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NFL17 Cherry Picks W4: ‘Comes The Revolution?’ Not Without a Message of Hope

27 Sep

Last season ex-QB Colin Kaepernick took a knee. Last week President Donald Trump reflected on the protest at a political rally by putting a foot (in his mouth). His words then incited NFL’ers from all walks on Sunday to stand arm & arm prior to W3 action as a show of unity in response to the Chief Executive’s unflattering though not exactly shocking remarks.

All of it constituting a snoozer of a class in NFL Anatomy 101.

And for once it wasn’t Roger Goodell at the center in the storm of player and junior-media discontent. Though, I haven’t yet seen a picture of the Raja hand-in-hand with any players or fellow Cufflinks in defiance of the President’s remarks. If I do I may get a print and have it framed. Oy vey.

The hubbub created a distraction not unlike that in the days just after sleazoids at TMZ released the Ray Rice – Jinay Palmer punch video, another topic tornado that tore through the entertainment media terrain only to weaken in strength when the slate of W3 games turned out to be quite watchable.

*Kaepernick wasn’t directly responsible for this knee-jerk show of League unity and apparent reinvigeration of his vague, racism-laced protest (See; white-only pig socks). The Commander-in-Chief can take full responsibility for the current melodramatic State of the Players’ Union.

The President, in lambasting (“fire”) NFL nappers (national anthem protesters), owners, fans (“leave the stadium”) and even League efforts to reduce post-career concussion-related maladies (“ruining the game“)* was kind of like that kid on the playground who unexpectedly grabs the football only to run around wildly while the regulars stand motionless in amazement, a bit befuddled, except THIS time, instead of letting the energetic ball-hog run himself out in seclusion, the populars decided to lock arms, feign anger and spotlight the little devil.

I like a bold President who speaks plain when occasion calls (“buck stops here (Truman)”), but a little bit o’ judgment (“son of a b#tch” was bad), even when stumping for votes (Sen.Strange (AL)) goes a long way in making the Term a success, especially when you’ve got your index primed to press (v. N.Korea).

Presidential PC Push Back

The one truly disturbing aspect about the President’s comments on the NFL was his disregard for the League’s effort to reduce the post-career onset of what has become a national health tragedy in neuro-degenerative disorder, mainly in trying to make helmets more effective and ban certain tackling techniques that always cheapened the spirit of sport. Football players and real fans understand.

If Trump’s family have been spared the scourge of Alzheimers and like dementia, referred to today by some in the medical community as diabetes of the brain (sugar), they can consider themselves very lucky because most Americans are becoming very familiar with the sorrow and stress, mental + financial, that accompanies the disease, including afflicted patient and tireless caregivers.

Better that both sides protest the harm that the nation’s sugar-diet wrecks upon its collective body and soul. But what would sponsor PepsiCo say?

There’s hypocrisy on both sides of this protest aisle.

The Trenders (NFLPA), more than a few who take childish pride in on-field & social-media trash-talk, have lined up behind a person (CK) they may not like, whose specific message is unclear and who they probably wish to just fade, are taking on a politican who rags about a monopoly (See; USFL 83-86) yet whose economic game-plan aims to, just as did former-President Obama, secure those very cartels that leave consumers powerless.

While many cite Donald’s USFL venture for comparison, I happened upon a curious quote by actor Aldo Ray whose birthday was on Monday (1926-91). Here is what the 50-60s tough-guy and co-star in one of the great sport comedies, Pat and Mike (52), had to say about…saying things: “I regret I don’t have more control of my tongue because I speak too frankly and honestly, and this world is not meant for frank, honest people. They don’t mix. Reality is pretty phony.”*

Yes, honesty is not always the best policy. It’s subject to common sense or, again, that mental ability we call judgment capability. Tell a Yank they can’t reasonably protest and you’re in for a fight. That one goes WAY back (See; 1776).

But the NFL platform today presents a unique stage for protest. It’s a symbolic power-grab where progress sits the bench for political profiteering by displays of anger, much less justified than in 1968 (Olympics), with little risk of ramification as entire teams lock arms and cocoon themselves cozily in the spirit of club.

Try pulling this kneel thing at your Walmart company picnic during a pledge or anthem and you may not last too long with the Arkansas-headquartered operation, whether in Little Rock or Kalamazoo.

“Comes the revolution?”* Not bloody likely.

For a successful movement you start with seriousness, then add hope to the message, not just self-serving anger and nervous conformity. But hope needs truth, a good share, anyway and honesty-patriots in 2017 are in shorter supply than were clean meat and woolen socks at Valley Forge (1777-78).

Marriage Rocks

What then is the end game here?

The mass player protests seem intended to spite the President while owners and coaches most assuredly joined up to keep it all cool. Not the most sincere protest, so don’t expect it to continue indefinitely, not in the same form, anyway. And with Kaep short on truth and his goals lacking clarity, like, were he seeking due process or specific facts in cases of investigated police misconduct from City, State or Justice Department watchdogs, player passion for protest will likely give way to career concerns, sooner than later, for most of the hand holders.

Will NFL owners put the ‘welcome mat’ out for Mr. Pig Socks and recruit an owner to roster the flashman to further spite the Oval Officer? Probably not, as the majority of fans, even minorities, are not too cool with Kaep and his agenda. But expect the NFL Cufflinks, even as President Trump serves their economic interests, to have a good chuckle or two postulating the possibility.

The marriage between sport and patriotism has been a long one. Like all recognized unions in bliss, it has had its ups and it has had its downs but for the most part it’s been one of purpose and contentment.

If the NFL and it players continue to use that consecrated coupling as a means to vet-out every feeling and foible facilitated by any trend that on-ramps the virtual highway, the divorce proceedings will begin in earnest, not between the partners sport and patriotism, but that joining of loyal football fans and the discretionary relationship they’ve long had with the game and its well-paid profiteers.

Perhaps wiser heads can impress upon the faux protesters the realities of life: ‘Your conference call to Misters Goodell and Smith is ready now, Ms. Nooyi.’

Cherry Picks Week 4: Back to Business

Bears @ Packers: 9.28 CBS 8:25: GreenBay
Titans @ Texans: 10.1 CBS 1:00: Houston
Steelers @ Baltimore: CBS 1:00: Ravens
Detroit @ Minnesota: Fox 1:00: Vikings
LosAngeles @ Cowboys: Fox 1:00: Rams
Buffalo @ Atlanta: CBS 1:00: Falcons
Philadelphia @ LosAngeles: Fox 4:05: Eagles
Raiders @ Denver: CBS 4:25: Oakland
Indianapolis @ Seattle: NBC 8:30: Seahawks
Washington @ KC: 10.2 Disney 8:30: Chiefs

Record: 2-5

Steven Keys
NFL HunchLine
Photo credit: NFL-symbol, wikiproject, 2011; President-D.Trump, Transition-2017, wc.cca, 11.9.16, 450k; IndraNooyi, PepsiCo, 1.23.08, wc.cca, Davos, 3m, WEF; British-General Cornwallis-Surrender-At-Yorktown, 115k, JohnTrumbull, oil, 1797; JimOtto, NFL, Topps, 1970
Posted: 9.27.17 @ 12:16aE, edit 9.28; Copyright © 2017
References: *Cnn.com, “Trump: NFL Owners Should Fire Players Who Protest,” S.Tatum, 9.23.17; “The Battle Cry of Aldo Ray”. Movieline, 1.1.91 (Wikipedia); Glenda Farrell, Here Comes Carter (36), WarnerBrothers

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Yore Movie Swells: Tasty Love Triangles and Bad Triangle Art In Celluloid Cinema

4 Jun

The Movie Love Triangle

The number three (3): It’s not just holy (Trinity), the tres is a basic element in life’s periodic table of circumstance. It’s found almost as often as carbon, chlorophyll and car chase scenes. Alot more fun than the number one but without all that pressure that can come with two.

What has three sides, fills with equal parts love, hate and confusion, shakes-out quicker than you can say Jack Robinson but takes an hour to drink in its full, rich flavor? A bad banana daiquiri? Take another swig. It’s the movie love triangle!

There’s something about having three of whatever it is that makes it a force to reckon with, the third adding balance when two gets a bit wobbly (The Quiet American (58 / 02)) or necessary tension to give the ride more spring (Kelly + Reynolds + O’Connor (Singin’ In the Rain (52)).

Some notable trios:

A good place to start is the nursery rhymes in the Three Little Pigs, Three Blind Mice and Goldie Locks and the Three Bears;

The bejeweled triple crowns in baseball and horse-racing;

Three strike (MLB – 1888) and three strike rules (crime convictions = life jail);

Early 20th century trio of bear Cubs in Joe Tinker (SS), Johnny Evers (2B) and Frank Chance (1B) (hot-corner Harry Steinfeldt forever in the shadow) who were the tar & nails that held their champion-ship together;

Memorable NHL scoring threesomes in the Punch (40s Habs Toe Blake, Elmer Lach and Maurice “Rocket” Richard), the Production (post-WW2 Red Wings in Gordie Howe, Frank Mahovlich and Alex Delvecchio) and Party lines (80s Blackhawks Al Secord, Dennis Savard and Steve Larmer);

Famous film trios The Three Musketeers (35), The Three Stooges (34), Paradise for Three (38) the Three Amigos (86 (ugh)), “Tuco” – “Blondie” & “Angel-eyes (The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (66))” and The French Line with gorgeous Jane Russell, handsome Gilbert Roland and dedicated Arthur Hunnicutt (1954).

The New England championship triumvirate in current quarterback Tom Brady, head coach Bill Belichick and owner Robert Kraft.

Pop music loved the tres: The Three Degrees, Three Dog Night, songs “Knock Three Times“ and “♫ once, twice…three times a lady ♫.”

The big three Allied powers in WW2: Soviets, British and Yanks;

Our constitution-based government works its check and balance through the three branches of judiciary, legislative and executive powers.

There were the three bucks (4-6 pointers?) that showed-up in our backyard last summer just for a brief look-see.

And the tastiest lunchtime triad ever served up in the hot dog (uncured), bean soup & potato chips (mustard & pickle preferred, paper napkin a must).

The pointed passion circle is not as certain as death and taxes in life’s journey but it’s definitely in the top five, “definitely!”

A cinema staple since before the Swingline® started holding it all together, the love triangle fastens fans to their seats as sure as drama and mad-cap adventure, its popularity from the fact that the tricky triad holds a chapter in most biographies, whether you knew it or not (gulp).

But it’s on the silver screen where the crowded state of affairs takes on a curious, usually pretty interesting aura of angst.

The Hollywood pros in front and behind the camera can make almost anything look glamorous, from bad deeds (Bonnie and Clyde (67)) to something as simple as turning down bed sheets in prelude to a lustful encounter (This Sporting Life (63)). So why wouldn’t the love triangle translate too?

They began in the silents and ran strong well into the 1960s providing plots and pushing viewers to pick a side. By the polyester period (70s) the triangle had, for the most part, been shelved with the occasional re-appearance (Working Girl (88) / Titanic (97) / Amores Perros (00)), for old times sake (?).

The listing herein is not exhaustive of movie love triangles by any means, but examples of some of the worst, the best and how in spite of a terrible triangle a good time can still be had by viewers.

Three points to keep in mind: 1) There are good and there are bad L/Ts. Geometric juxtaposition is no guarantee for a good watch, unless Seiko’s keeping time; 2) The bad are not necessarily bad movies, in fact, some are good enough to keep you glued, with the tacky triad usually stemming from non-believability and a normally strong male lead (Lancaster, Mitchum, Garfield, etc.) written as a sap, and 3) Not all three sides need be of the human species, for included here is a big ape, Alien pods and even something as intangible as duty, the tangible kind found in the “Bushwood Country Club” pool (Caddyshack (80)).

The Bad Triangle

Baby Doll (56): Either kiss her (“Doll”) or cut her free, “Archie,“ but why you never gave “Silva” a swift kick in the pants I never understood.

Casablanca (42): Neck n’ neck with Citizen Kane to take vintage cinema’s Over-rated Cup (contemporary field is crowded) which explains why two of its three (+Bogart) leads in Paul Henreid and Ingrid Bergman never bought the hype. That she’d end up at his café to cheat on her Nazi-pursued husband is about as believable as Rita Hayworth a blonde (The Lady From Shanghai (47)).

Champion (49): Real-to-life in its portrayal of how brash boys (Douglas) always get the girl over the nice guys (Kennedy), buy a really, really bad boxing and babes movie. Was first big hit for film giants Stanley Kramer and Kirk while Ruth looks splendid in her white, one-piece swimsuit. And any pre-development shots of the California Pacific coast are always way, way cool.

Cleopatra (34 / 63): Don’t trust me, go ahead and watch. Pack a lunch (4h+).

Criss Cross (49): Only the marvelous mood-setting L.A. locales (Bunker Hill district, downtown, etc.) were believable.

East of Eden (55): All’s hunky-dory between “Abra (Harris)” and “Aron (Davalos)” who props his odd-ball brother “Caleb (Dean),” the later who turns their world upside down with wartime profiteering, stealing the girl’s heart, driving the jilted into the War to cause their father’s stroke. One bad triangle.

Gilda (46): Top tune (“Put the Blame On Mame”), copper Calleia at his best, Ford (fists) and Macready (cane) impress in the clutch but like Casablanca (42), former flames reuniting where they do is complete balderdash, this time down Argentina way, then add in Hayworth’s kooky choice in Nazi-sympathizer spouse (“Mundson”), all make this L/T…T/L (totally limp).

Holiday Affair (49): Cute film with judge Harry Morgan snapping off wisecracks like fireworks. A good Ajax scrub for bad-boy toker Bob Mitchum. But single-Mom Leigh dumping oxymoronic likable lawyer and long-time suitor Wendell Corey (“Carl”) for fly-by-seat-of-his-hobo-pants “Steve?” C’mon, “Connie!”

Humoresque (47): After she (Crawford) finally wins his heart and he (Garfield) finally makes up his mind, she takes the long walk into the sea of love.

