martin),” Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988)

-Tranella speaks two languages, Italian and Brooklyn: Narrator on “Private Tranella (Richard Benedict),” A Walk In the Sun (1945)

-Don’t be a jerk all your life, take a day off: “Vic Dakin (Burton),” Villain (1971)

-Ahh, youth is wasted on the wrong people!: T-shirted man on porch (‘Why don’t you kiss her?!’) (Dick Elliott), It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

-Smack (on Geoffrey Lewis’ face)! Don’t ever point a gun at me! Understand?! Not even a twig (Eastwood)! Got it! You come from the hitters: “Goody (Geoffrey Lewis),” Thunderbolt and Lightfoot (1974)

-Why’d they move it (Bridges (old school house with the hidden loot)? History, history, damn it: “Thunderbolt (Clint Eastwood),” Thunderbolt and Lightfoot

-I don’t think of us as criminals, you know? I feel we accomplished something. A good job. I feel proud of myself, man. I feel like a hero: “Lightfoot (Jeff Bridges),” Thunderbolt and Lightfoot

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Steven Keys
Photo credit: Bonnie&Clyde, wc.cca, A.Koehne; M.Shearer, wc, 10.11.54, M.Feinstein; S.Tracy-E.Bartholomew, CC, 1937, MGM; J.Crawford, MGM, TLMC, 1937; M.Gandhi, wc, pre-1942; B.Davis, AllAboutEve, 1950; H.McDaniel, wc, 1939; R.Ryan-J.Leigh, MGM, wc, 1953; C.Grant-M.Loy, RKO, 3.28.45, wc; R.Steiger, wc, TUW, 1957; popcorn, wc, T.Bresson, 6.15.16
Posted: 2.16.17 @ 2:06pm EST; update 6.13; Copyright © 2017