It Came From Beneath the Sea (55): Shameless display of flirt and emasculation. Only wish the NMO (normal man out) Curtis (“John”) had taken the short, chain-smoking smart-ass Tobey character (“Pete”) and Howard Hughes’ girlfriend (?) Faith Domergue (“Les”) and clunked their heads together at close. So awkward even Ray Harryhausen’s typical top-tier SMA couldn’t save this bad boy…girl.

Out of the Past (47): This one is a love rectangle (square) where Jane Greer (“Moffat”) had allure in spades but like Burt Lancaster in The Killers (46) when the love-sick “Swede” practically commits suicide in letting tough guys Charles McGraw and William Conrad (“bright boy”) blow uncontested into his room to empty their revolvers, Robert Mitchum (“Bailey”) too plays the super sap.

Pal Joey (57): Even Sinatra’s voice can’t fuel this clunker.

Red Dust (32) (Mogambo (53)): Gable never runs out but adulteresses in both (Astor – Kelly) are so poorly scripted you wonder why they bothered.

Sabrina: (54) Paramount tabbed “terrific triangle” but usually sharp-as-a-tack Holden is scripted an idiot and Bogart’s bored until final smackdown.

Sleepless in Seattle (93): After respective hits When Sally Met Harry (89) and Big (88), Hanks and Ryan’s likeability ratings were higher than the Empire State Building, even as this triangulated affair (+ Bill Pullman) is too cute, too much kid (Malinger) and constitutes two too many remakes of a grand original, Love Affair (39) (See also; An Affair to Remember (57)).

Song of India (49): Triangle makes some sense (Sabu > Gail < Bey) but its resolution and laughter in final scene is preposterous…and cold.

Sunset Boulevard (50): Triangle again is believable enough (Swanson > Holden < Olson) but Bill’s bail on “Norma,” she not just a pretty face, is bogus.

The Cat People (42): French beauty Simone Simon can get catty but new hubbie Kent Smith (“Oliver Reed”) turns wolf with ‘friend’ “Alice (Randolph)” before honeymoon ends, leading this viewer hoping the feline feasts.

The Graduate (69): Mommie Dearest and vampish motives aside, “Benjamin (Hoffman)” was in clover with the “Mrs. (Bancroft)” but then got greedy to graze in posted pasture (Ross) to turn pathetic post-grad.

The Las Vegas Story: A marriage on the brink (Price + Russell) pushed over by an ex-lover (Mature) who investigates the husband. Guess who wins?

The Pace that Thrills (52): Vintage, daring motorcycle footage in neato-keeno but once again the bad boy (Williams) gets the gal (Carla Balenda).

The Painted Veil (34): Nice ending but Brent’s advances on Garbo feel forced. A build up to the love from happenstance would‘ve worked fine.

The Philadelphia Story (40): Kate’s not that likeable, harebrained haughty we loved so in Bringing Up Baby (38). She’s the other kind.

The Postman Always Rings Twice (46): Garfield plays out of his typical, strong, savvy persona into another unbelievable L/T super sucker for a fairly typical, scheming blonde (Turner). The ‘Crime Never Pay’s’ road-sign is posted early and makes for a long, painful drive (113m) on Sleeper Highway.

Two Guys From Milwaukee (46): Fun movie turns uncomfortable when once likable “Prince Henry (Dennis Morgan)” turns hound-dog (cad), made worse when the lady on point, Joan Leslie (“Connie”), proves full o’ fickle.

Vanessa, Her Love Story (35): Early talkie where the odd man out (Krueger) goes insane, then dies. That’s one sure way to break a triangle (ugh).

The Good Triangle

Amores Perros (00 / Mexican): Octavio y Susana y Ramiro.

An American Tragedy (31) (A Place In the Sun (52)): Triangulations are quite effective. In #1, Sydney’s smile, and other assets, captures your heart like the dark-haired radiance, among other assets, of rich girl Liz who “wow(s)” in #2 version. But on the whole, both drag out and sink themselves with identically absurd (prejudicial) courtroom boat re-enactments.

Black Narcissus (47): Nepalian nun noir.

Born Yesterday (50)

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (69)

Creature From the Black Lagoon (54): Another monster angle but this time a square that includes gill-man (x2). Though friendship replaced love, triangle took shape when Peter Benchley and Steve Spielberg turned Creature into Jaws (75).

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (88): Love (Caine) > con (Headly) < lust (Martin)

Doctor Zhivago (65): Ubiquitous “Yuri” is everywhere. Never know whose wife he’ll turn up in. First you admire, then hate him, cry and finally smile.

Fallen Angel (45)

Flowing Gold (40)

Gaslight (44)

Gone With the Wind (39): First you think of the greatest love triangle in cinema history (“Rhett > “Scarlett“ < “Ashley”), and you’d be right, then you remember big-eyed, big-hearted Melanie and the love rectangle (square) takes shape.

Great Day In the Morning (56): Love rectangle

Homecoming (48): Gutsy Gable, Turner and Baxter but Hodiak steals the show.

I Can Get It For You Wholesale (51)

I Know Where I’m Going! (45)

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (56): Most Pro-McCarthy (anti-Red) films were awkward & obvious (Dan diss on “faith”) but IOTBS is a masterpiece of metaphor & emotion with an ending all can embrace: Kevin > Dana < Pods.

It Happened One Night (34)

King Kong (33): Cabot > Wray < Kong

Knife in the Water (62 / Polish): Triangle like only Polanski could forge.

Love Affair (39)

Miller’s Crossing (90)

Mr. & Mrs. Smith (41)

Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (48): Husband, wife and lawyer.

Norma Rae (79)

Rain Man (88): “Charlie” > “Raymond” < “Dr. Bruner”

Raw Deal (48): Marsha Hunt, Claire Trevor and Dennis O’Keefe star.

Roman Holiday (53): Anglo-Roman fairytale (D.Trumbo) of checked and triangular love: Anne, Joe and Duty

Scarlet Street (45): “Lazy Legs” messed with the wrong bank clerk who had heart of an artist (Ed) but still had a Little Caesar (31) inside (Ouch!).

Song of Love (47)

Spartacus (60): “Spartacus” and “Varinia” and “Crassus”

Sudden Fear (52): Joan still rode crest of the wave churned up by Mildred Pierce (45), proving equal to the challenge anted-up by slinky Gloria.

The Best Years of Our Lives (46): Nobody ever scored on the rebound (“Marie” > “Fred” > “Peg”) like “Captain Fred.” And I don’t care that it’s just a movie, that closing scene with Dana and Teresa pulled together like magnets is pure love.

The Big Country (58): “Jim” and “Julie” didn’t know it, but they were squaring-off with “Pat” and “Steve” just after they did the “deed”…for “Old Muddy.”

The Big Sky (52)

The Blot (21 / silent)

The Earrings of Madame de… (53): Surname excluded to protect the innocent.

The Kid from Texas (39)

The Macomber Affair (47): Tale of a troubled twosome on African hunt with a guide in the middle. Self-discovery comes at the highest price while question of intent remains as open with Hemingway as it did with Theo Dreiser.

The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (62)

The Man With the Golden Arm (55): Sinatra’s best as under-rated Eleanor bravely plays the part that no dishy dame wanted.

The Night of the Iguana (64): Maybe the most psychologically instructive and then ultimately heartfelt love triangle in cinema history.

The Pope of Greenwich Village: “Paulie” > “Charlie” < “Diane”

The Red Shoes (48): One a troubled triangle of personal love (“Boris” > “Vicky” < “Julian”), inter-locking with a 2nd that, for a time, formed a perfect triad of artistic expression in dance, composition and production. TRS is in that larger-than-admitted group of movies (100 +/-) in consideration for greatest all-time.

The Seventh Veil (45): Not surprising that the sensuous, soft Ann Todd (“Francesca”) could command a pentagon of love.

The Sheepman (58)

The Spy In Black (39)

The Third Man (49): “Holly” > “Anna” < “Harry”

Trader Horn (31)

Witness (85)

Working Girl (88): Two triangles for Melanie Griffith and Harrison Ford, one each for Sigourney Weaver and Alec Baldwin, I think. At this point I’m getting a little geometrically opposed, if you know what I mean.

Steven Keys
Photo credit: JamesCVanTrees, 1922, Mitchell-camera, wc.cca; pizza-triangles, 4.5.15, sunny-mama, wc; three-deer-illuminated, Haifa, German-colony, wc, Yuval-Y, 12.18.10, CC-GFDL; Cleopatra, 1963, 20CF, wc, R.Harrison-E.Taylor; Sabrina, 1954, Paramount, W.Holden-A.Hepburn, wc; DoctorZhivago, 1965, O.Shariff-J.Christie, wc, F.Young, MGM; ScarletStreet, cop-E.Robinson-J.Bennett, wc, UP, 1945; TheRedShoes, Ballerinailina, 1948, wc.cca, TheArchers, ADA; popcorn, T.Bresson, wc.cca, 6.15.16
Posted: 5.25.17, re-post 6.4 @ 6:36pm (photo) EST; Copyright © 2017

ESPN17: Start Bailing ‘Little Buddy,’ This Skipper Can’t Steer a Ship Either

4 May

ESPN president and Disney Suit John Skipper would never be confused on sight with Alan Hale’s seafaring TV character of the 1960s shipwreck comedy, Gilligan’s Island (’64-67 CBS). Now “Thurston Howell III,” Jim Backus’ sarcastic and always well-attired millionaire on the high-traffic but officially deserted key, he might bear a slightly better resemblance, at least in trappings.

Hale Jr. (“Skipper”), the son and near image of his famous actor father (mother was silent star Gretchen Hartman) and namesake who teamed with many greats including Errol Flynn in The Adventures of Robin Hood (38) (“Little John”), played the perpetually frustrated captain with the half-dozen castaways and bore little physical likeness to the contemporary Cufflink and Columbia graduate.

But were you to compare the two on their judgment and disposition of respective charges (“S.S. Minnow” v. ESPN), “Mr. Howell” might very well say this of both leaders: ‘Now I say, Lovie, there are two men cut from the same cloth…burlap!’

Disney ≠ sports

Last week the Disney (ESPN) sports network made the real news page when they announced the firing of 100 or so employees, some of long standing like NFL reporter / insider, Ed Werder and anchor Jay Crawford.

You want details on the pink-slip parade? You’ll have to peruse the net yourself. I can’t afford the megabytes, not with usage rates soaring skyward (oy vey).

Suffice to write, if these terminations are consistent with the industry approach in recent years, most of the pinkees were male, white, older (35+) and performed their jobs with overall skill and dedication, i.e., too many college degrees for too few jobs and with too many niche markets to meet.

Do we care about the cut-down, even as sport fans? Hmmm, not really. Aside from the smidgen of camaraderie I feel for the majority in that I too am male, white, degreed and older, those fired should’ve seen this coming years ago and prepared accordingly with resume updates in phone #s and references.

This mass, forced exodus may be just one more phase in a pattern of ill-advised changes that’ve been steadily implemented since Skipper took to steering content calls in 2005. Though, in the case of fired NFL analyst Trent Dilfer, the former QB had not been the same since he seems to’ve taken that bad (saboteur-ish (?)) advice from “Kenny Mitchell” on the set to develop an edge (See; Rob Parker).

What the downsize does do is provide a sounding-board for this former Disney devotee to vent views on likely motivations behind the on-going chintzy changes being wrought by Skipper & Co. to the network’s motif & mission, and then the big markers along this sad journey that have turned what had been a sport fan dreamland (1979 – 2010) into a nightmare that seems to have no good end.

♫ Those Were The Days My Friend ♫

I was a regular of ESPN’s early entrée in the 1980s. I think those like me had grown up on ABC Wide World of Sport and figured this was the next best step.

Diversity in race, gender and games was absent in the anchorage and content in this Mercury stage of cable media, so to speak. But by Apollo phase (85 >) pay-load in variety had launched, hit pay-dirt ($) and has been in orbit ever since.

Bottom-line: Everybody was welcome. Male or female, black or white, young or old, USA-born or foreign, most viewers had a common thread running through their collective letter jacket: A sincere love of sport. We didn’t care if you were a purple octopus from Venus reading the copy, if you knew your stuff, we could tell and we watched. And if you didn’t, we could spot that too. But those fakes never showed up on the Sportscenter back then or were awful terrific actors.

If a fan of the American majors (MLB, NFL, etc.) and highlights, you were in clover. Sport news served piping hot, before poker (Zzzz), college aid (ESPNU), morning fashion plate, kid content (X Games), music promos, Sportscenter specialty segments and all those boorish talking heads. Had the foreign sporting fare been served up (soccer (fútbol), rugby, béisbol – 野球 – 야구), their fans too would be waxing sentimental and grinding their teeth over ESPN’s devolution.

And there was always the ticker at the bottom of the screen as your fall-back to get scores, sans the endless sabrmetric snooze for today‘s fantasy gambler.

For $12 a month, basic cable gave you a whole new world of information, not as broadly capable as the internet but less pricey and totally cool.

For news you got locals, networks and CNN Headline 24-7 with neutral anchors who just read the copy. For sport you got TBS (Braves), WGN (Cubs), USA network and Bristol-based ESPN: Also 24-7 with anchors in standard-issue blazers. Then came the acquisitions by ABC (‘84), Capital Cities Communications (‘85) and in 1996 the game-changer in The Walt Disney Company.

The anchor personalities were memorable (Tom Mees (d.1996) and Charley Steiner come to mind), all clear, often clever without being cute. There wasn’t a clunker among ‘em. The savvy Linda Cohn and Bob Ley are the two remaining but most moved on to greener pastures ($) only to fall off the map, so to speak.

And now it’s all gone, gone with the wind in Turner vernacular.

Youthenization

In the 90s began the serious expansion and then dilution of the ESPN product.

First came ESPN Radio (‘92), ESPN2 (93), ESPY nite (Only SAG name is worse) and then the X Games (95), the start of a youthenization that’s swept the TV dial (Expect a “Harry Potter” marathon on TCM in the not too distant future) and all consumerland (See; Honda Civic). All reasonable enough ventures but started a process of change that’s become OCD with the Suits & Skirts in charge.

With Disney’s stewardship an arrogant air began to permeate the place. Contra-indicated, given the history of Walt‘s baby, but this wasn‘t your father’s Disney.

Media high-hats arrived like Tony Kornheiser, Stephen Smith, Skip Bayless, most on the Sports Reporters not named Dick Shaap or John Saunders, radio Colin Cowherd, onliner Bill Simmons, host Trey Wingo and former jocks in Marcellus Wiley, Tedy Bruschi and Mark Schlereth, all displaying to differing degrees, that boyish bravado to stoke confrontation and then have come to define the new ESPN gestalt: Edgy and most often annoying as hell, for sport fans, anyway.

Once at the content wheel, John put his Disney-sized staple-remover to work.

Out went trusty ESPN News (b.96), bread & butter for the sport junkie.

SportsCentury, the hour-long documentaries hosted by Chris Fowler, before he took residence in the weight room, that did more for sport and history than anything Ken Burns ever did (or likely will), was given the boot in 2007.

Pulled from premium, mid-level satellite – cable package was ESPN Classic where light-hearted (Cheap Seats) and thought-provoking diversions (Woody’s World), made with equal parts of insight and comedy, were showcased.

And due to the network coined ‘instant classic’ phrase, any game, even from the nite before, qualified as vintage, meaning, Howe v. Hull, Lasorda v. Herzog, Bird v. Magic, Marino v. Kelly, were permanently shelved as pre-historic.

Then came the clearest sign that Disney no longer had any interest whatsoever in keeping up the pretense that their ESPN property was a sports network.

Even as 1st and 10 had became the most highly anticipated daily sport debate in all of American media (2003-11), sometimes as a segment (Cold Pizza / First Take (AM gab-fest format)), later stand-alone but always diverse, Skipper pulled the plug and replaced it with a niche-market sabrmetric / diversity combo show called Numbers Never Lie, then His & Hers. Perfect.

I don’t watch much Disney (ESPN) anymore. I’d suspect not many sport fans do (unless an engineer or heart surgeon, “numbers (can) lie” plenty). Why go where you’re not welcome, especially when the time allotted for real sport news is thinner than the newest female anchor?

Who’s likely to watch the “leader” in sport coverage nowadays?

1) College females and family with a connection to Title IX;
2) College males and young brothers with fantasy play lineups;
3) Foreign-born citizens and residents (ESPN Deportes 2004);
3) NBA followers; and
4) NFL fans who have by August developed a ravenous appetite for anything football. The exits of the too comfortable Tom Jackson – Chris Berman can only fuel the hunger to feast whatever‘s put onto the plate.

Cohn spoke recently about the firings, stating that she believes “politics” played a role in the employee upheaval. That’s very likely but something long standing, more deeply engrained in the Disney dynamic is really at its root.

Youthful whimsy in cartoon defined the Disney company Walt and his brother Roy began in 1923 Los Angeles. That core purpose in selling to children and adult sentimentalities to that end has remained the focus in today’s diversified media and entertainment giant. Modern empire-builders, the Disneys understood the emerging, malleable market that were Amercia’s youth (plus their giving parents) and designed a template for success that worked as a sort of incubator of early youthenization marketing which John has simply carried over to the ESPNs.

Even as yesteryear’s cartoons and theme-park pirate patches have been replaced on the network with slinky club-wear, rap music motifs, fantasy-driven stat-parades and ESPN phone-apps, the goal remains the same: Selling to kids.

What’s good for the Donald has not always been what’s good for the Daisy.

Most perplexing in John Skipper’s management of the ESPN monopoly is that in its multitude of channel options, sufficient to cater to all their target markets in kids, females, foreign fare and angry men (radio), he could’ve quite easily stayed connected to the substantive news format on one of those channels to retain the base viewership that had always been the network’s real sustenance.

But when a better, more sport-centric, likely more popular product is juxtaposed along-side a channel that runs so much niche stuff or downright gobbledygook, that arrangement can make programmers, not necessarily prospective viewers, very uncomfortable for having slotted the ephemera in the first place.

Me and my ilk departed from ESPN Islands long ago. There’s a free charter on the south end with weather updates on the hour. It’ll take you anywhere you want. All you need to board is a suitcase full o’ frustration and a love of sport.

Steven Keys
Straight Shooter
Photo credit: TheWaltDisneyCompany, wordmark, wc.cca; A.Hale.Jr., 9.12.66, wc, GilligansIsland, CBS; ESPN, wc, word mark; ESPN2, wc, word mark; ESPN, wc, 2.26.10, Jaworski, Wingo, Schlereth, Bruschi, J.Kern; ESPN-studio, wc, Jkinsocal, Bristol-CT, 2.2.13; StraightShooter, citrus.fruit-label
Posted: 5.4.17 @ 12:28am EST, edit 5.4; Copyright © 2017

NFL17: Adrian Peterson Pressing For Saint-hood On a 2d Miracle Comeback

27 Apr

Adrian Peterson v. Marshawn Lynch

If New Orleans Saints new superstar in Adrian Peterson can pull off yet another miracle comeback as he did in 2015 when, post-injury, he led the League in rush yards and the Vikes to an 11-5 mark, it won’t qualify him for sainthood by Vatican standards but it should help to return the NFL Saints back to contendership while exorcizing any demon that All-Day may’ve realized in last year’s physical and family troubles. “The power of Christ (and a Super Bowl ring) compels you!”

On Monday, Peterson inked a 2-yr, $7 million deal with the Saints (3.5M gtd (2.5b)) that has a potential to pay the future HOF’er $8M+ if incentives are met.

Adrian’s exit from Minnesota and subsequent sign with his former team’s 2010 NFCC opponent, ironic in that it was they (NO) who forced him into fumblitis (3) to stymie his one chance at Super trip, marks the end of an era for the franchise which is still seeking its first SB win in four tries and return trip to the Big Game since 1977 when Bud Grant strolled the frigid Metropolitan (MoA) sideline.

In Peterson’s ten seasons in the Land of 10.000 Lakes, missing almost two complete campaigns due to knee injuries, Purple made the playoffs four (4) times, getting as far as the NFCC once with Brett Favre under center, Adrian winning All-Pro honors four times and MVP (AP) in 2012.

The Vikings have some things to smile about on the departure of their franchise face: A glittering new stadium (US Bank), veteran, fairly savvy QB in Sam Bradford and a head coach in Mike Zimmer who has returned the Norseman to a semblance of defensive respectability (#3 yapg / #6 papg) that has only been seen sporadically since the Vikings glory days in the 70s.

But while their braintrust in GM Rick Spielman, owners Wilf (Zygi – Mark) and the coach may feel equal parts of gratitude and relief when the optioned-out Peterson turns topic, they’ve still got a major problem in matriculation (offense) that’s persisted since Favre’s exit, one which the Draft won’t resolve quickly.

The Saints, on the other hand, they matriculate just fine.

In final 2016 regular season ranks, New Orleans led all teams in yards gained per game (426), just ahead of NFC champion, Atlanta (416 (#2)), and flip it with their regional rival in the all important points scored per game category (#1 / 33.8), putting up on average 29+ per (#2) last year.

When you’ve got record-setter Drew Brees expertly manning the controls (2001), an ageless wonder who, like Tom Brady, looks to have some kind of a Dorian Gray thing going, sans the gruesome painting (See; O.Wilde), offense is rarely a problem. Those 1000 receivers can come in (Michael Thomas) and go out (Brandin Cooks (NE)) and Brees just keeps breezing along.

And even a quarterbacking-machine like Brees needs a break from the pressure now and then. And that’s the run game’s job, assuming the OL is doing theirs.

Besides relieving the signal-caller of certain stress, a good ground attack also helps keep the defense on its toes and guessing. New Orleans got that in 2016 from backfield tandem in Mark Ingram (5.1) and the since departed Tim Hightower (4.1 (SF)). And that’s where All-Day will come into play.

But it’s the defensive side, once a strong suit for the gold & black but now New Orleans’ mountain to conquer, that‘ll need most attention. Key defensive ranks in 2016: #27 in yards allowed per contest; #31 points per. The collapsing Falcons (See; SB51) better join that climbing team, too, or can forget winning, let alone getting back to the Big Game (#25 / 27).

— — —

With the Raiders recent acquisition of game-dormant but very visible running back Marshawn Lynch from the Seahawks for a 2018 draft swap (5R for 6R), there emerges a curious comparison to the Saints own Peterson pick-up.

Lynch sat out all of last season and played < half of 2015. It’s good to workout (ML passed his Oakland test), but that won’t replace game hits and habits. Like Adrian, Marsh is no spring chicken, having turned 31 last week (2007). In AARP years (1 NFL year = 5 AARP), both men would be eligible for benefits & discounts (Caution: Always find & read boilerplate before contracting). Unlike Adrian, Marshawn has a title ring, playing a small but key role in ‘Hawks SB48 win.

Where Peterson gets winning points is in his attitude.

Lynch promotes himself as a free-spirit, some might say a wingnut. That’s cute when times are good but when rough waters hit, it’s the kooks that tend to pout and withdraw inward, a bad character trait in the ups & downs of team sport. In addition, because of his extended absence from the NFL, one has to seriously question Marshawn’s level of commitment to the competition.

With Adrian commitment is never in question. Imbued with great determination, his drive for perfection is pronounced, maybe too much so at times, in himself and with those around him. Big question on Peterson is not whether there is still sufficient ‘gas in the tank’ but will the tires hold out (knees)? Like Lynch, AP has missed nearly two of the last three seasons and turned 32 in March.

Ingram (2011), who joined the 1000 rusher club in 2016, is expected to remain the #1 carrier in Sean Payton – Pete Carmichael’s scoring scheme. If Peterson can contribute 600 on the ground, 200 in the air and impart some of his 10 years of NFL experience to the up n‘ comers, GM Mickey Loomis will be pleased.

The Saints (7-9) were competitive down the stretch in 2016, going 3-3 with only the Detroit loss a poor show. Again, a serious reconfiguration of D-scheme is New Orleans’ key to success in 2017 (See; Atlanta), but a healthy and occasionally electric Adrian could give their offense that added pop to keep defenders, and then the whole Saints sideline, confident in a return to contendership.

Commentators in the Bayou and in the Saints’ circle of strategy are tempering expectations over the arrival of the rehabbed and rather aged Mr. Peterson. But his gangbusters style of run and Hall-of-Fame credentials will no doubt give Saints fans hope that Adrian has another miracle in his pocket, or in his legs, as it were. The man and his mission to make good will likely be in their prayers.

Steven Keys
NFL HunchLine
Photo credit: NFL-wikiproject; A.Peterson, Arvee5.0, 1.28.12, wc.cca; D.Brees-Conways, USMC, E.Kirk-Cuomo, 11.2.9; M.Lynch, wc, 2.5.14, D.Sizer; Mosaic-Saint, Geolina, AachenCathedral, wc, Germany, 2011; J.Otto, Topps, 1970.
Posted: 4.27.17 @ 4:16pm; Copyright © 2017

NFL17: Draft Dogs and Pony Show to Exhibit at Philadelphia Museum of Art

21 Apr

Gotta’ hand it to the curators of the upcoming 2017 NFL Draft, they can spin friggin’ straw into freakin’ gold, holy Rumpelstiltskin!

With a player product possessing of such a high degree of uncertainty as do most college draftees, the Cufflinks have done a splendid job in persuading media conglomerate (Disney / Comcast / NA / Fox / TW) that draft days (4.27 – 29) are “must see TV” and the plethora of fluctuating mockery (pre-draft boards) that precede ‘em are required homework for every fantasy follower.

Within this year’s mildly-anticipated draft will quite possibly be a future Hall-of-Famer, maybe two, likely multiple Pro Bowlers (today about half the NFLPA membership) and anywhere from 30-50% who will roster in the NFL and / or practice squads for on average of 3-5 years.

On the flip side, of the seven (7) rounds of picks, including those of the compensatory selections, about 2/3rds will last for but from 0-2 years in the National (50-70%), never to roster or just in for a cup o’ Gatorade®. Keep in mind that the League does need to replenish its ranks, so, even if that year’s pool is rated luke-warm, if teams are top-heavy in older players, the so-so selectees may get an atypically longer look-see from needy coaches & GMs.

With those numbers, with that state of ephemeralia, it’s nothing short of miraculous the job that NFL Suits & Skirts have done in selling this Traveling Circus of Selection to the buying public.

I use ‘buying public’ generously here, given that 90% of those enthralled with the tedious tally of picks over three days are young males aged 9-22, 20% of those matriculating in sport media. But hey, they’re consumers, too, you know it.

— — —

I’ve listed herein a break-down of all the 1R pick performances from last year’s 2016 draft held in the city with “Big Shoulders,” in total a result I believe that’s pretty typical of most first-year, first-rounders in the League.

A team’s 1st-round pick is certainly not wholly determinative of the success or failure of that year’s draft or its decision-making. The following rounds (2-7 (+C)), assuming every team chooses in most of those later phases, can, on wisdom and a little luck, bolster a clubs roster for years to come, even as the #1 turns pumpkin before its pie-time (bust-a-roo).

But that first pick, even as a 2nd-rounder, is also a very well vetted pick.

And not just combine skills but mental maneuverability as well, in test form and real world record, making Deshaun Watson’s surprise visit to a Tuscaloosa eatery a few weeks back, with no intro, no greet n’ meet before settling-in to start a good vibe, a display of ghastly gall that may’ve banked on the race – rivalry confusion to pull off the play, a factor then in his reliability rating, on field and off.

There is bold & brave, and then there is just plain bad judgment. Rivals worth their weight will often need only the smallest excuse to be generous beyond their legal duty. I guess small is still humungous for the gargantuan ego.

But in truth, most of the time and hope that a search committee invests will ride on that first selection. When it doesn’t pan out or provides less-than-expected benefit, it puts just that much more pressure on the following picks, where the pool of talent dilutes accordingly with each passing round, to pan in. And of course, draft outcomes will play to some degree on the tenor of talks come contract time with established veterans

That doesn’t mean that positively peachy picks can’t be had on the back branches. They certainly can as the Dallas Cowboys (Dak Prescott 4R(C) -MVP candidate), Chicago Bears (Jordan Howard 5R) and Kansas City Chiefs proved (Tyreek Hill 5R, 1T-All Pro) with some of the best grabs in the bunch for 2016.

#31: Germain Ifedi, OT, Seattle Seahawks, 13g (13s)*
#30: Vernon Butler, DT, Carolina Panthers, 10g (0s), 1-fr, 1.5s, 5t-8a
#29: Robert Nkemdiche, DT, Arizona Cardinals, DT, 5g (0)
#28: Joshua Garnett, OG, San Francisco 49ers, 15g (11), 3fr
#27: Kenny Clark, DT, Green Bay Packers, 16g (2), 2-fr, 13t-8a
#26: Paxton Lynch, QB, Denver Broncos, 3g (2), 1-1, 59%, 2t-1i, 6.ypa
#25: Artie Burns, CB, Pittsburgh Steelers, 16g (9), 3i, 13pd, 51t-13a
#24: William Jackson, CB, Cincinnati Bengals, 0g, pre-season injury (pec)
#23: Laquon Treadwell, WR, Minnesota Vikings, 9g (1), 1r, punt team
#22: Josh Doctson, WR, Washington Redskins, 2g (0), 2r, not “healthy (?)”
#21: Will Fuller, WR, Houston Texans, 14g (13), 47r, 635y, 2td
#20: Darron Lee, LB, New York Jets, 13g (9), 42t-28a
#19: Shaq Lawson, DE, Buffalo Bills, 10g (1), 7t-6a
#18: Ryan Kelly, C, Indianapolis Colts, 16g (16), “one of good pieces (GM)”
#17: Keanu Neal, S, Atlanta Falcons, 14g (14), 72t-33a, 5pd, 5ff
#16: Taylor Decker, OT, Detroit Lions, 16g (16)
#15: Corey Coleman, WR, Cleveland Browns, 10g (10), 33r, 413y, 3td
#14: Karl Joseph, S, Oakland Raiders, 12g (9), 44t-16a, 1i, 1ff
#13: Laremy Tunsil, OT, Miami Dolphins, 14g (14)
#12: Sheldon Rankins, DT, New Orleans Saints, 9g (0), 4sk, 15t-5a
#11: Vern Hargreaves, CB, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 16 (16), 10pd, 68t-8a
#10: Eli Apple, CB, New York Giants, 14g (11), 7pd, 41t-8a, 1i-1ff-2fr
#9: Leonard Floyd, LB, Chicago Bears, 12g (12), 7sk, 23t-10a (W11 neck-C))
#8: Jack Conklin, OT, Tennessee Titans, 16g (16), AP.1T – All-Pro
#7: DeForest Buckner, DE, San Francisco 49ers, 15g (15), 6sk, 2fr, 43t-30a
#6: Ronnie Stanley, OT, Baltimore Ravens, 12g (12), AFCN – ROY
#5: Jalen Ramsey, CB, Jacksonville Jaguars, 16 (16), 2i, 14pd, 55t-10a
#4: Ezekiel Elliott, RB, Dallas, 15g (15), 1631y, 15td, 32r – 363y, 1T-All Pro
#3: Joey Bosa, DE, Los Angeles Chargers, 12 (11), 10.5sk, 29t-12a
#2: Carson Wentz, QB, Philadelphia Eagles, 16g (16), 62%, 7-9, 16t-14i
#1: Jared Goff, QB, Los Angeles Rams, 7g (7), 55%, 0-7, 5t-7i, 5+ypa
* Patriots forfeited 29th 1R pick per Deflategate penalty to reduce total to 31

There were 1st round dandies (12) in Draft 2016, impact possibilities (12) and wish-we-had-it-overs (7). Any wash-outs are still pending.

It’s not exactly an exhaustive analysis but then who wants to fall asleep at the screen (See; sabrmetrics)? Likewise, it’s not exactly hard to demonstrate just how over-sold is the NFL draft every year, at least as family entertainment.

In the League’s defense, they target their market (See; above) and probably reach it to some degree of satisfaction, keeping the boys busy for a few days and host city restaurants hopping with happy customers.

Nearly every NFL fan will take a gander at their team’s #1 selection, and then the tally of names / positions / college affiliations of the rest when it’s all done by Sunday AM. Fans of football won’t invest too much mental energy but will instead put the lion’s share of their trust in their team’s calculations of particular needs and then to pick accordingly, even if that‘s the next best player available.

There is good art, there is bad art, and then there is NFL Draft 2017 jammin’ up the parking lots and lavatories with their performance art and all the drama “of a bladder (Twain on viewing Shakespeare bust in Straftford-upon-Avon).”

Steven Keys
NFL HunchLine
Photo credit: NFL-wikiproject, Ixnay-Beao; R.Goodell-L.Boyd-M.Green, NFL.Draft, NYC, 4.26.12, R.Clinton; E.Elliott, wc, 11.9.14, WOSNsports; D.Watson, wc, 1.10.16, AtlantaFalcons; JimMarshall, Topps, 1970
Posted: 4.21.17 @ 1:07pm; Copyright © 2017
Sources: Wikipedia (draft) & pro-football-reference (#s)

Bonnie and Clyde Ambushed Again, No Badges or Bullets But Bad Manners at Academy Gala

17 Mar

If you think the 89th Academy Awards snafu, Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway being handed Best Actress envelope by staffers to announce and present the Best Picture award at the recent gala, was an accident as purported, I’m gonna’ guess there’s a good chance you’re comfortable too with the following conjectures:

1) Lee Harvey Oswald, double-agent with “Maggies drawers” and friend of clandestines Clay Shaw, David Ferrie, bag-man Jack Ruby and the FBI, fired off five shots in 3.5 seconds with one of the worst bolt-action rifles in history, ordered in the mail, aimed through a live oak in November from the Texas School Book Depository to assassinate President Kennedy;

2) A man named Shakspeare (no ‘e’ after ‘k’ spelled 3 ways), son of a Stratford-on-Avon glove-maker, with no public library or apparent capers to fortify his inspiration with the relevant nomenclature (“slang”) filling the voluminous literary product, wrote what most consider to be the greatest compilation of works in this planet’s history and yet by will devised a mere bowl and a sword but made no mention of the manuscripts likely most dear to its author’s heart;

3) Scientists, farmers, fire-fighters, polar ice-cap watchers, coastal residents and other folks in weather-affected livelihoods from around the world are blowing smoke when they red-flag a global-warming they’ve seen first-hand for years;

So how’d you do? Still a believer?

Innocent mishaps do happen but not in the Academy presentation they don’t, not with the Big presentation. In Jackson Pollock speak, “I deny the accident.” Why Mr. Beatty, who later expressed an awareness upon opening the envelope that he’d been handed the wrong card but proceeded to hand it to Dunaway without whisper of explanation is a curious bumble on his part. Age (b. 3.30.37 (79))?

Recently deceased movie expert and much beloved Robert Osborne (TCM) could attest to the fact that there have been errors committed in the AA’s long history, as when Sammy Davis Jr. was handed a wrong card on a music awarding in 1964. But none so serious in this most climactic of moments when the Best Picture Oscar® is announced and the statuette handed to the winner. It’s the high-point of the celebration and the biggest trophy in the bunch.

It’s a well vetted process that for near ninety years going back to the silents has prided itself on a meticulous production to avoid just that dreaded appearance of ineptitude, confusion and takesie backsies we saw in February, not to mention a loss of trust. I will not believe that that standard is not, for most, still in place.

But what’s the motive for one or more, and it’d likely be more (Where’s the fun doing it alone (ugh)?), to recklessly or intentionally throw a monkey-wrench into the works? Jealousy, childish, simple-minded jealousy may‘ve been the culprit.

And what does one do with cold envy? If you’re a snake, you don’t bury it, you find expression for it in skullduggery (See; Hamlet) by making two titans of the industry in Faye and Warren look bad. That they’re old, comparatively speaking, would make the theoretical dirty deed all that more satisfying to the doer(s) who, post-play, would smirk like the Grinch after his Whoville haul-away. Tee-hee.

Today, resentment for anything that is well established, be it a person’s advanced age and concomitant accomplishments, or time-tested traditions, even those that work, especially those that work, is at its apex.

It’s an arrogant mindset that has corporate backing: Out with the old, in with the new, change, change, change, unless of course it’s a helpful myth (See; Above). Don’t eat your young, heavens no, eat your Grandparents, instead. And that, even as everyone’s parade is headed to seniorhood, whether they get there or not.

‘How could they have done it, set them up, it’s so cold, so…dishonest?’ Yup.

I’d imagine it could’ve been accomplished quite easily by any number of people in the Academy or PricewaterhouseCoopers (PwC) chain-of-custody, made easier by the fact that organizers, while always guarding against flaws in the production through miscommunication and lethargy, were oblivious to even the possibility of one or more of their people intentionally gumming up the works.

Organizers wouldn’t have seen it coming this time but they’ll be on alert now with stepped-up monitoring in preparation and handling of announcement-cards.

Dishonesty and devious minds, they’re as old as Neanderthal short-changing Cro-Magnon in the first trade, ‘club for clams (‘Don’t give him all those, look at his forehead for crying out loud!’).’ But when too many of our leaders and celebrities seem to care not in the least what example they set, corruption grows rampant.

It’s not hard to find a story on corruption or greed today, they’re everywhere: Politics (S.Korea), schools (cheating), business (Volkswagen), media (fake news), the Marines (nude photos).

Sport is my usual theme and there the bad news is almost a daily line:

Olympian Ryan Lochte fabricates a false robbery report to Brazilian police and receives less than a year (10m) suspension from competitive swimming;

Ongoing PED use spans across the sport spectacle. It’s buoyed by enablers and apologists like HOF-voters who, where former baseball star Iván Rodríguez is concerned, enshrined the 13-time gold glove winning catcher in 2017, his first year of eligibility, even as the Puerto Rico native was named in former Texas Rangers’ teammate Jose Canseco’s watershed book, Juiced (05), as a user of performance enhancers with Jose claiming to’ve personally injected Iván (See also PED debate; Olympic swimmers Milorad Cavic v. Michael Phelps);

Michael Sam using an announcement on his sexual orientation as a means to draw attention and maybe preference for the approaching NFL draft;

Notre Dame Heisman hopeful, LB Manti Te’o concocts a story of a non-existent girlfriend who is, of all things, dying from cancer and today rosters in the NFL;

Maybe not NBA players so much as the draft-dingy junior media who encourage the prospect of tanking, and receive monetary compensation to write as much;

— — —

We had streakers in my youth (♫ The Streak (‘74) ♫). Call is spontaneous, kooky, a bit shocking but all in good fun. Today, those nudists have grandkids who take part in flash mobs to try to intimidate and frighten.

Don’t expect more shenanigans at the Academy Awards in the near future. Nobody wants pandemonium. Strike that, MOST don’t want pandemonium.

But if I’m over fifty-five and work in the movies, I wouldn’t plan on ever attending the big ceremony ever again, not until someone come’s clean or gets called on that red carpet. And then I’m not forgetting how Maureen O’Hara was treated.

And dilly-dally on that issue shouldn’t forestall the decision to find another new host for the 2018 AA and let Jimmy Kimmel focus on his talk show, or better yet, get back to what he’s best at, Crank Yank(ing). At least “Special Ed,” “Birchum” and “Gladys” were all real, god love ‘em.

Steven Keys
Photo credit: Oscar® statuette, wc.cca, 1951, Kon-Tiki, V.Atanassova; W.Beatty, wc, A.Light, 3.26.90; Oscars®, I.Hayes, Enterprise, Shaft, 4.22.72, wc; Oscars®, Bjork-Swan, 2001, Marjan-Pejoski, C.D.Riccio, wc; Oscars®, T.Hanks, 1989, wc, Light; Oscars®, wc, Hopper-Bigelow, 2.28.11, AA83, C.Lazo, Army; D.Taylor, wc, 1967, Bonnie&Clyde, WB-7A
Posted: 3.17.17 @ 1:10pm, edit 11:17; Copyright © 2017

Yore Movie Swells: ‘We..Rob..Banks’ and the Bonniest Lines In Classic Film Dialogue

16 Feb

Even omitting the TCM index and Shakespeare (Ed de Vere) flicks, there are more indelible lines in the remaining 100+ years of movie dialogue than there are lights to carpet a starry night sky. That includes the silent era, their captions and speaking parts in most every language under the Sun.

One clever quip certainly won’t carry a film but where there’s one golden nugget there’s sure to be more. With a top script, a director can make what would normally constitute just so many sharp looking wait-staff and personal trainers (actors) sound like gosh-darn poets.

Great dialogue can be as lengthy as Orson Welles “cuckoo clock” pitch (The Third Man) or as brief as Elizabeth Taylor’s modish “wow” as she peeked in on lonely billiard boy Montgomery Clift (A Place in the Sun).

It can be sung (The Umbrellas of Cherbourg), whistled (“Steve” in To Have and Have Not), set to motion (Davis’ coat drape on Ratloff in All About Eve), read in the wink of an eye (Poitier to cell-mate Wilson In the Heat of the Night), a raise of the eye-brows (Shearer on Lermontov news in The Red Shoes), a nod of the head (Moore’s closing answer to Huston in Out of the Past (47)), a hand gesture (Ferrer’s puppets in Lili) and even delivered in rodent-speak (Perri). Meaning that nearly every action in a film, a good one that is, makes a statement.

shearer-wc-m-feinstein-10-11-54-307k

Some of the quotes listed herein are célébrité (“We’re gonna need a bigger boat (Jaws)”), by itself no warrant for inclusion, others as obscure as this writer’s product. Some are funny, some sentimental, others pointed, viciously vague, suggestive in how far we’ve come or instructive in how far we have to go.

While most movie lines are best appreciated in their context, not subtext (oy vey), like “Tibbs” expert answer In the Heat of the Night (“I believe old Harv is a southpaw, now ain’t he, Shagbag (trooper)? What if he is, what’s that make him (Shagbag)? Innocent (Tibbs)”), most listed herein can stand on their own merit.

With a few exceptions, nearly all of these quotes are in English. That, even as its greatest proponent in the Bard (Shake-a-Spear) is rarely referenced, for if he (or Annie Hall) were, there‘d be no end to this write. What this list is is a smattering of the myriad of verbal gems that’ve been glittering on the silver screen for over a century and harvested in the heart by those viewers who mine for rarity.

This is a listing of memorable movie lines, a smorgasbord of flavorful offerings to sample for the film connoisseur and casual customer alike, not a ranking of the believed greatest dialogue ever delivered.

Selecting your favorites is fine and one can easily separate toppers from routine deliveries. But to claim an ability, a means to rank one line (or title (Citizen Kane (AFI #1 (ugh))) above others because you’ve consulted a cabal of credentialed critics is the highest order of arrogance and a clear sign of a film-lover fake.

So if you like classic flicks (< 2000), glory days for dialogue, and you prefer story over computerized imagery or the contemporary cocktail of gratuitous violence + sex, drink in some of these great lines, all natural flavors, gluten-free, no sugar-added and maybe one of ’em will “make (your) day.” Lights, camera, action!

— — —

-We…rob…banks: Bonnie Parker (Faye Dunaway), Bonnie and Clyde (1967)

-Oh, I don’t know…everybody makes book on something: “Stoker Thompson (Robert Ryan),” The Set-Up (1949)

-Like Steve says, winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing: “Carol Williams (Sherry Jackson),” Trouble Along the Way (1953)

-Sun only shines half the day, Tom (Wayne), the other half is night: “Fen (Coleen Gray),” Red River (1948)

-There are two things better than a good gun, a Swiss watch and a woman from anywhere: “Cherry (John Ireland),” Red River (1948)

-Almost anything coming out of the mouth of Edna May Oliver (1883-1942)

-How would you define ballet, Lady Neston? Well, one might call it the poetry of motion perhaps, or…(Browne). One might, but for me it is a great deal more. For me it is a religion: “Boris Lermontov (Anton Walbrook),” The Red Shoes (1948)

-Why do you want to dance (“Lermontov“)? Why do you want to live?: “Victoria Page (Moira Shearer),” The Red Shoes

-Because dear miss…what was your name (Walbrook)? Victoria Page (Shearer). Yes, Miss Page, because when I come to a party I don’t expect to sit for an audition (Anton). Yes, you are quite right: “Vicky (Shearer),” The Red Shoes

-You cannot alter human nature (Massine). No? I think you can do even better, you can ignore it!: “Lermontov (Walbrook),” The Red Shoes

-You cannot have it both ways (to “Ljubov” & “Page”). A dancer who relies upon the doubtful comforts of human love can never be a great dancer. Never!: “Boris Lermontov (Walbrook),” The Red Shoes

-I want you to dance tonite with the same ecstasy I’ve seen in you only once before. At the Mercury Theatre (Vicky). Yes, in the Mercury Theater in London, on a wet, Saturday afternoon: “Lermontov (Walbrook) (Boris now in love)”

-What the devil have you (Craster) got to be worried about? It’s a fine score, a magnificent score! I only wish I had…go on! Former lead composer and conductor “Livingston ‘Livy’ Montague (Esmond Knight),” The Red Shoes

-Vicky, Vicky, dance to whatever tempo you like. I’ll follow you! New composer and conductor “Julian Craster (Marius Goring),” The Red Shoes

-Would he (“Craster”) give it up if you asked him (Walbrook)? I don’t know (Shearer). You do know! I wouldn’t ask him. Then why is he asking you?! Does he KNOW what he’s asking?: “Lermontov (Walbrook),” The Red Shoes (the crux)

-Nobody else has ever danced the Red Shoes since you left. Nobody else ever shall. Put on the red shoes, Vicky (now entranced), and dance for us again!: “Lermontov (Walbrook),” The Red Shoes

-If I could be anyone, a child who could be brave from the beginning: “Roslyn (Marilyn Monroe),” The Misfits (1961)

-It all blows-up in your face sometimes, doesn’t it?: “Joyce Harwood (Veronica Lake);” The Blue Dahlia (1946)

-I got a new suit (Brian Donlevy). It looks like the suit got you: “The Boss (Akim Tamiroff),” The Great McGinty (1940 (loud suit))

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-You know this fish, he don’t go to school, he don’t know French but he pretty smart, too: “Manuel (Spencer Tracy),” Captains Courageous (1937)

-You (Freddie Bartholomew) show is a tonic to yoself: “Doc” the cook (Sam McDaniel),” Captains Courageous

-He (Douglas) will hug you to pieces then take those pieces home with him: “Manuel (Tracy),” Captains Courageous

-Fiddle dee-dee. War, war, war, this war talk’s spoiling the fun at every party this spring! “Scarlett O’Hara (Vivian Leigh),” Gone With the Wind (1939)

-Whistle (Gable). Gasp (Leigh). Has the war started?: “Rhett Butler (Clark Gable) (meets “Scarlett” for the first time),” Gone With the Wind

-All we’ve got is cotton, slaves and…arrogance: “Butler,” Gone With the Wind

-Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn: “Butler (Gable) (says goodbye to his “Scarlett“),” Gone With the Wind

-But tomorrow…is another day!: “Scarlett (Leigh),” Gone With the Wind

-A tribe’s greatness is figured by how mighty its enemies be: “Del Gue (Stefan Gierasch),” Jeremiah Johnson (1972)

-Is it possible that something is holy to the celebrated agnostic (March)? Yes, the individual human mind in a child’s power to master a multiplication table, there is more sanctity than in all your shouted ‘amens,’ ‘holy holies’ and ‘hosannas!’ An idea is a greater monument than a cathedral and the advance of knowledge is a greater miracle than all the sticks turned to snakes or the parting of the waters: “Col. Henry Drummond (Spencer Tracy),” Inherit the Wind (1960).

-Progress has never been a bargain, you have to pay for it. Sometimes I think there’s a man who sits behind a counter and says, ‘all right, you can have a telephone but you lose privacy and the charm of distance. Madam, you may vote, but at a price. You lose the right to retreat behind the powder puff or your petticoat. Mister, you may conquer the air but the birds will lose their wonder and the clouds will smell of gasoline’: “Col. Henry Drummond (Tracy)

-All you have to do is knock on any door and say, ‘If you let me in I’ll live the way you want me to live and I’ll think the way you want me to think and all the blinds will go up and all the doors will open and you’ll never be lonely ever again. If that‘s the case I‘ll change the plea, this is if you know the law‘s right and you’re wrong: “Col Drummond (Tracy),” Inherit the Wind

-Mr. Brady, why do you deny the one faculty of man that raises him above the other creatures of the earth, the power of his brain to reason? What other merit have we? The elephant is larger, the horse swifter and stronger, the butterfly is far more beautiful, the mosquito is more prolific, even the simple sponge is more durable: “Col. Henry Drummond (Tracy),” Inherit the Wind

-The bible is a book. It’s a good book but it is not the only book: “Col. Henry Drummond (Tracy),” Inherit the Wind

-Youth can be so pure, what do you know of good or evil? What do you know of the sum of a man’s life? He betrayed me (Anderson)! You betrayed yourself! You see my husband as a saint, and so he must be right in everything he says and does, and then you see him as a devil and everything he does must be wrong. Well, my husband’s neither a saint nor a devil, he’s just a human being and he makes mistakes. How can you defend him? it’s not he I’m defending but the 40 years I’ve lived with this man and watched him carry the burdens of people like you. If he’s been wrong at least he stood for something. What do you stand for? Do you believe in Bertram Cates (York)? I believe in my husband. What do you believe in?: “Mrs. Sara Brady (Florence Eldridge),” Inherit the Wind

-What touches you (Kelly), what warms you? Every man has a dream. What do you dream about? What, what do you need? You don’t need anything, do you, people, love, an idea just to cling to? You poor slob. You’re all alone. When you go to your grave, there won’t be anybody to pull the grass up over your head, nobody to mourn you, nobody to give a damn. You’re all alone (Tracy). You’re wrong, Henry. You’ll be there. You’re the type. Who else would defend my right to be lonely?: “E.K. Hornbeck (Gene Kelly),” Inherit the Wind

-Nobody lives forever: “Nick (John Garfield),” Nobody Live Forever (1946)

-Spill it punk or I’ll splash your brains out!: “Mickey,” 99 River Street (1953)

-Who are you (Wood (POY)))? I’m next: “Tyrone ‘Mr. Clean’ Miller (Laurence Fishburne),” Apocalypse Now (1979)

-You can lick me if you want and I’ll still love you: “Betsy Bartlett McMasters (Claudette Colbert),” Boom Town (1940) (context)

-You know what the fellow said – in Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had five hundred years of democracy and peace and what did that produce, the cuckoo clock: “Harry Lime (Orson Welles),” The Third Man (1949)

-Course, a situation like that (black market) does tend to amateurs but…but, well, they (floaters) can’t stay the course: Carol Reed (narrator), The Third Man

-Be sensible, Martins (Howard). I don’t have a sensible name, Calloway: “Holly Martins (Joseph Cotton), The Third Man

-Dancing means everything to me!: “Judy (O’Hara),” Dance, Girl, Dance (1940)

-Pardon, how do I wire congratulations to the Pacific Ocean?: “Matt Libby (Lionel Stander),” A Star is Born (1937) (context)

-In Italian there is a no word for this ‘crooner (“de Vinci (Adolphe Menjou)“). That’s okay, Professor, there’s no word in English for spaghetti: “Dick Purcell (Dick Powell),” Broadway Gondolier (1935)

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-I was married twice before – once at 16, once at 21. One was a crybaby and the other was a caveman. Between the two of them I said goodbye to girlhood: “Helen Wright (Joan Crawford),” Humoresque (1946)

-Here’s to love: “Helen Wright (Joan Crawford),” Humoresque

-The earth is my body, my head is in the stars!: “Maude Chardin (Ruth Gordon),” Harold and Maude (1971)

-Oh, I don’t drink (“Harold (Bud Cort)”). It’s okay, it’s organic: “Maude (Gordon),” Harold and Maude

-It’s best not to be too moral, you cheat yourself out of too much life: “Maude (Gordon),” Harold and Maude

-I made you breakfast…scrambie eggs: “Chip (Jim Carrey),” The Cable Guy

-You mean Heather is a prostitute (“Steve”)? Of course she is, you think a girl like that’d hang out with us if she wasn’t? “Chip (Carrey),” The Cable Guy (1996)

-I always had a hard time realizing how important we are: “George Hasting (Russell Hicks),“ The Big Store (1941)

-Course, I’ll have to notify the police (Gerstle). This is a case for homicide. Homicide (O‘Brien)!? “I don’t think you fully understand, Bigelow, you’ve been murdered: “Dr. MacDonald (Frank Gerstle),” D.O.A (1950)

-I knew there was something wrong with that guy. Never met a gin-drinker yet that you could trust: “Parnell (Arthur O’Connell),” Anatomy of a Murder (1959)

-It’s up to you: Jim Garrison (Kevin Costner)), JFK (1991) (context)

-It was a violation of the most basic protection codes and the best indication of a massive plot (to kill JFK) in Dallas: “Mister X (Donald Sutherland),” JFK (1990)

-I’ll show you how a Prussian officer can fight (Schell). And I’ll show you how the Iron Crosses grow: “Sgt. Rolf Steiner (James Coburn),” Cross of Iron (1977)

-Why don’t you buzz off on your broomstick!: “Maxine (Ava Gardner),” The Night of the Iguana (1964)

-Her eyes said ‘NO’ in big, blue capital letters: “Miss Hannah Jelkes (Deborah Kerr),” The Night of the Iguana

-All women, whether they want to face it or not, want to see a man in a tied-up situation. They spend their entire lives trying to get a man in a tied-up situation. Their lives are fulfilled when they an get a man or as many men as they can into a tied-up situation!: “Shannon (Richard Burton), The Night of the Iguana

-I respect anyone who’s had to fight and howl for their decency (Kerr). What do you respect in me, Miss Thin, Standing-Up, female Buddha (Burton)!? Far more than I respect those ones who had theirs handed out to them at birth and never afterwards snatched away from them by unbearable torments: “Jelkes (Deborah Kerr), The Night of the Iguana

-And what is my problem, Miss Jeltz (Burton)? The oldest one in the world, the need to believe in someone or something, almost anyone or anything: “Jelkes (Kerr),” The Night of the Iguana

-I don’t regard a home as a place, a building, bricks, wood, stone. I think of a home a something two people have between them in which each can nest, rest, live in, emotionally speaking: “Jelkes (Kerr),” The Night of the Iguana

-I’m not a bird, Mr. Shannon. I’m a human being and when one of that unique species builds a nest in the heart of another, the questions of permanence or propagation are not the first or even the last things to be considered: “Jelkes (Kerr),” The Night of the Iguana

-There are worse things that chastity, Mr. Shannon (Kerr). Yes, lunacy and death: “Shannon (Burton),” The Night of the Iguana

-Nothing human disgusts me, Mr. Shannon, unless it is unkind or violent: “Jelkes (Kerr),” The Night of the Iguana

-How did you, how did you beat this blue devil of yours (Burton)? I showed him I could endure him and make him respect my endurance: Endurance is something spooks and blue devils respect. And they respect all the tricks panicky people use to outsmart and outlast the panic (Kerr). Like taking deep breaths (Burton)? Or rum cocoas: “Miss Jelkes (Kerr),” The Night of the Iguana

-Why don’t we go down to the beach (Gardner)? I can a…I can get down hill, Maxine, but I’m not too sure about getting back up (Burton). I’ll get you back up, Baby. I’ll always get you back up: “Maxine (Gardner),” The Night of the Iguana

-He wishes: “Charlotte Vale (Bette Davis”), Now, Voyager (1942)

-If we both try hard to protect that little strip of territory that is ours: “Charlotte (Bette Davis),” Now, Voyager

-Oh Jerry, don’t let’s ask for the moon. We have the stars: “Charlotte (Bette Davis),” Now, Voyager (context)

-(On plane, “Jack” shows his altered FBI badge now with his picture to 9 (?) boy seated aside): It looks fine…to me: Scott McAfee, Midnight Run (1987)

-You two are dumbest bounty hunters in history…you couldn’t deliver a bottle of milk!: “Jon Mardukas (Charles Grodin),” Midnight Run

-Did you ever have sex with an animal, Jack? Remember those chickens around the Indian Reservation, there were some good-looking chickens around there, Jack, you know, between us (Grodin). Yeah, there were a couple there I mighta’ taken a shot at (laughter): “Jack Walsh (Robert De Niro),” Midnight Run

-I don’t think she’s coming back (Grodin). Yeah, I don’t either, I don’t either (De Niro). Sometimes you just have to let go, just get yourself a new watch: “Jon (Grodin),” Midnight Run (context)

-What do you think you are, for Christ-sake, crazy or something? We’ll you’re not, no crazier than the average asshole out walking the street: R.P. McMurphy (Jack Nicholson),” One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)

-Koufax’ curveball is snapping off like a fucking fire-cracker: “McMurphy (Jack Nicholson),” One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

-Somebody give me a wiener before I die!: “Randall P. McMurphy (Jack Nicholson),” One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

-Mr. Scanlon (Fletcher)? I want to know why the dorm is locked in the daytime and the weekends: “Scanlon (Delos Smith),” One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

-A man like him (“Jim McKay“)…is very rare: “Ramon (Alfonso Bedoya),” The Big Country (1958) (context)

-All I can say McKay is you take a hell of a long time to say goodbye: “Steve Leach (Charlton Heston),” The Big Country (moonlight fistfight)

-Greenhorns have to get knocked around a little: “Jim McKay (Gregory Peck),” The Big Country (1958)

-Obviously Mr. McKay is man who is afraid of only one thing, that people may suspect him of showing off: “Julie Maragon (Jean Simmons),” The Big Country

-You want me, Pop (Connors)? Before you was born, I did: “Rufus Hannassey (Burl Ives),” The Big Country

-I’m not responsible for what people think, only for what I am: “Jim McKay (Gregory Peck),” The Big Country

-How do you like Blanco Canyon, huh (Ramón)? It’s a hell of place for sailor: “Jim McKay (Gregory Peck),” The Big Country

-Some people you can’t insult at all, others get upset over the littlest thing: “Pat Terrell (Carroll Baker),” The Big Country

-An amazingly good actor met an amazingly receptive audience: Napoleon Bonaparte (Claude Rains), Hearts Divided (1936)

-Almost anything that came out of the mouth of Ned Sparks (1883-1957)

-And how is your cousin, Edmond de Boeldieu, who was Military Attaché in Berlin (von Stronheim)? He is well and happy. He lost an arm and married a very rich wife (Fresnay). A fine career: “Captain von Rauffenstein (Erich von Stronheim),” The Grand Illusion (1937)

-I ain’t spittin’ on my whole life: “Monte (Lee Marvin),” Monte Walsh (1970 (turning down job as a Western dude))

-I want to make love to you until you scream (Morris). Can’t scream!: “Jerry Martin (Norma Shearer),” The Divorcee (1930)

-She’s a grifter, just like her brother. Probably had grifter parents and grifter grandparents and someday they’re each gonna’ spawn little grifter kids: “Tom (Gabriel Byrne),” Miller’s Crossing (1990)

-Nobody knows anybody, not that well: “Tom (Byrne),” Miller’s Crossing

-Old man’s still an artist with the Thompson: “Terry (L.Flaherty),” Miller’s

-If you can’t trust a fix, what can you trust?: “Caspar (J.Polito),” Miller’s

-You used to be big (Holden). I am big, it’s the pictures that got small: “Norma Desmond (Gloria Swanson),” Sunset Boulevard (1950)

-There were children in those days (Revolution) who lived off human flesh: “Lt. Gen. Yevgraf Andreyevich Zhivago (Alec Guinness),” Doctor Zhivago (1965)

-Don’t you want to believe it (Guinness)? Not if it isn’t true!: “Tonya Komarova (Rita Tushingham),” Doctor Zhivago

-A nameless number (Christie) on a list that was later mislaid: Lt. Gen. Yevgraf Andreyevich Zhivago (Alec Guinness),” Doctor Zhivago

-You only had one glass (Cowan)? But you kept filling it up: “Jeffrey Baird (Edward Everett Horton),” Shall We Dance (1937)

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-I want to change their minds, not kill them for having the same weaknesses we all possess: Mohandas Gandhi (Ben Kingsley), Gandhi (1982)

-It’s the story of my life, I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop: “Sugar (Marilyn Monroe), Some Like It Hot (1959)

-You don’t’ understand Osgood, I’m a man (Lemmon)! We’ll, nobody’s perfect: “Osgood Fielding III (Joe E. Brown),” Some Like It Hot

-I’m getting a cramp in the most peculiar place: “Francesca Cunningham (Ann Todd),” The Seventh Veil (1945)

-Life is short, art long, decision difficult and experiment perilous: “Bederaux (Paul Lukas),” Experiment Perilous (1944)

-So help me, he (Jordan Benedict IV) looks like a little wet-back: “Bick Benedict (Rock Hudson),” Giant (1956)

-Never trust a nigger (Hackman). He could’ve been white (Scheider). Never trust anyone!: “Popeye Doyle (Gene Hackman),” The French Connection (1971)

-Take your last look at free-side, kid: Inmate (Gail Bonney?), Caged (1950)

-For that forty bucks I heisted, I certainly got myself an education: “Marie Allen (Eleanor Parker),” Caged (1950)

-Can’t beat aces: “Nick (Humphrey Bogart),” The Wagons Roll at Night (1941)

-La-dee-da, la-dee-da: “Annie Hall (Diane Keaton),” Annie Hall (1977)

-The only word for this is transplendent: “Pam (Shelley Duvall),” Annie Hall

-You know how to whistle, don’t you Steve? You just put your lips together and, blow: “Slim (Lauren Bacall),” To Have and Have Not (1944)

-He didn’t invent it (Bogart). Invent what (Moran)? Being afraid: “Harry ‘Steve’ Morgan (Humphrey Bogart),” To Have and Have Not

-What manner of man is it I’ve married (O‘Hara)!? A better one than I think you know, Mary Kate: “Hugh Forbes (Charles Fitzsimmons),“ The Quiet Man (1952)

-There’ll be no bolts or locks between us Mary Kate, except those in your little mercenary heart: “Sean Thornton (John Wayne),” The Quiet Man

-As only an American would think of emerald green! “Elizabeth Playfair (Eileen Crowe),” The Quiet Man (Sean’s new cottage)

-By the way, don’t underestimate Danaher, he’s got a tremendous right and jaw of granite: “Rev. Cyril Playfair (Arthur Shields),” The Quiet Man (persuading)

-Will you join me in a glass of…no…you’ll be in training now, of course: “Playfair (Shields),” The Quiet Man (converted)

-No, no, you just said you loved her. There’s some difference between lovin’ and likin.’ When I married Jennie’s mother, I-I didn’t love her, I liked her, I liked her alot. I liked Martha for at least three years after we were married and then one day it just dawned on me I loved her. I still do…still do. You see, Sam, when you love a woman without likin’ her, the night can be long and cold, and contempt comes up with the sun: “Charlie Anderson (Jim Stewart),” Shenandoah (1965)

-(Test bout) I won’t hurt you…I don’t think I’ll even hit you: “Harry Watson (Rhys Williams),” Gentleman Jim (1942 (test)

-Being a good loser is hard but being a good winner is even harder: John L. Sullivan (Ward Bond, handing first belt dated 7.4.1887 to new champion, James J. Corbett), Gentleman Jim (1942)

-Right or wrong, the brand sticks: “Shane (Alan Ladd),” Shane (1953)

-Shane, there’s too many!: “Joey (Brandon deWilde),” Shane (1953)

-♫ Some enchanted evening, you will see a strangeeeeeer ♫: “Nobody Falfa (Harrison Ford),” American Graffiti (1973)

-Rome wudn’t burnt in a day: “Joe (Bo Hopkins),” American Graffiti (1973)

-Why don’t you kiss my sister’s black cat’s ass: “Clarence ‘Crazy’ Lee (Bo Hopkins),” The Wild Bunch (1968)

-Wunden mein herz mit einer monotonen mattigkeit (Wounds my heart with a monotonous languor): German officer, The Longest Day (1962)

-You see, Mr. Gittes (Jack Nicholson), most people never have to face the fact that at the right time and the right place they’re capable of anything: “Noah Cross (John Huston),” Chinatown (1974).

-Course I’m respectable. I’m old. Politicians, ugly buildings and whores all get respectable if they last long enough: “Noah Cross (Huston), Chinatown (1974)

-I hope you don’t mind. I believe they should be served with the head (“Cross (John Huston)”). Fine, just as long as you don’t serve chicken that way: “Jake Gittes (Jack Nicholson),” Chinatown

-Almost anything that came out of the mouth of Thelma Ritter (1902-69)

-That must be your friend over there. They didn’t leave much of him (Evans). Must have taken out his heart, eh?: “Bubba (Geoff Parry),” Mad Max (1979)

-When it’s time to shoot, shoot, don’t talk: “Tuco (Eli Wallach),” The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966)

-There are two kinds of people in this world, Tuco, those with loaded guns and those who dig. You dig: “Blondie (Eastwood),” The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

-You’re (Eastwood) the son of a 1000 fathers, all of them bastards, too!: “Tuco (Wallach),” The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

-How’s that calf ever gonna’ dry off if she keeps licking her?: “Arnold (Butch Jenkins),” Our Vines Have Tender Grapes (1945)

-I’m five (Jenkins). Oh!: “Viola Johnson (Frances Gifford),” Our Vines Have Tender Grapes (1945, most adorable ‘Oh’ in movie history)

-You’re capable of such beautiful dreams and horrible nightmares: Vegan as dad of “Ellie Arroway (David Morse),” Contact (1997)

-In the few hours we had together we loved a lifetime’s worth: “Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton),” The Terminator (1984)

-I’ll be back: “T-800 Model 101 cybernetic android (Arnold Schwarzenegger),” Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991 (in friendship v, 1984 bad guy))

-There is no fate but what we make: the younger “John Connor (Ed Furlong),” Terminator 2: Judgment Day

-Phoebe, I call myself Phoebe (Bates)! And so you should: “Addison DeWitt (George Sanders),” All About Eve (1950) (sarcasm)

-It’s time the piano learned it didn’t write the concerto!: “Lloyd Richards (Hugh Marlowe),” All About Eve

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-Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy nite!: “Margo Channing (Bette Davis),” All About Eve

-Some folks say things never die, they just go on livin’ in a different way: “Will (Dan) (George Montgomery),” Gun Duel In Durango (1957)

-♫ Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies, farewell and adieu to you ladies of Spain ♫: “Quint (Robert Shaw), Jaws (1975)

-Here lies the body of Mary Lee, died at the age of a hundred and three, for 15 yrs she kept her virginity, not a bad record in this vicinity: “Quint (Shaw), Jaws

-Know the thing about a shark he’s got…lifeless eyes, black eyes like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya,‘ doesn’t seem to be livin,’ until he bites ya,’ and those black eyes roll over white and then…aw then you hear that terrible high pitched screamin,’ the ocean turns red in spite of all the poundin’ and hollerin’ and they all come in and they…rip ya’ to pieces: “Quint (Shaw), Jaws

-I used to be afraid of the water (“Brody”). I can’t imagine why: “Hooper,” Jaws

-Do you think this was all the work of little Don Segretti? “Deep Throat (Hal Holbrook),” All The President’s Men (1976)

-I screwed up (revealing LBJ plan to replace FBI’s J. Edgar Hoover), but I wasn’t wrong: Bradlee (Jason Robards), All the President’s Men

-I have a wife, family, dog and a cat!: Clawson voice, All The President’s Men

-You know the results of the latest Gallup Poll? Half the country never even heard of the word Watergate. Nobody gives a shit. You guys are probably pretty tired, right? Well, you should be. Go on home, get a nice hot bath, rest up, 15 minutes. Then get your asses back in gear. We’re under a lot of pressure, you know, and you put us there. Nothing’s riding on this except the, uh, first amendment to the Constitution, freedom of the press, and maybe the future of the country. Not that any of that matters, but if you guys fuck up again, I’m going to get mad: Ben Bradlee (Jason Robards), All the President’s Men

-Death ends a life, but it doesn’t end the relationship which struggles on in the survivors mind towards some resolution which it may never find: “Gene Garrison (Gene Hackman),” I Never Sang to My Father (1970)

-For over a thousand years Roman conquerors returning from the wars enjoyed the honor of a tumultuous parade. In the procession came trumpeters, musicians and strange animals from conquered territories, together with carts laden with treasure and captured armaments. The conquerors rode in a triumphal chariot, the dazed prisoners walking in chains before him. Sometimes his children robed in white stood with him in the chariot or rode the trace horses. A slave stood behind the conqueror holding a golden crown and whispering a warning that all glory is fleeting: General George S. Patton (George C. Scott), Patton (1970)

-I have alot of faults, Brad, but ingratitude isn’t one of ‘em. I owe you alot. Hell, I know I’m a prima donna. I admit it. What I can’t stand about Monty is, he won’t admit it: General Patton (Scott), Patton

-Who said anything about Palermo (Gen.Patton)? I can read a map! General Omar Bradley (Karl Malden), Patton

-What son of bitch (Bradley) is in charge of this operation (G.I.)!? I don’t know but they aughta’ hang him: Omar Bradley (Malden), Patton

-Gen. Alexander says you are not to take Palermo (staffer). Ask him if he wants me to give it back: George Patton (Scott), Patton

-You’re right, Dick, the world grew up. Hell of a shame…god how I hate the 20th century: George Patton (Scott), Patton

-You (Guinness)? Youuuuuuu: “Commander Shears (William Holden),” The Bridge On the River Kwai (1957)

-Go Bears!: Hooker #2 (Melissa Peterman), Fargo (1996) (context)

-Thanks a bunch!: “Chief Marge Gunderson (Frances McDormand),” Fargo

-Being crazy about a woman (Burnstyn) like her was always the right thing to do: “Sam the Lion (Ben Johnson),” The Last Picture Show (1971)

-Her and her husband was…young and miserable with one another like so many young married folks are: “Sam (Johnson),” The Last Picture Show

-Sonny, your food’s gettin’ cold: “Sam (Ben),” The Last Picture Show (mercy)

-We play the game, fate controls the cards: “Grandpere (A.Hale),” Algiers (38)

-Who ever heard of starting a war in December!: “Violet Price (Spring Byington),” The Enchanted Cottage (1945)

-Get up, Spartacus, you Thracian dog! Roman legion (?), Spartacus (1960)

-You might even be intelligent..dangerous for a slave: “Marcellus,” Spartacus

-Most Romans love her (the City) as their mother but Crassus (Olivier) dreams of marrying the old girl: “Gracchus (Charles Laughton),” Spartacus

-It would take a great woman to get Crassus to fall out of love with himself: “Gracchus (Laughton), Spartacus

-When a free man dies he loses the pleasure of life. A slave loses his pain. Death is the only freedom a slave knows. That’s why he’s not afraid of it: Spartacus (Kirk Douglas),” Spartacus

-You’ve already been made a fool (Dall), let’s not add the trappings of a clown: Crassus (Laurence Olivier), Spartacus

-I am Spartacus!: “Antoninus et al (Tony Curtis et al),” Spartacus

-Let us drink to a new world of gods and monsters!: “Dr. Pretorius (Ernest Thesiger),” Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

-Almost anything that came out of the mouth of Hattie McDaniel (1895-52)

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-It was a glorious time. The wise guys were all over the place. It was before Appalachia: “Henry Hill (Ray Liotta), Good Fellas

-Now go home and get your fuckin’ shine-box (to “Tommy”)!: “Billy Batts (Frank Vincent),” Good Fellas (1990)

-I’m funny how, I mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you, I make you laugh, I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how, how am I funny?: “Tommy (Joe Pesci),” Good Fellas

-If there is any doubt, there is no doubt: “Sam (Robert De Niro),” Ronin (1998)

-What we have here is…a failure…to communicate: “Captain (Strother Martin),” Cool Hand Luke (1967)

-Stay down, your beat!: “Dragline (G.Kennedy),” Cool Hand Luke (empathy)

-There’s gonna’ be a whole lotta’ world shaking going on, Luke. We’ll send ya’ a postcard: “Dragline (Kennedy),” Cool Hand Luke

-Sometimes nothin’ can be a real cool hand: “Luke (Newman),” Cool Hand Luke

-What, are you calling me a liar (Dragline)? No, just that you have a common & likable tendency towards exaggeration: “Society (J. Cannon),” Cool Hand Luke

-Nobody can eat 50 eggs: “Society (J.D. Cannon),” Cool Hand Luke (stubborn)

-♫ As he started to go I started to know how it feels when the universe reels ♫: “Esther Smith (Judy Garland),” Meet Me In St. Louis (1944)

-♫ Soooo, have yourself a merry little Christ..mas…nooooooooooooooow ♫: “Esther (Garland),” Meet Me in St. Louis

-You shouldn’t kiss a girl when you’re wearing that gun, leaves a bruise: “Helen (Velma) (Claire Trevor),” Murder My Sweet (1944)

-Hey, you done good, buddy boy (Smith). Thanks, Daddy-Oh!: “Anybody’s (Susan Oakes),“ West Side Story (1961)

-Huh?: ”Del Griffith (John Candy),” Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987) (his surprise after plowing into a bad motel and just before burn-rubber getaway)

-We have about as good a chance of playing pick-up-sticks with our butt-cracks as we do getting a flight out of here tonite: “Del Griffith (John Candy),” Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987)

-Love is not a big enough word (for my wife): “Del Griffith (John Candy),” Planes, Trains and Automobiles

-Daddy! “Marti Page (O. Burnette),” Planes, Trains and Automobiles (home)

-Those aren’t pillows! “Neal (Steve Martin),” Planes, Trains and Automobiles

-You don’t need to be crazy to do this but it doesn’t hurt: “Buck Kennedy (Buck Jones) (roping routine),“ Hollywood Round-Up (1935 (context))

-So shines a good deed in a weary world (de Vere): “Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder),” Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)

-I aughta’ take this pencil and draw a circle around you: “Billie (Judy Holliday),” Born Yesterday (1950)

-I’ve never been insured in my life. I don’t believe in it. There’s no risk: “Lewis Medlock (Burt Reynolds).” Deliverance (1972)

-Sometimes you have to lose yourself before you can find anything: “Lewis Medlock (Burt Reynolds),” Deliverance

-This corn is special, isn’t it?: “Bobby Trippe (Ned Beatty),” Deliverance (to break the mood (“Ed”) at the dinner table)

-Why do you wanta’ go messin’ with that river (Seamon Glass)? Because it’s there!: “Lewis (Reynolds),“ Deliverance

-Almost anything that came out of the mouth of Frank Morgan (1890-49)

-Well, we’re back (gasp) in the car again (Mazzello). Well, at least you’re out of the tree: “Dr. Alan Grant (Sam Neill),” Jurassic Park (1993)

-They remember: “Robert Muldoon (Bob Peck),” Jurassic Park

-What are you rebelling against, Johnny ((Maley)? What do ya’ got?: “Johnny (Marlon Brando),” The Wild One (1953)

-I’m gonna’ go down there (pier) and get my rights: “Terry Malloy (Marlon Brando),” On the Waterfront (1956)

-I coulda’ been contender. I coulda’ been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am: “Terry (Brando),” On the Waterfront

-Then shut your mouth…before your guts run out: “Crunch (Frank Mazzola),“ Rebel Without a Cause (1955)

-And what about you (Wood)? Are you always at ringside?: “Jim ‘Jamie’ Stark (James Dean),” Rebel Without a Cause

-Welcome to the wonderful world of pussy, Meadows: “Signalman 1st Class ‘Badass’ Budusky (Jack Nicholson),“ The Last Detail (1973)

-Madam, please!: “Andrew Larkin (Van Johnson),” In the Good Old Summertime (1949, to repel anymore wind-aided brush-ups from “Veronica”)

-What am I, a criminal, a murder (Granger)? You might be if you keep driving through town at 85 miles per hour: “Cindy (Jane Powell), Small Town Girl (53)

-You want a player who won’t fight back? I want a ball-player who’s got the guts to not fight back: Rickey (Minor Watson), The Jackie Robinson Story (1950)

-30,000 (“Baptista (Kaszner)” offer to marry his daughter)! Fatheeeeeer!: “Petruchio (Howard Keel),” Kiss Me Kate (53) (deal struck)

-Well!? I wont to be alone: “Grusinskaya (Greta Garbo),” Grand Hotel (1932)

-Grand Hotel, always the same, people come, people go, nothing ever happens: “Dr. Otternschlag (Lewis Stone), Grand Hotel

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-Dyin,’ that’s easy, choosin’ a way to live, that’s the hard part: “Ben Vandergroat (Robert Ryan),” The Naked Spur (1953)

-How perfectly delightful it is to be sure.” Robert Crumb, Crumb (1994)

-Oh no, it wasn’t the airplanes. It was beauty killed the beast: “Carl Denham (Robert Armstrong),” King Kong (1933)

-Fortune’s ally to the brave: “Zeus (Laurence Olivier),” Clash of the Titans (81)

-What was his business (cop)? He used to be a big-shot: “Panama Smith (Gladys George),” The Roaring Twenties (1939)

-They aughta’ put you in mass production: “Fred (Dana Andrews),” The Best Years of Our Lives (1946) (to Theresa Wright)

-It’s funny, the things we love best are either illegal, immoral or make us fat: “Terry McKay (Irene Dunne),” Love Affair (1939)

-Who’s this (#2 on phone)? It’s me..it’s you..it’s us (#1)! Hold on a second (#2). Great, now I can’t even talk to myself: “’Steve (Keaton),’” Multiplicity (96)

-Sad state of affairs when a man has to indulge his vices by proxy: “General Sternwood (C. Waldron),” The Big Sleep

-You’re the only one I’ve met who didn’t claim to know everything in the whole world: “Collister (Beeson Carroll),” Bound for Glory (1976)

-He’s (workin’ folk) afraid to smile ‘cause somebody’s gonna’ swipe his teeth out of his mouth: Woodrow Wilson Guthrie (David Carradine), Bound for Glory

-She knows! Anne Sullivan (Anne Bancroft), The Miracle Worker (1962 (With Anne’s help, blind – deaf girl Helen Keller has an epiphany)

-I’m not gonna’ live by their rules, anymore!: “Phil Connor (Bill Murray),” Groundhog Day (1993 (driving car on train-tracks))

-Sextus, you once said ‘how’ to fight an idea…with another idea: “Messala (Stephen Boyd),” Ben Hur (1959)

-Bravely stated: “Sheik Ilderim (Hugh Griffith),” Ben-Hur (1959 (sarcasm)

-The cheaper the crook (Cook) the gaudier the patter: “Sam Spade (Humphrey Bogart),” The Maltese Falcon

-Why shouldn’t you (guess) if you’ve nothing to conceal (D.A. (J.Hamilton))? Everybody has something to conceal: “Spade (Bogart),” The Maltese Falcon

-You have always, I must say, a smooth explanation ready (Lorre). What do you want me to do, learn to stutter?: “Sam (Bogart),” The Maltese Falcon

-You are a liar (Bogart). I am. I’ve always been a liar (Astor). Well don’t, don’t brag about it. Was there any truth at all in that yarn? Some. Not very much: “Brigid O’Shaughnessy (Mary Astor),” The Maltese Falcon

-Suppose I wouldn’t tell you anything at all. What would you do, something wild and unpredictable (Astor)? Maybe: “Sam (Bogart),” The Maltese Falcon

-What is it (Ward Bond)? The a…stuff that dreams are made of: “Sam Spade (Bogart),” The Maltese Falcon

-I know where all the nukes are and I know the codes. You would be amazed, alot of shopping malls…DON’T repeat that!: “Megan (McCarthy),” Bridesmaids (’11)

-Temptation resisted is the truest measure of character: “Louis Dega (Dustin Hoffman),” Papillion (1973)

-I know, I know, feed ‘em, fly ‘em, then forget ‘em: “Ace Boreman (William Gargan),” Women in the Wind (1939)

-Is there a Northwest passage (Hussey)? Who knows. It’s always a man’s dream to find a short route to his heart’s desire: “Langdon Towne (Robert Young),” Northwest Passage (1940)

-Do you wanta’ play with us? Okay. Say ‘ello to my l’il friend!: “Tony Montana (Al Pacino),” Scarface (1983) (then, rat-a-tat-tat)

-I’m gonna’ make him (John Marley (“Director Jack Woltz”)) an offer he can’t refuse: “Vito Corleone (Marlon Brando),” The Godfather (1972)

–Ohhhh! It damn hurts (Fowler snuffing a match)! Certainly it hurts (O‘Toole). Well what’s the trick then? The trick, William Potter is not minding that it hurts: T.E. Lawrence (Peter O‘Toole), Lawrence of Arabia (1962)

-Aqaba! T.E. Lawrence (O’Toole), Lawrence of Arabia (it begins)

-Nothing is written: T.E. Lawrence (O‘Toole), Lawrence of Arabia

-He (Lawrence) was a scholar, a poet and a mighty warrior. He was also the most shameless exhibitionist since Barnum & Bailey: “Jackson Bentley (Arthur Kennedy),” Lawrence of Arabia

-But the Krell forgot one thing: Monsters, John (Neilson), monsters from the Id: “Lt. “Doc” Ostrow (Warren Stevens),” Forbidden Planet (1956)

-It is through error that man tries and rises. It is through tragedy he learns. All the roads of learning begin in darkness and go out into the light…Hippocrates of Cos: The Body Snatcher (epilogue) (1945)

-J’adore le passé. C’est beaucoup plus pacifique que le présent (I adore the past. It’s so much more peaceful than the present): “Meneur de Jeu (“Game Master”) (Anton Walbrook),” La Ronde (1950)

-♫ Gone again, skip to my Lou, gone again, skip to my Lou, gone again, skip to my Lou, skip to my Lou my Darling ♫: “Charlie (K. Curtis),” The Searchers (56)

-I too believe that everyone should have a chance at a breath-taking piece of folly, once in his life: “Mrs. Brown (Ann Revere),” National Velvet (1945)

-What’s the meaning of goodness if there isn’t a little badness to overcome?: “Mrs. Brown (Ann Revere), National Velvet

-So many currents in such a little puddle: “Mr. Brown (Crisp),” National Velvet

-That’ll be a dispute to the end of time, Mr. Brown, whether it’s better to do the right thing for the wrong reason or the wrong thing for the right reason: “Mrs. Brown (Ann Revere),” National Velvet

-Who’s been in my box (Velvet)? Me (Donald). ‘I (Edwina correcting).’ You, too? “Donald Brown (Jackie Jenkins), National Velvet

-I’ll have a dubonnet with a twist (in the old Russian Tea Room (NYC)): “Michael Dorsey / Dorothy Michaels (Dustin Hoffman),” Tootsie (1982)

-I need a $1000 (Hoffman). For what (Pollock)!? For what! For what!: “Michael (Dorothy) (Hoffman),” Tootsie

-Time for courage: “Sydney Carton (Ronald Colman),” A Tale of Two Cities (1935) (pre-guillotine, comforts young “seamstress (Isabel Jewells)”)

-Makes the crown jewels in the Tower of London look like costume jewelry: “Peachy Carnehan (Peter O’Toole),” The Man Who Would Be King (1975)

-There hasn’t been a kiss like that since the beginning of time: “Peter Standish (Leslie Howard),“ Berkeley Square (1933)

-Oh, only which three books would you (Lloyd) have taken?: “David Filby (Alan Young),” The Time Machine (1960, at close)

-Max, how do you feel about getting old? I always feel like I’m starting over: “Jackie Brown (Pam Greer),” Jackie Brown (1997)

-Oh, how I love you, love you, love you, love you (to Garner)!: “Karen Wright (Audrey Hepburn),” The Children’s Hour (1961)

-Move your bloomin’ ass!: “Eliza (Audrey Hepburn),“ My Fair Lady (1964)

-Why don’t you sing a song (Rooney)? How do you know I can sing (Garland)? You sing when you walk, when you talk. Why your eyes, why they’re singing right now: “Tommy Williams (Mickey Rooney),” Babes on Broadway (1941)

-I’m watching you! “Jack Byrnes (Robert Di Nero (father) with two-fingered gesture to Ben Stiller),” Meet the Parents (2000)

-Nothing so revolting to the young as the sight of their elders at play: “Rupert Venneker (Peter Ustinov),” The Sundowners (1960)

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-If it ain’t Wham, it ain’t ham!: “Gussie (Louise Beavers),” Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (1948)

-Mrs. Blandings little flower sink!: “Jim Blandings (Cary Grant),” Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (thoroughly frustrated)

-I do not care that you are not Chapel. I am with you! “Mr. Jones (Rhys Williams),” The Corn is Green (1945)

-I have never talked to a man for more than five minutes without wanting to box his ears: “Miss Lilly Moffat (Bette Davis),” The Corn Is Green

-If you do I shall strike you (“Bessie”) so hard I shall probably kill you: “Miss Moffat (Bette Davis),” The Corn is Green (young tart plays risky game)

-What happened (Dunnock)? We’ve met the Squire (Bruce) and he is ours! In ten minutes I have given the Squire the impression that he spends his whole time posturing genius in the illiterates. How? By soft soap and courtesy: “Lily Moffat (Bette Davis),” The Corn Is Green

-One shot: “Michael Vronsky (Robert De Niro),” The Deer Hunter (1978)

-You know we’re always fascinated when we find leg-irons with no legs in ‘em: “Deputy U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard (Tommy Lee Jones),” The Fugitive (1993)

-Newman (Gerard)? Yes (Wood)? What are you doing? Thinking. Well think me up a cup of coffee and a doughnut with some of those sprinkles on ’em! “Deputy Gerard (Tommy Lee Jones),” The Fugitive

-Can you hear me now? Yes (Wood). I don’t bargain: “Gerard,” The Fugitive

-They killed my wife (Ford). I know Richard, I know: “Gerard,” The Fugitive

-I thought you didn’t care (Harrison Ford)? I don’t. Don’t tell anybody: “Deputy Gerard (Tommy Lee Jones),” The Fugitive

-What I want from each and every one of you is a hard target search in every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen miles. Your fugitive’s name is Dr. Richard Kimble. Go get him!: “Gerard (Jones),” The Fugitive

-Look at this, we’re eatin’ oranges & makin’ IDs: “Gerard (Jones),” The Fugitive

-If they can dye the river green today, why can’t they dye it blue the other 364 days of the year?: “U.S. Marshal Robert Biggs (Daniel Roebuck),” The Fugitive

-And not only did they all come from healthy livers, they all came from the same liver (Lynch). Kathy you beauty: “Dr. Kimble (Harrison Ford),” The Fugitive

-Don’t worry, we’ll find her (Mom) for you. What are you, a football player, baseball player? Football (Robinson). Hey Doctor, they sent this one from downstairs. Get this one into Room Four, stat (Bruce)! Bye-bye, Joel: “Dr. Richard Kimble (Ford),” The Fugitive

-Richard!: “Gerard (Jones),” The Fugitive (spots RK descending City stairway)

-Hi!: Registration-table greeter girl (?), The Fugitive (flashback)

-Officer, officer, there’s a man in a blue coat waving a gun and screaming…at a woman: “Dr. Kimble (Ford),” The Fugitive (throwing off the cops)

-Frederick Sykes, 45, ex-cop and quite the clothshorse: “U.S. Marshal Erin Poole (L. Scott Caldwell),” The Fugitive

-Almost anything that came out of the mouth of Agnes Moorehead (1900-74)

-Wait a minute. I played a dirty trick on you (Garland). You better know, then you won’t feel so bad. When I offered to give you that song…I really didn’t mean it. I was playing you for a sap. I wanted to fix it so you’d give me a chance to try out with you. And all that sob stuff about me being ashamed of myself, that was just a bid for sympathy. I wasn’t ashamed, I thought I was being pretty cute. I’m ashamed now though. And this time, when I say I’m a heel, well, I’m not kidding: “Harry Palmer (Gene Kelly),” For Me and My Gal (1942)

-Is that alright with you (McNally)? You bet it’s alright!: “Jo Hayden (Judy Garland),” For Me and My Gal

-Hello, America, hang on to your lights, they’re the only lights left in the world!: “Huntley Haverstock (Joel McCrea),” Foreign Correspondent (1940)

-It is a crush, isn’t it (shelter)?: “Myra (Vivien Leigh),” Waterloo Bridge (1940)

-Myra’s just a sweet child, you can see that, can’t you (Field)? I can see that: “Captain Roy Cronin (Robert Taylor),” Waterloo Bridge

-You’re rather matter-of-fact (“Roy (Robert Taylor)”). And you’re a romantic: “Myra (Vivian Leigh),” Waterloo Bridge

-Here, take this (Leigh). You’re lucky charm (Taylor)!?: “Roy (Taylor),” Waterloo Bridge (+ music = most sentimental)

-War is no excuse for indecorum: “Madame (Ouspenskaya),” Waterloo Bridge

-The worst ain’t so bad when it finally happens: “Bob Curtin (Tim Holt),” The Treasure of Sierra Madre (1948)

-That’s Africa for you, one man dead, two beasts killed and no one the better for it: “Trader Horn (Harry Carey),” Trader Horn (1931)

-The lions let the jackal join in the kill (because) the jackal helps lead the lions to water: “Horn (Carey),” Trader Horn

-I don’t know why they named it after Thompson (gazelle). I showed him his first. Thompson was one of those guys who liked to carve his name into trees: “Aloysius ‘Trader’ Horn (Harry Carey),” Trader Horn

-(Africa) Either you’re killing someone to eat ‘em or trying to keep someone from killing you: “Trader (Carey),” Trader Horn

-One-she (one more (Sioux)): “Wind In His Hair (Rodney Grant),” Dances With Wolves (1990, warrior urges “Lt. Dunbar” to sit for one more story)

-This one’s for your shirts (Frankenstein), this other’s just for socks and poo-poo undies: “Elizabeth (Madeline Kahn),” Young Frankenstein (1974)

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-Well, uh, this Delores, she, uh, she’s real proud of what nature done for her, you know? Anyway, she asks me, she says, uh, ‘Don’t you think I got classy build?’ And I say, ‘Sure.’ And so she starts to show me, but I didn’t do nothin’ wrong. I just didn’t stop her form tryin’ to prove her point: “Harvey (Scott Wilson), In the Heat of the Night (1967, speaking to “Tibbs” in jail cell)

-I’ve had it up to here (hand to throat) with your town (Poitier)! Boy, it would give me a world of satisfaction to horsewhip you, Virgil (Steiger)! My father used to say that (laughing), even did, once or twice (Poitier). Yeah, well, not enough to suit me!: “Chief Gillespie (Rod Steiger),” In the Heat of the Night (1967)

-I’m tellin’ you that you’re gonna’ stay. You’ll stay here if I have to have your chief remind you what he told you to do. But I don’t think I have to do that, you see? No. Because you’re so damned smart. You’re smarter than any white man. You’re just gonna’ stay here and show us all. You could never live with yourself unless you could put us all to shame. You wanta’ know something, Virgil? I don’t think that you could let an opportunity like that pass by: “Chief Gillespie (Rod Steiger),” In the Heat of the Night

-I can pull that fat-cat down. I can bring him right off this hill (Poitier)! Oh boy, man, you’re just like the rest of us? “Chief (Steiger),” In the Heat of the Night

-Thank you. Bye bye (Steiger). Bye (Poitier). Virgil? You take care now, ya’ hear (Steiger)? Yeah (Poitier (smile)): In the Heat of the Night (progress)

-With experience it seems possible to control the flow of the paint to a great extent. And I don’t use, I don’t use the accident because I deny the accident: Jackson Pollock (Ed Harris), Pollock (2000)

-Modern art, to me is nothing more than the expression of the contemporary aims of the age that we’re living in: Jackson Pollock (Ed Harris), Pollock

-There are no stars (in rugby). That’s soccer: “Frank Machin (Richard Harris),” This Sporting Life (1963)

-Well, don’t bother Sefton. I don’t like you. I never did and I never will (Graves)! Alot of people say that and the first thing you know, they get married: “Sgt. J.J.Sefton (William Holden),” Stalag 17 (1953)

-Ach soooo: “Sefton (Holden),” Stalag 17 (rat found)

-Welcome to Sherwood, me Lady! ”Sir Robin of Locksley (Errol Flynn),” The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938)

-The Internal Affairs people were here hours ago. Two college educated little pricks! Acted like they was born & breed in Ohio: “Mrs. Ritter (Geraldine Page),” The Pope of Greenwich Village (1984)

-Blood? we’re not fucking blood, we’re third cousins (Mickey Rourke). With Italians, it’s like twin brothers with the Irish: “Barney” the safe-cracker (Ken McMillan), The Pope of Greenwich Village

-You got a sense of honor, I can smell it in ya!’ “Barney” the safecracker (Ken McMillan),” The Pope of Greenwich Village

-I’m not just an entertainer, I’m an influence, wielder of opinion, a force: “Larry ‘Lonesome’ Rhodes (Andy Griffith),” A Face In the Crowd (1957)

-They’re trained-seals (audience). Throw ‘em a dead fish and watch ‘em flap their flippers: “Lonesome (Griffith),” A Face In the Crowd

-Wait’ll I get to California! Gonna’ reach up and pick me an orange whenever I want it, or grapes. That there’s somethin’ I ain’t never had enough of! Gonna’ get me a whole bunch a grapes off a bush and I’m gonna’ squash ’em all over my face and just let the juice drain down offa’ my chin (Grapewin). Pa-raise the Lord for victory (Tilbury)! Maybe I get me a whole washtub fulla’ them grapes and just sit in ’em and scrooge around till they was gone!: “Grampa Joad (Charlie Grapewin),” The Grapes of Wrath (1940)

-Well, maybe it’s like Casy says, a fella’ ain’t got a soul of his own, but only a piece of a big soul, the one big soul that belongs to everybody, and then…Then what, Tom (Darwell)? Then it don’t matter. Then I’ll be all around in the dark. I’ll be everywhere, wherever you look. Wherever there’s a fight so hungry people can eat, I’ll be there. Wherever there’s a cop beatin’ up a guy, I’ll be there. I’ll be in the way guys yell when they’re mad and I’ll be in the way kids laugh when they’re hungry and they know supper’s ready. And when our people eat the stuff they raise and live in the houses they build, why, I’ll be there too: “Tom Joad (Henry Fonda),” The Grapes of Wrath

-A woman can change better than a man can. A man lives in jerks. A baby’s born or then somebody dies, that’s a jerk. He gets a farm or loses one, and that’s a jerk. With a woman it’s all in one flow, like a stream, like little eddies, little waterfalls, but the river, it goes right on. Woman looks at it like that: “Ma Joad (Jane Darwell),” The Grapes of Wrath

-Maybe, but we’ve sure takin’ a beatin (Simpson). I know. Maybe that makes us tough. Rich fellas come up and they die, and their kids ain’t no good, and they die out. But we keep a-comin’. We’re the people that live. Can’t nobody wipe us out. Can’t nobody lick us. We’ll go on forever, Pa. We’re the people: “Ma Joad (Darwell),” The Grapes of Wrath

-Where to now (Faye)? Home: “Eric Stanton (Dana Andrews),” Fallen Angel (1945) (closing line – love realized)

-You (Fonda) look like the last grave over near the willow: “Jean Harrington (Barbara Stanwyck),” The Lady Eve (1941)

-Plastics (to “Ben”): “Mr. McGuire (Walter Brooke),” The Graduate (1969)

-Can I have it (Curtis)? Nooooo, an officer’d take from you at Ft Benson. This gun’s too good for an officer: “Sgt. Wilkes (Jay Flippen),” Winchester ‘73 (1950)

-Oklahoma, Oklahoma, Oklahoma, Oklahoma (banging pot)! “Rubrick (Steve Martin),” Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988)

-Tranella speaks two languages, Italian and Brooklyn: Narrator on “Private Tranella (Richard Benedict),” A Walk In the Sun (1945)

-Don’t be a jerk all your life, take a day off: “Vic Dakin (Burton),” Villain (1971)

-Ahh, youth is wasted on the wrong people!: T-shirted man on porch (‘Why don’t you kiss her?!’) (Dick Elliott), It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

-Smack (on Geoffrey Lewis’ face)! Don’t ever point a gun at me! Understand?! Not even a twig (Eastwood)! Got it! You come from the hitters: “Goody (Geoffrey Lewis),” Thunderbolt and Lightfoot (1974)

-Why’d they move it (Bridges (old school house with the hidden loot)? History, history, damn it: “Thunderbolt (Clint Eastwood),” Thunderbolt and Lightfoot

-I don’t think of us as criminals, you know? I feel we accomplished something. A good job. I feel proud of myself, man. I feel like a hero: “Lightfoot (Jeff Bridges),” Thunderbolt and Lightfoot

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Steven Keys
Photo credit: Bonnie&Clyde, wc.cca, A.Koehne; M.Shearer, wc, 10.11.54, M.Feinstein; S.Tracy-E.Bartholomew, CC, 1937, MGM; J.Crawford, MGM, TLMC, 1937; M.Gandhi, wc, pre-1942; B.Davis, AllAboutEve, 1950; H.McDaniel, wc, 1939; R.Ryan-J.Leigh, MGM, wc, 1953; C.Grant-M.Loy, RKO, 3.28.45, wc; R.Steiger, wc, TUW, 1957; popcorn, wc, T.Bresson, 6.15.16
Posted: 2.16.17 @ 2:06pm EST; update 6.13; Copyright © 2017